From the mind of Witch Hazel | Posted in 2010, year in review | Posted on 12-26-2010
What a year! What a year?!? Much of the hope that we felt as 2010 began was abruptly halted when thousands died in Haiti’s massive earthquake in January. The year’s ups and downs continued with the BP oil spill and, then, the successful rescue of 33 Chilean miners trapped underground for more than two months. As 2010 comes to a close, let’s take a look back at everything else in between…
Falls From Grace
Bishop Eddie Long: sexual coercion lawsuits and talk of improper mortgage schemes led to the fall of one of the country’s most notable megachurch leaders. This guy couldn’t pray 2010 away even if he tried.
BP Oil: not that they were ever beloved, but the mishandling of the Gulf oil rig explosion put them on the fallen list so much that the President was looking to kick someone’s arse.
Democrats: they took a shellacking at the polls in November.
T.I. & Tiny: these two went from newlywed and ballin’ in a Maybach to writing jailhouse letters again in what seemed like a matter of minutes.
Lindsay Lohan: she’s been falling for years, but getting tossed in the slammer –and then rehab– was the cherry on top of a year of fail for the starlet.
Paris Hilton: the weed isn’t yours…neither is the coke or the Chanel bag. Poor thing, Kim Kardashian took all your shine…all that’s left is making headlines for drugs.
Lil Kim: her constant needling of newcomer Nicki Minaj is very un-queeny. If you’re supposed to be THE Queen B, a newbie buzzing around you isn’t supposed to even hit your radar.
Lynn Redgrave: actress, Georgy Girl, sister to Vanessa
Eunice Johnson: purveyor of Fashion Fair & Ebony magazine
Alexander McQueen: maker of fashion fineries
Manute Bol: NBA baller, Sudanese activist
Jimmy Dean: sausage king
Ali “Ollie” Woodson: Temptation who treated ‘em like ladies
Diaperman: guardian of the funk
Guru: spitter of jazzy rhymes
Zelda Rubinstein: actress, communicated with the Poltergeist
Elizabeth Edwards: cancer champion, health care reformer, lawyer, devoted wife & mother
Come Ups and Comebacks
Michael Vick: from the doghouse to the starting lineup. Is there a ring in his future?
Chilean miners: 33 men emerged from the darkness of being trapped in a mine for more than two months…one even had to pick between the wife and the side-piece.
Kanye West: a year ago, his name was “mud” after stealing that little country girl’s thunder at the VMAs. Now, he’s got the most critically-acclaimed album of the year. Kanye’s Comeback Plan.
Nicki Minaj: she’s won over a legion of “Barbies” with her spastic nursery rhyme raps. She’s the hottest chick in the game because she’s the only chick in the game (sadly).
Betty White: from commercials to movies and sitcoms, this Golden Girl was everywhere this year, proving you can still run with the big dogs…and lead the pack at 88.
Amber Rose: from stripper to arm candy to soon-to-be reality TV “star.” Yeezy taught her well.
New Orleans Saints: the team went from ain’ts to Super Bowl champs and put a city back together in the process.
Chris Brown: Mr. Take You Down is putting the “beat down” behind him, passing domestic violence class and hopefully saying deuces to his childish ways.
South Beach: the hotspot where everyone is “taking their talents” these days, except, of course: Savannah’s wedding planner.
That WikiLeaks dude: briefly jailed then released to house arrest in a mansion isn’t so bad, huh? The world’s leaders are still shook by what Jullian Assange’s website will publish next.
Wigs: from lacefronts to colorful ones of the Kool Aid variety… your everyday basic brawd is channeling her inner Beyonce/Minaj/Rihanna these days.
Health Care Reform Law: signed in March but my bill went up 30 bucks. What gives, Mr. O? Anyway, it’s a big deal for the Obama Administration that will hopefully improve care for all of us.
Minty mango-scented lotion: The Boondocks made young, black wanna-be actors everywhere hope to one day be offered a rubdown with this moisturizing goodness in hopes of snagging a Tyler Perry movie role.
R. Kelly: well, he’s back…but that doesn’t mean we wanted him to return.
NeNe’s nose: nostrils haven’t gotten this much attention since Michael Jackson’s.
Jimmy McMillan: The Rent Is Too Damn High guy complained his way to a possible 2012 presidential run.
TSA employees: what other job PAYS you to feel-up people?
Tea Party: largely responsible for that shellacking the Democrats took in November.
Swizz Beatz: he was a successful producer before he knocked up and married Alicia Keys, but you can’t help but notice all the shine, endorsements and buzz surrounding him since the nuptials. #nothating #justsayin
Kate Middleton: the commoner turned soon-to-be princess. Queen one day? She got the balding brother though. *shrug*
Willow Smith: whipped her hair to a record deal and international stardom but she’d better get crackin’ on her “maths.”
Lil Wayne: all the hoping in the world couldn’t keep this guy in prison. Oh well, Drake kept his seat warm…
Brandy: thanks to Dancing With The Stars, Americans have said the name “Brandy” like it’s 1996 and Moesha was the hotness.
The Old Spice Guy: Isaiah Mustafa is just fine and I want to see more of him. That is all.
Just Go Away…Already
Antoine Dodson: the first couple of weeks, it was funny to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, but now, it’s just smarmy to keep making money off the attempted rape of your sister. Exit stage left, sir.
T-Pain: do I really need to explain why?
Sarah Palin: it was cute when you were just winking, droppin’ the “Gs” off your words and losing the election, now it’s just annoying and a bit scary that so many share your beliefs.
Kat Stacks: being a groupie for the sake of groupiedom is just sad. At least get a reality show and a shoe deal out of it.
Any “celeb” that makes you stop and wonder “what is their talent, again?” (this includes anyone with the last name Kardashian)
Skinny jeans: …and take the sagging jeans with you.
Anyone who ever lived on the Jersey Shore and made a TV show about it.
Who’s On Your List?
Of course this list doesn’t include all the happenings from 2010. So, what tops your list of big events for 2010? Who don’t you want to see in 2011? Leave your 2010 recap in the comments section below.
Thanks for reading all of our rants, news, Brewshyt and musings this year. We hope you have a great new year and that you’ll stick with us in 2011…we’re going balls to the wall!