I just watched Atlanta Exes online at my desk (yes I’m trife) which quietly premiered last night on VH-1. Three words: de-press-ing! First of all, I don’t relish any type of break-up, especially the demise of black love, but these chicks are seemingly defining themselves solely by their breakup and the strength of their exes’ identity. Super sad and uncomfy to watch. Think bootleg “Waiting to Exhale”, mixed with “Love & Hip Hop” and a pinch of “Single Ladies”. It’s like Mona Scott and Terri McMillan had a lesbian one night stand and came up with this shyt show the next morning over e-cigs and coffee.
She is the ex wife of Cee Lo “Arms are too short to box with God” Green. She clearly loves big ass shoulders jackets and little ass Cee-lo. Why either? I so don’t know. In one scene she asked him if he was aight if she started dating again, after 8 years! Huh? Girl, get your life. You’re giving that Inch High Private Eye wayyyyyyy too much power over your poon. Get ye on a date, stat!
Massive dome connoisseur Ne-yo’s ex and mother to his two tykes who still lives with him in Atlanta. Talk about holding on. She also continues to entertain his family weekly and basically fills her days talking about the same ish everyone else is; trying to date. zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz. Her cute though.
Despite her slightly annoying voice and bad Fashion Fair foundation choices, she’s actually a bit likeable. She’s taken a lot of heat for continuing to discuss how she was Kevin Hart’s ride or die back in their college days in Philly and his affair once he made it. But I get it; she took that micro ninja from Ashy to Classy and is upset that he traded her in, for what apparently is a blasian and younger version of herself.
<— am I lying though?
I guess she is the “big name” on this busted up production. I will play nice because Tameka has been through a lot; from losing in her divorce case, to losing custody of her two children with Usher, to losing her son Kile in a tragic jet ski accident. I got nothing. She’s also kinda of funny. I’m holding out hope that she talks about Usher’s peen skills cuz I’ve been wondering…
It does bother me that her oldest son 1) looks older than she does 2) looks like Usher.
The ex wife of some former Falcons player whom I never heard of, who dresses way too young and tight, has nine bags of yaki in and lots of kids. Nothing to see here people, move along!
So basically, if you can stomach 60 minutes of ex-misery; cleaning out exes closets, talking about exes, crying about exes, crying about new beginnings, a strip club visit or two and then crying about exes again, by all means, tune in! I rather shave my pubes.
**side note/side-eye: for VH-1 playing a Kevin Hart commercial while I watched it online**