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Channing Tatum Heals A Nation

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted on 07-07-2015

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I nominate him for Knighthood… we don’t do that here in the US do we? Well we should start!

Channing Tatum is a GOTDAMN NATIONAL TREASURE!

As a currently slightly discouraged American… this world has been a little rough on us humans who believe in decency and kindness, lately.

This past weekend, though… I believe I have found the person that can bring together all the fighting factions: the Dolezal and her ancestors… the Mexicans and the Trump (nah eff Trump, drop him off in a hole somewhere.)

White Hayzeus in a thong hath brought us “Magic Mike XXL” and it is GOOD!  NO seriously, IT IS!  The makers of this here sequel listened to the randy masses. They got rid of that pesky plot crap full of seedy existential angst (“if the stripper p-pops alone, does his thong make a sound?”)  from the first movie and replaced it with  silliness, grinding (cause that’s what you’re paying for) and the dance!

So much dance and lifting and tossing about! Oh and bromance, because these are strippers with hearts of gotdamn gold!

They got rid of Matthew McConaughey who’s hot is still on layaway from his Oscar win. Jada Pinkett Smith joins the cast as his replacement, and dammit– I kinda love her. (Fish Mooney has been killing her acting lately!)

OK fine, you don’t trust me at my word and need some more info?  Basically Channing Tatum aka Mike the Whittler of Ugly Furniture, who hails from the Magic Village of Spray Tan… rolls with his boisterous crew to a “stripper convention”. Hijinx ensue. Yep, that is the plot.  Look, they know their audience.

They know I am a tired working woman, and don’t necessarily want to think deep ass thoughts all the time. I wanna see some asses wiggling…dip it low and pick it up slow, fellas! Nah, seriously there’s a whole thing about owning your sexuality and there is total body positivity and all that jazz, there is ZERO making fun of women in this movie…yadda yadda yadda…        Hey, Joe Manganiello.

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Stephen “Twitch” Boss

I mean they didn’t even bother to give the Stripper Convention a catchy name. They know what you’re here for, you know what you’re here for. Let’s not pretend.  But wait there’s more, along the way they meet up with some Chocolaty DELICOUS grindy fellas for a grinderful time. Seriously, it’s a Brother Abpolooza.  Just 30 minutes of Magic Mike are what Chocolate City tried to be.

 

Might I interest you in a 7 piece suit, sir?

I mean I guess…

The irony is, I LOATHE male strippers in real life. But if the slimy guy from my cousin’s bachelorette party looked like ANY of the fellas in this fine film, I’d stay stocked in dolla bills… ok maybe not Donald Glover. Seriously, I love Childish Gambino as much as anyone who’s your Auntie’s age, but still likes to know what the kids are listening too. But I’mma need that nerd to put his chest up.

So treat your Big auntie and yaself. It’s a good time! FOR REAL!

 


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Iggy Tried It. Britney Finished It.

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted on 06-30-2015

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Britney Spears is not here for Iggy Azalea’s shenanigans. Miss “Toxic” tossed a glittery bag full of shade at the Aussie rapper after Iggy not-so-subtly accused the singer (insert finger quotes) of not doing enough to promote their duet, “Pretty Girls.”

In a Twitter back and forth with her fans (do I need more finger quotes here?), the rapper (insert another set of finger quotes) said there wasn’t enough of a push for the song.


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I Am A Warrior Tour Empowers, Encourages

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted on 06-14-2015

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Saturday, I had a chance to experience Bershan Shaw‘s inaugural I Am A Warrior 180° Tour: Turn Your Life Around event in the Washington, D.C. area. Shaw, a DC native, is a motivational speaker, life coach and founder of URAWarrior. You may know Shaw from her appearances on the OWN reality show, Love in the City. Shaw is a two time breast cancer survivor who has a powerful story of overcoming stage four cancer. The I Am A Warrior tour is a day long event, chock-full of panel speakers and motivators like celebrity make up artist Kym Lee, celebrity hair stylist Kiyah Wright (also on Love in the city), actress/photographer Chenoa Maxwell (also on the TV show), and motivator/author Cheryl Wood. All of the panelists shared their stories of overcoming fear, beating illness, finding inner beauty, and stepping into greatness. I’m sure all women can relate to the various testimonies shared during the tour, but if you’re challenged by cancer, illness, depression, and other illnesses and conditions, or, if you just want to network with powerful, like-minded women, this is the motivational movement for you. Check out Bershan’s website to find out where the tour will appear next and follow the hashtag (#IAmAWarriorTour) for updates and highlights from the tour.

Meanwhile, check out a few of my pics and other inspirational quotes from the day below.
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Brew Homage: The Many Looks of NAACP Leader Rachel Dolezal

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted on 06-12-2015

Photo: Tyler Tjomsland/AP

Photo: Tyler Tjomsland/AP

By now, you’ve read the story of Rachel Dolezal, either on our Facebook page or over on Twitter where it’s taken over. If not, here it is in a nutshell, via 11Alive:

A recent investigation into racially charged threats made toward the president of the NAACP chapter in Spokane have raised questions beyond who made the threats.

On Thursday, Rachel Dolezal’s parents claimed she had been deceiving people.

Ruthanne and Larry Dolezal said they want people to know the truth about their daughter, Rachel, including that she is Caucasian.

The Dolezals sat down with 11Alive’s Spokane sister station, KREM 2 News and said their daughter is specifically German and Czech.

Rachel Dolezal was born in Troy, Montana. Ruthanne and Larry Dolezal said their daughter has always identified with the African American culture and had black siblings who were adopted. They said she went to school in Mississippi and was part of a primarily African American community.

The Dolezals said Rachel married and later divorced a black man. They said after the divorce in 2004 Rachel began identifying differently. She started claiming to be partially African American and the daughter of bi-racial parents. They said they have noticed her change in physical appearance but do not know how she did so.

Transmelanin* aside, this lady was super committed to her faux-Blackness. I mean, the lengths she went through to have convincible hair deserve a golf clap, a pack of wavy Remy and Brew Homage. Let’s look…shall we?

*Hat tip to Jamal Bryant
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Raven-Symoné to Co-host The View

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted on 06-10-2015

Raven-Symone

It’s official! Raven-Symoné is your latest co-host on The View. The announcement was just made at the start of the show where she’s been filling in as guest host for some time now. So, settle in for a long line of newsmaking stories about her misguided comments.

SEE: Raven adds fuel to comments comparing First Lady to an ape

AND: Raven doesn’t want Harriet Tubman on $20 bills

OH, DON’T FORGET THIS ONE: I’m not African-American

Will you watch Raven on ABC’s The View or did you give up on this show a long time ago?

Image via Lou Rocco/Disney/ABC Television Group
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