The Brew’s Fairy Godmother, guest blogs to offer her thoughts on parenting in a crazy crazy world. A world where pre-teen girls get back to school weaves…a world where a young man’s jeggings are so tight you can see his future babies. A world where “Fleek” is a word. – Witch E.
When I picked my daughter up from her first day of school last month, I couldn’t help noticing how much her classmates have grown since the last school year ended, especially the girls. A quite a few of them had the noticeable beginnings of lady lumps (check it OUT!). It helped explain why a month earlier, she made that rite of passage comment mothers of daughters all over the world have heard or will hear – “I need a bra.”
I didn’t want to give her the “For what? You ain’t got nothing,” comment that I got back in the day. Even though she’s showing the initial stages of developing, it’ll be a minute before we’re heading to Vickie S. I wondered what made her think she needed a bra. Did she see some music video of the latest pop princess puttin’ ‘em on the glass? Had she heard her older brother talking to his friends about some girl he met with hypnotizing boobs? I usually pride myself on being a hip mom, but I was uncomfortable having this talk.
“Why are we talking about this?” I asked trying unsuccessfully not to show my uneasiness.
“I’m changing. Didn’t you notice?”
“I noticed you are growing and . . . ” I said easing myself into this minefield.
“I just want one, because . . .” she hesitated, “I want to feel more like a girl.”
I remember that feeling that way. I didn’t develop as fast as some of my classmates. They were on the fast track of what it meant to be feminine and I was stuck Flatsville. Then one morning I woke up to an explosion of growth on my chest (more like a firecracker pop), and I had the beginnings of tah-tees. If I could see them, clearly everyone else could too. Finally, I could wear a training bra like other girls were wearing. I could be in the club (not “da club,” although one day my breast would play a role there as well)! I would finally be able to pop my collar i.e. my bra strap to let everyone know, “I am woman here me roar! Rrrrrrrrr!” Then I asked my mother for a bra, and . . . you know how that went.
The thing that causes me pause is – what does it mean to be a girl today? Sure, some things are timeless and universal in terms of rites of passage, but there are some pretty insane in the membrane things going on too that makes me feel for kids today. Will my daughter and her peers decide their natural development is not enough and opt for implants and surgeries to make them “feel like girls?” Will they bare their lady lumps in texts and IG accounts and store them in the Cloud to one day be exposed by someone else? Will they care if they are exposed or will they look at that experience too as what it means to be a girl? Will they value and care for their bodies or will they exploit them and claim it as their version of feminism? Hell, I don’t even know what it means to be a woman today when everything is super-sized sexualized, on display, photoshopped, and women in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s are all making songs about their bums. Buying her a bra seems to be the least of my worries!
“You’re not ready for a bra yet,” I finally said. “Once you get breasts, you’ve got them for life, God willing. Don’t worry. Your time will come.”
“Oooookkkkkkay,” and she was off singing, “I woke up like dis!”
See? This is what it means to be a girl these days. Ten years old and already it’s in her head that not only does she have to be flawless, but also she should wake up that way – perfect face, tiny waist, thick booty, and full and perky boobs. One day my daughter will need a bra and have something to put in it. I just hope that she won’t decide that two breasts are not enough and opt for a third.
Fairy GM reminds those of you of a certain age with lovely lady lumps to “Check ‘em out” with self-examinations and mammograms!
- By Elise Chance, Brew Fairy Godmother
Read more from Elise on black and pop culture, politics, and social networks on her blog For Real Though https://cujo85.wordpress.com