They just don’t make men like they used to. There, I said it! But before I get accused of man-bashing, let me make the following disclaimer: I have met some great guys in my life, but there is a big difference in how they roll compared to the generations before them. Okay you say, that’s a given, these are different times. My response is the times are different but our core needs haven’t changed. Men say they’re so simple… in between sips of lattes and taps on their blackberries, but some are just as high-maintanance as they claim we can be. So where are the sturdy fellas? And by sturdy I don’t necessarily mean in stature, I mean in a more reliable, simplistic way.

So as we limp down that bumpy road toward Valentine’s Day, I’m going to spit some hot Dylan fire on the types of men that I have met and some I’ve wished that I hadn’t. First up…

The Magical Traveling Ninja:

This dude is all about adventure. He’s done Carnival (The real joint in Brazil, he’ll remind you) He’s scaled Mt. Everest (twice), and he’s eaten sushi with the sharks. On Facebook, he graces the common-folk with Nietzsche quotes attached to the obligatory picture of his sandy feet on various beaches.

He has a life-size map in his study with pins on every spots he’s visited. He shakes his head often, corrects your pronounciation of the Lourve and always begins every sentence with, “Well in (insert country here) they do it differently.” He’s usually very educated or well-read and mad restless because of the lack of real gelato and grappa in these here parts. This dude also goes “international” with other women from time to time to satisfy his constant craving for “something new”. Doesn’t matter that the “something new” is the maid in his Brazilian hotel room. When you threaten to rip up your college degree, put on maid gear and grab a mop he sums it up, “well she’s just different than American women and more appreciative”. Um, yes I would be appreciative too if your could provide me a green card out of this third-world hell hole.

My advice ladies? Stay away from The MTN. He’ll NEVER be satisfied with the norm.

Stayed tuned for my next episode. Witch, out!