Everyone’s favorite windbag on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, is the latest “celebrity” to pitch her creations on TV. QVC let her on the air to sell some threads they’re calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck for Dialogue. There’s like ONE decent shirt in this collection, the rest looks like PTA meeting gear. Does buying this stuff make you more conservative? Will you be spewing GOP views on the O’Reilly show if you buy a blouse? I remember when this girl actually had a decent “fashion” career on the Style network, before she went all batshit Bush crazy.

I’m all for doing “you” but sometimes that’s just not enough. Especially if you look like you lack in the hygiene arena. So I’m starting a new weekly post dedicated to the stanka danks a.k.a. people who look like they subscribe to HBO (Human Body Odor).

Today’s first honoree is Rasheed Wallace of the Detroit Pistons. Oh, where do I begin? Is the the beard that looks like little nappy raisins? Or, the fact that his teeth look like he needs a gross scale cleaning? Something about Sheedy tells me his jump-off are used to seeing some skids in his Fruit of the Looms. Febreeze is your friend.

And Massengil is your friend Nivea. Something about this little chippie makes my eyes water. She looks like she smells like Funyuns and Trout. I know her underwear is mad crunchy. Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

It’s funny his name is Sway because that’s exactly what his hair DOESN’T do under that hot ass hat. This dude looks like he smells like hot breath on an empty stomach. I’m sure Fab 5 Freddy, Downtown Julie Brown and the rest of the old MTV VJ’s have taken up a permanent resident under that bama ass knitted do-thingy! So to this week’s winners, cheers, let’s toast by all jumping into a vat of bleach, stat!

Hoes of the world rejoice, you no longer have to run your toothpaste coated finger across your teeth, in shame. Colgate Wisps are toothpaste filled disposable toothbrushes that dont even need water. So you can pull your panties on, brush your teeth and get the hell out of there, all before someone gets to say: ‘Ooh wow…sooo heyyy..I don’t usually do this kind of thing… but uh…what’s your name?’ Awkwardness avoided!

They even come in Semi-Hoe ($2.39 for a pack of four) and Super-Hoe sized packs($7.99 for a pack of sixteen)!

Dallas Officer Detains NFL Player Rushing to Dying Mother-in-Law’s Bedside

Sad, is all I can say about what happened yesterday to Ryan Moats and his family. The NFL RB for the Houston Texans was in Dallas when he and his wife received a call that his mother-in-law who was in the hospital, was nearing death. Racing against time they attempt to get the hospital obviously to say their last goodbyes. Moats, after stopping and looking both ways, went through a red light and was then pulled over by a police officer in the hospital parking lot. This is disturbing on some many levels. IN the video footage Moats is pleading with the officer trying to explain that a loved one is in the hospital and within seconds of dyinig and Office Ahole is unmoved by this information. He even pull a gun on the wife when she tries to get out of the vehicle. They were right in front of the hospital!!! So while he was busy admonishing and chastising Moats, another officer went inside to verify the story and the ahole officer’s response was “ok I’m almost done”. WTF!!!

Saddest part, they did not make it in time as Mrs. Collingsworth, Moats’ mother-in-law passed while they were being detained by the officer. Are cops instructed to throw all common sense to the wind??? What happened to compassion? I know instinct and common sense cannot be taught and the thought that cops like Officer Ahole are out there really scares the crap outta me.

The diva is giving us an early look at her tour costumes. Someone ring me up a ticket right now, if that Spongebob wig will be making an appearance! Acclaimed designer Thierry Mugler is outfitting Beyonce for her “I Am” tour. Don’t these just scream Sasha Fierce? Can’t you see her rolling across the stage with fire balls engulfing around her, a la Mad Max up in that Thunderdome? Oh, the raw emotion!

If you’re in Canada…you can catch Mrs. Carter tonight in Edmonton.

Photos: Courtesy of Thierry Mugler

Guess who’s bizzack? Star Jones celebrated her 47th birthday this week and in honor of her own b-day, she launched a new blog, right on these here blogspots. Can’t she afford her own domain name? I’m just askin…

Set your Tivos good people. TV One is dusting off a few Z-List dusties and slapping them in front of a camera. The series, Life After, will premiere this Fall. It features the behind the scenes stories of a group of has beens entertainers who’ve faced adversity. Specifically…

So says Tanya Sheniece Dotson. She is the “authorist” (Like Maya on Girlfriends) of You Can’t Turn A Hoe Into A Husband: Never Trust A Big Stick & A Smile and the no nonsense, tell it like it is host of one of my most interesting youtube finds, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Favorite Part: “Love don’t stop a hard on” LMAO!! well I hate to agree with you Ms. Dotson but it damn sure don’t! If after waching the video you are overwhlemed with the need to purchase her book, you can do so at hoesn2husbands.com.

COURTESY WIKIPEDIA

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. We’ve heard this saying time and time again and for those you who truly believe this (Dr.Dubya doesn’t buy that ish for a second, I think the way to man’s heart is to make him scared shitless of you) here’s a new cookbook that’s sure to get, at the very least, a man you may have your eye on, raise his eyebrow in wonderment and say “dang I think I done landed me a broad that can cook, hot damn!”. Even a man whose perfectly ok with eating take out everyday loves a B that can cook. Being able to cook is not a bad thing. I know there are some hardcore ladies out there who associate cooking with submiting to the wills of the man but look, you gotta eat too don’t cha? Let ole boy have what’s left over, it’s not such a bad thing.

The Get ‘Em Girls’ Guide to the Power of Cuisine: Perfect Recipes for Spicing Up Your Love Life

The book’s intent is obviously to help you snag that dime joint you’ve been patiently waiting to realize you’re it for him. But don’t whizz over to amazon.com to buy this with that being your sole purpose. Learn how to cook yummy things for yourself first, be good to you. After that, it’s all gravy baby!

From the “why the eff didn’t I think of that” files… I bring you Polyvore.com. It’s a virtual clearinghouse for all things fashion and home design. You scroll through dresses, shoes and accessories or create your own “look” or wish list, either from what’s available on the site or what you add yourself. When you scroll over the items you like, poof, like little fashion elves, all the magical mystery work is done for you. A pop-up tells you how much and where to find the things you’re thirstin’ for. I swear, I need to stop watching TV and start thinking up a scheme. I could be rich! Muhahahahahaha.