Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved » 2009 » April
Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss
Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

True Happiness……


Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in let's talk happiness | Posted on 29-04-2009

I wonder what the hell Nell Carter was thinking of in this pic, a cheeseburger perhaps??? Image ok ok , I know, I’m an awful awful person, the woman is dead but seriously I wanna feel that kinda joy. I think the last time I was that happy was when I found out there was gonna be a sale at my fav place to buy hair, 50% off on top of the line Brazilian/Indian hair no less! That and when I found out they were putting a Chipotle close to my residence when I still lived in VA, I mean I wanted to tongue kiss the lil burrito guy Image

What are some things that make you genuinely happy? Here are some of mine:

gettin felt up (the kind that doesn’t end in sex)

some new shoes

gettin felt up (the kind that ends with you gettin your wig displaced! YEAH!!)

kissing a boy who actually knows how to kiss and doesn’t try to suck my entire face and head in his mouth

shopping with my mamas money or anyone’s money for that matter

knocking things over by accident with my butt (that thing has a mind if it’s own and it’s so fun!)

witnessing people do kind things when no one is watching

the butterflies you feel when you think you might be falling in love


giggling about boys and life with my girls

lemon pound cake

that light feeling you have after you take a good dump

chicken and waffles

new hair

getting my teeth cleaned

when young boys lie and tell me I look no older than 26 cause they wanna ‘smash the old homie’, loves that!

the smell of fresh cut grass

soreness in my buttocks after working out

that rosy after workout glow (can be from either cardio or coitus, either one!)

ribs from Famous Dave’s

ribs from Famous Dave’s (oh my bad I said that twice, just in case you don’t get it…… ribs from Famous Dave’s )

and a slice of cake from Cake Love

These are some of the things that make a lady like me feel absolutely devine. What are some of yours?


And Since We’re Talking About Grooming: Sh!t That Pisses a B off…The Wednesday Edition


Posted by Piper from the Brew | Posted in Gonna Have to Slap A.., Rant | Posted on 29-04-2009

Dear Makeup Applying Bitch on my Daily Commute (yes that is really her):

If I have to watch you prime and Spackle that old wrinkly face ONE more day- I swear to White Jesus and all the Bi-racial Apostles, and Mexican Angels….I will slap you. I want to know how EVERRY morning your tacky ass is running so late, that you have to perform your grooming ritual EN ROUTE!? Get up 10 minutes earlier…orrrrr…here’s a novel idea- WAIT TIL You get to the office.

You have no idea how close you are to a beat down. For my freedom…please, I implore you: GROOM AT HOME!

Note: To this heffa who is grooming her child on the bus, while wearing a head scarf- like they are at home… I hate you.

Say it with me people:



Celebrity Love Letter: Lloyd


Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Celebrity Love Letters, Come On Lemme Hit Dat | Posted on 29-04-2009

I dig your smile, boo. Sure, you have a pretty delightfully healthy mane (though I’m not one of those broads who goes all crazy for a man with lustrous locks- poking holes in condoms praying to upgrade my baby’s hair to Octoroon Status) and I can definitely do with out the cornball cornrows. But, I like what you’ve got under them there clothes..and again..the smile.

Maybe it’s the pearly white teeth, the smokin‘ hot body…the fact that you could pass for a Dell customer service tech in New Delhi call-center,that gets my motor going.
Or could it be that you remind me of my childhood crush?

Oh, I almost forgot to ask…wanna do it?


“Pretty Wings”


Posted by Piper from the Brew | Posted in Maxwell, Music | Posted on 29-04-2009

Maxwell is back! Let’s all exhale in unison. The crooner is releasing his first album in 8 years. The new work, “BLACKsummer’snight,” is due out in July. Maxwell is touring this summer to promote the new project, including headlining a night at the Essence Music Festival.

The first single, “Pretty Wings,” debuted yesterday. Click below and relish in the moment…




Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in sanitation poon, smelly snatch, Um Ew | Posted on 29-04-2009

Ladies, ladies ladies….. now I know we all can’t be massengil fresh every hour of everyday but why am I smelling vagi-snatch through your clothes???Image Smellin like the ‘catch-0-the-day’ is not the jump off my friends. Let’s be a little more thorough when we are washing our asses? mmmkay.

Let’s worry a little less about designer bags and the like and step up that hygiene game, it’s only right. The young lady in question was very well dressed and attractive but sweet jeebus she was rank!! It just ain’t right for a woman to smell like that so I just wanted to post this brief PSA to all my lady friends. Fly chicks look and smell pretty, especially in the ‘lady parts’. Remember what Biggie said “Dey the ones I like cause dey they don’t get nathan but penetration, unless it smells like sanitation…..”