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Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

Twitter Style Breaking News: Baby Kremora and Houndstooth is on the way

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in celebrity news, I guess?, TMI | Posted on 31-05-2009

Not to be left behind by Erykah Badu, Kimora Simmons has twittered that she is in labor with baby Amistad.

So, Twittering while dilated is the new black?

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Dis Don’t Make No Sense….

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Health, WTF? Files | Posted on 31-05-2009


Ok I ain’t neva birth no babies so I can’t say what happens to your body when you do (but I have eyes and I’m not blind and I’ve seen what happens to some of my friends bodies…… just sayin) but this damn Mel B. is confusing as fug!! This is a hot body pre or post baby and if I’m not mistaken she did not look this hot pre babies…. so wow! GO MEL!!! I guess going hard with the diet and exercise does yield results…..

IN YO FACE RASPUSHA!!!!!!

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Courtside Commentary

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Posted by admin | Posted in courtside, star watch, you're glib | Posted on 29-05-2009

We Witches don’t really care about basketball like that. I cheer for the team with the cutest players who don’t have a whole bunch of tats and baby mommas. So while most of “my people” are consumed with the NBA finals, I’m preoccupied with the stars on the sidelines. What the f#k are they thinking while watching hot sweaty menzes run up and down the court?

Tom Cruise

“Yeah, look at me on the jumbotron. My spikey, slightly disheveled hair says ‘I’m still relevant’. No one is going to hold Valkyrie against me. These people around me are GLIB!”

Puff & Jay

Jay: “We look like the hot leather Hip-hop dalmations, Rin & Tin in yo area!” 
Diddy: “Yo, I wonder is Yung Joc here?”

Michael Clarke

“Who dis? Green Mile Part Deux? Sign me up! Merry New Year!”

Lil Wayne

“Baby on the way, mad bills to pay! Is that you over there Miss Katie?”

Terri Hatcher

“I can’t cheer, my face is too tight.”

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Reality TV: When Is Enough, Enough?

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Reality TV, She's got that Flowbie Cut, What's your call? | Posted on 29-05-2009

I can’t say I’m up on all the reality shows on the boob tube, but I do get in my fair share. I’ve never been a follower of TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus 8, but I know enough about their story to get the gist of the show.

That’s why it saddens me that the breakdown of their marriage is fodder for both the tabloids, and yes, their own show. We’ve even covered Jon’s alleged affair here at the Brew.

Truthfully, I’ve got my own issues to work out, so I’m really not too concerned about being all up in their marriage. But it does bother me that 2 people who loved each other at some point aren’t giving themselves the privacy they need to either mend their family or go their separate ways.

Close to 10 million people watched the show’s season premiere this week, a record for TLC. Jon and Kate Gosselin have reportedly racked up about $6 million from the show so far. Now, are the Gosselins that money hungry that they’d rather keep the cameras rolling while their marriage falls apart?

When is it time to kick the cameras out and bring the marriage counselors in? What’s your call?

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Is Dating Dead?

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in black women, Is Dating Dead?, Single Life | Posted on 29-05-2009

Remember when boys used to pinch and elbow you in class to show they liked you? That led to them making you check ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to profess your love (or, your dislike) for them. If you played your cards right, the next step was something my aunties always referred to as courting. That’s some ancient process where the guy rolls out the red carpet for your affection.

I think the art of courting died somewhere circa 1950-ish. These days, you’re lucky if you get a Can I come over? text, or a What you doin‘ tonight? e-mail. And don’t hold your breath for him providing you with a meal because he’s coming over to your house to eat the food you bought and cooked in your kitchen.

So I ask, what happened to dating? Does anyone go on actual Would you like to go to dinner with me on Friday at 8 at Chez Whitey? dates anymore? Is dating dead or are men just cheap? Or, maybe women are giving the goods away without the need for the dates? Perhaps since courting died, no one really knows HOW to date anymore.

Not to toot my own stuff, but I think I’m well-worthy of being asked out, putting on some nice duds, being driven in your car (on your gas dime) and taken some place decent (it doesn’t have to be Le Cirque but it can’t be In & Out burger either) for a meal that comes with no strings attached. Unless, of course, a sista wants some after-dinner strings… hey, we all have needs & I don’t judge.

In return for these dates, I will provide you with my undivided attention, my witty banter, my blinging smile (no, I don’t have diamonds in my teeth) and, perhaps, some of the good softlip when the date is over (the lips on my FACE… get your mind out of the gutter!).

Now, you don’t have to take me out three times a week (I do have other things going on). And I’m well aware there’s a recession going on. But it would be nice to get a weekly offer to do SOMETHING (dinner, movie, ice skating, concert, museum trip, walk in the park, go karting, kumbaya-singing… something that brings us closer together)! These are all things we women ultimately wind up doing with our girlfriends. Some of my best ‘dates’ have been with my crew. Damn shame my girls love me better than any man ever has.

Women shouldn’t have to beg for a man’s time and likewise, we shouldn’t have to plan everything either. It wouldn’t kill you to shave, put on some real pants and take us out. Man up and take charge… we like that, no matter how independent we are or may seem.

I’m tired of dating myself, dammit!!!

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