Tiger “Cablanasian” Woods has released a statement on his website regarding his fender bender following a domestic dispute with his whootie wife.
“As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.
This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.
This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.”
Whatevs….his spin machine is in full control. In case you’ve been living under a rock here’s a breakdown of Tiger’s (@tigerwoods) shitty week:
He got caught cheating
He sped off in the middle of the night, but clearly he is a better golfer than driver, so his kissed a tree with his Escalade
His wife either was either trying to save him or finish off the job by breaking his windows with a golf club
He and his wife both refuse to talk to police
His alleged mistress has denied any involvement
A “source” who claims he talked to Tiger on Friday following the accident claims Tiger said he has to hitch a ride to Zales to buy a “Kobe Special“. When the friend inquired about what that was, Tiger alleged responded a “house on a finger”. Then he reportedly told the friend that his wife got REAL GHETTO before the accident. See, I knew there was a reason I never liked this Golfing Gump. Clearly Tiger has problems identifying with the black side of his heritage. He’s proven that time and time again and the closest he’s come to a black chick was the wait staff at his country club. So when your wife who clearly is very upset at your infidelity “pops off”..you equate that with someone urban or black? The world may be in awe with your well spoken non-threatning ass but you are and always will be a cornball! So go sit in the cornball corner AFTER you talk to the cops. I bet if I wrapped my car into a tree I would have some ‘splaing to do.