From the mind of Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 12-01-2010
Everyone that’s been around a block or two (or five) probably has figured out what exactly they will absolutely not accept in a partner. For me? Bad dental, foul hygiene, stupidity, thinking I’m stupid, lack of morals or conscience and cheapness (to themselves and others). (There are soooooo…many others, but this is not about me. )
So, Dudes- what say you?
REV REAL: Stank breath, stank coochie, bad attitude……Flatulence I can endure.
ELPHIE: Sometimes a lady forgets the Beano…glad to know she can still be in the game.
DIRTY MONEY(the dude formerly known as The Casher!): Mentally: laziness,Complaining/whining, Selfishness Physically: Bad Teeth/Breath, Fake everything (I can handle a little here and there, but damn…), Rough skin. You’ve got to be smooth as a baby’s ass because I touch a lot. Sexually: A mildewed vagicat. Certain questions during sex. If you have to ask “Am I doing it right?” the answer’s no. Is that something you really want to hear? Hairy ta-ta’s. If you pull off your bra and the first thing that comes to my mind is “che-che-che chia”, I’m suddenly tired and you gotta go.
Those are just a few. There are more, but I’ll spare you the details.
Phlip: Lying – and this includes having a bunch of stories and shit where the facts don’t match up from the stories of all parties involved. Cheating – I’m selfish and what’s mine is mine. Having a trail of exes, each with some horrible-assed story appended to it – this suggests someone who on one hand has bad luck that I would not want to share in, and on the other hand someone who is a horrible judge of character. Kids – no matter how “out of the picture” a still-alive child’s father might be, he has EVERY right to be concerned with who his children are in regular contact with.
note: this one is not a deal-breaker, so much as it is a deal crippler, unless there are multiple kids with more than one father, then I run for the hills. Confrontational – I don’t argue… PERIOD. I lack the energy or desire for that shit. If you do, good for you, go do it over there.
BIG IN EUROPE:Wonky Eye,Cleft Lip, Down Syndrome, Speech Impediment, Narcoleptic Fits, Gigantism, Receding Hairline. I could go on and on….
ELPHIE:Me thinks Big reads a lot of medical websites and such. Gonna go grab a seat and a snack for this next guy…I’m sure the list is long… What say you SUpreme?
SUPREME: My deal breakers may not be like a lot of guys, but it’s proven I won’t even give a woman a remote chance if she has one these: Children (I don’t like ready-made families. No creaking up with her AND her kids if things go wrong).- She smokes. Fakeness, meaning lots of make-up, miracle bras, different color contacts, WEAVE, booty pads, botox, etc. It works for strippers and celebs, not for a woman I’m with. – Lies regularly- Is a gold digger - Belly is one of her favorite movies of all-time (I’m SO not kidding about that).- is ignorant, and happy to remain so. – has major jealousy issues (I have a lot of lady friends). – Obesity.- has any type of STDs
So Brewchies, What’s your “absolute, no exceptions to be made..this mofo better get outta my face with this bulljive.”…DEALBREAKER?
*TODAY’S AVATARS ARE SPONSORED BY THE GHOSTS OF BADBOY PAST…AND MARION SUGE KNIGHT.