As someone who has had water thrown on her in her sleep, I can assure you that this kind of prank is NOT funny!!!

AP reports that Matthew Broderick and SJP are expecting twins via surrogate.

I for one think this is awesome, I have always been a believer that ‘It doesn’t have to come out of your vagi-cat to be a mother, to it!” (And, having a kid-doesn’t necessarily make you a PARENT).

BUT I DIGRESS…

On a completely shallow note, Let’s hope they new additions are girls, the closet game they are being born into is SICK!

CONGRATS, FERRIS AND CARRIE!

Eminem graces the cover of the latest issue of Vibe Magazine. It’s the Second Annual Real Rap Issue, and uh, Eminem, I appreciate that you’re trying your lil comeback and whatnot.

But, how do I ask this nicely, WHAT HAPPENED TO YO’ FACE?

Here’s the old Em, in case you forgot.

Explain to me how I’m up at 5:00 am this morning, I go for my morning run, come back and just lounge around, stare at myself repeatedly in the mirror (it’s a sickness I have), painted my nails, packed my lunch, practiced some dance moves, tried on some outfits, I mean basically just doing a bunch of nonsense. I finally leave the house and as soon as I get in my car and drive off, BAM! the urge to take a dump overtakes me but now I’m just about to get on the highway so there’s no turning back. I mean all that foolishness I was doing this morning and you think my bowels woulda set off while I was doing nothing but now here I am driving to work squeezing my damn butt cheeks together . Man I can’t catch a break.

There is nothing worse than having to take a dump while in transit, you hear me? NOTHING!!!

So I watched the last season as I was sucked into the drama that is Irv Gotti and how he’s too exotic to love his baby mouva Deb the way a real man should because he’s just not sure he’s ready to give up humping random ladies, huh?. He’s more than willing to buy her houses, pay her bills and give her and the kids whatever it is they need except the thing that would mean the most to them…. him. Last season we were left with Deb still struggling with the decision to move on and start dating (of course Irv is mucho uncomfy with this, typical!) I find it peculiar that Irv’s parents have been together for years though and yet he finds it earth shattering to make this kind of commitment to Deb.

Hmmm, go figure, I guess being out there and playing STD poker is more palatable than living with your family. Wonder if he likes his herpes on ice or straight no chaser????

Gotti’s Way Season 2 Trailer (www.missinfo.tv) from Miss Info on Vimeo.

So Terry is sticking to her story that she didn’t know this sir was a ma’am, like seriously Terry? She thought this dude was straight??? like eva? now don’t get me wrong I’m sure in my lifetime I’ve probably kissed or even dated a sexually confused man cause these days it truly is hard to tell with all the homo thuggery shenanigans and what not, but this dude clearly has a hankering for man lovin and more importantly, he has a “JUST FOR ME” PERM!!!

IS YOU SERIOUS TERRY!!!????

Oh dear…….. she’s making my head hurt…..

Where is Lisa Nicole Carson??? Does anyone know? Has anyone seen her? How come she doesn’t get work? I thought she was a pretty decent actress (although I coulda done without the alleyway boinking with her and Treach in Jason’s Lyric, ewww!)

She was my fav in “Devil in a Blue Dress”

Awwww come back Lisa!

Dear Sanaa, you are my “girl crush” for so many reasons. You’re classy, not trashy and the cameras never catch you out doing “hood rat stuff”. You’re the anti-Gabrielle Union. You’re in two of my favorite movies and for that, hats off. Plus, you’re an Ivy League girl, which means you’ve got smart real good. So why are you suddenly hanging with Kim Kard-ass-ian? I’m not understanding the flow here. You’re both hot, but with her it’s a different kind. I mean didn’t she make a sex tape with Ray-J? Girl my granny always said pick your friends like you pick your fruit! This reality-show whore will suck the swagga from you with the quickness. Plus, she “smashed the homie”!

You’d have to be living under a rock (or in a freezer) not to know it’s been hot in the Northeast for the last couple of days. I think I saw Lucifer himself sipping on an Arizona yesterday. So, in honor of the hotness, it’s time for a roundup of the things you Negroes like to do in hot weather.

Run it…

Cookouts

The Negroes love to grill. Whether you have a backyard, live in an apartment or tote your ribs to the local park, if the Negro has charcoal, then it’s on and poppin’. The first warm day of the year really should not be an excuse to fire it up though. At least wait for a string of hot days before you start cranking out potato salad and marinating your chickens.

Coronas (With Lime, Of Course)

This is the closest the African Americans get to going “international” with their drinking habit. When the Heineken becomes passé, break out the cooler, head to the “cookout”, drop a lime in your Corona, put your pinky out and enjoy.

Fire Hydrants

You know the Negroes can’t swim but we will douse ourselves in some good ole taxpayer hydrant water. Yum!

Pedicures With Acrylic Tips

I don’t get the fascination with a long nail on your big toe. People are actually PAYING folks to do this to their toes. What’s the point? Is it multifunctional? Are you using it to chop down trees? Scratch backs? Dig up the garden? I mean really, what does it do (other than make you look a little monkey-like)? Don’t get mad at me, I’m just observing.

Wife Beaters
No, not this kinda wife beater.

This one.

Now, I’m a fan of a good beater (the shirt, not Chris Brown). A big fan. But only when you’ve got something to show me. Ya know, some pecs and some guns to flex. Otherwise, put your bird back in the cage and girdle that gut.

Well, I’m off to put on my sundress, polish my acrylic toe and look for a beer gut in a wife beater.

Enjoy the heat kiddies…til next time!

I just read this at Slate.com…I couldn’t possibly summarize this AT ALL. I just needed to reprint. WTH??

Dear Prudence:
I did something recently that concerns me on many levels. I am under a large amount of stress because I’m in an unhappy marriage (which we’re trying to work out) and because my company laid me off. I am under treatment for depression. A week ago, my doctor doubled the dosage of my antidepressant and, because I’m not sleeping well, he prescribed Ambien. On Saturday morning, I confused the vials and took two Ambien. I told my wife what happened and that I would probably sleep all day and went to bed. At around 10 p.m., my wife commented on how productive I had been: mowing the lawn, cleaning up, grocery shopping. I remembered none of this and said so. She said her only concern was that I left for “errands” and returned two hours later with nothing in hand. I talked to my doctor Monday, and he told me Ambien can cause amnesia and that some people have reported walking, driving, and cooking in their sleep. I know now what filled the missing two hours. This afternoon, I got a call from a woman who called me “lover” and asked when I wanted to come back. She called me her f–k buddy. This is a woman I had talked to only twice before in social situations. I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions. I do find her attractive, but I am stunned that I did something like this. My wife is vindictive, and if I say anything to her, it will end our marriage. I do not want to continue a relationship with the other woman. What should I do?

—Scared Sleepless

Dear Scared,
It’s hard to believe that the pharmaceutical industry has already solved two of our most vexing problems: How to get men to do weekend chores, and how to induce attractive strangers to have sex with you while being able to swear that you haven’t cheated. If this gets around, soon we’ll be living in a world where people are gobbling Ambien out of Pez containers. Driving, eating, even trying to cast congressional votes while under the influence of Ambien are all well-documented. Scroll around the Internet and you will also find individual accounts of Ambien-fueled sex—which the nondrugged participants claim is more creative and uninhibited than when their partner is awake. However good you may have been in bed, you need to keep the other woman from contacting you and asking for further services. Call her and try to explain. Tell her that, as hard as it is to believe, you have recently been prescribed several medications, you accidentally mixed them up, and as a result you have no memory of the events of the weekend. Say you’re very sorry if you behaved irresponsibly but that you can’t be in touch with her. Don’t ask for details—you want to preserve your amnesiac deniability. And since you don’t know what you did, you’re hardly in a position to confess anything to your wife. From now on, when you have trouble drifting off, forget the Ambien and brew yourself a nice cup of chamomile tea.

—Prudie

I admit when Kobe Bryant first burst on the scene I was smitten. He’s tall, handsome and could speak Italian. What more is there? Over the years though my love for the Kobe has waned, considerably. It started when dissed his father and married that crazy weffa Vanessa when she was still in high school, then it was the rape charge, then he ratted out his teammates about their jumpoff activities breaking the “Bros before Hoes” code! Classic bitchassness if you ask me. Now, he’s messing with Spike Lee and I don’t like it. Spike directed the film, “Kobe: Doin’ Work”. Lee had worked for months to get permission from Bryant, the Lakers and Coach Phil Jackson. It was supposed to be a day-in-the-life of that tall bama. So what does Bryant do at the last minute. He suddenly said he would not cooperate unless he was granted creative control! Spike Lee tried to contact Kobe on the phone to work things out but Kobe’s ass wouldn’t take his calls. The award-winning director even drove to Kobe’s exclusive gated community, but couldn’t get in! WTF? Kobe you should be happy someone wants to do a program on your ass! I guess they worked things out. Page Six is reporting the Lee “completely yielded” to the big baby’s wishes. The flick was screened last weekend at the Tribeca Film Festival. Bryant is known to be a control freak when it comes to his image. I get all that but come on Kob, it’s like that? Really? For that you are the cornball of the week, weak, weak! Now, like Shaquille O’Neal said, “tell me how my ass tastes…”

Have you ever woken up so far on the wrong side of the bed, that you want to punch someone in the nose? Like ANYONE, unlucky enough to say your name…or breathe? It’s like someone pissed all up in your cornflakes, and you did’nt even want no stinking cornflakes in the first place!? That’s how I feel this sunny –about to be 91 degrees, April morning. Maybe, I just need to do a little venting…

…Here’s a list of some shizz that’s been pissing a B. off:

Ignoramus’ that keep the 100% wool on their coats. All winter I would see you idiots out and about, touting your stance on your fabric of choice. What kind of a retard are you? SNIP THE LABEL off!! Do you think your coat was made at the HOUSE OF 100% WOOL?? Idiot. And now that it’s Spring-can you tap your friend and tell them to cut the little X of thread at the pleat or opening of their raincoat? White Jesus, says thank you. Man, you people are stooopid.

And also….Assholes who still the term ‘hating’ because their vocabulary is too stunted to think of any other word…lace yourself up with a thesaurus dim-wit. No one is “hating” on your cousin TayTay and her 5 bastard illegitimate chirrens with 6 different men, her ass don’t need to be in a club. Period. Ever. AND she’s a hoe! End of debate!

And…. you idiots who go online to staunchly defend the honor of your favorite celebu-tard. Do you get Beyonce Bucks to spend at House of Deron or something?

Mostly annoying…

The fact that I spent the better part of my Sunday afternoon wondering who RayFockingJ. was gonna choose.. “Skank or No-Skank the Vagisil Rumble in the Jungle”, holding out slight hope for humanity, that a non-skank could possibly win in a reality tv ‘Skank-Off’….I’m such a patsy. In his words he could not go with non-skank because he felt he had to ‘step up his game’ to impress her and her family. GOD FORBID YOU TRY TO IMPRESS SOMEONE, RAYFOCKINGJ! Your stellar career as a songstress (that is not a typo) and porn boy, does NOT warm the hearts of mother’s everwhere?? Really?! REALLY?!