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Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

A Brew “What Not To Do” When You Don’t Get Paid …….


Posted by Piper from the Brew | Posted in brewshyt, what not to do, you pay now! | Posted on 14-02-2011

Yeeeeeeaaaaa, punching your boss in the face is probably not gonna get you closer to payola dude.



A Special Valentine’s Day Message To All The Boys I’ve Humped Before………..


Posted by Piper from the Brew | Posted in Brew Love N' Stuff | Posted on 14-02-2011

Ok now listen! these Valentine’s Day text messages are getting outta hand. Yes sir, I know you, have likely humped you in the past, but we NEVER talk, like ever! Why are you texasing me just cause it’s Valentine’s Day??? No I don’t wanna be your Valentine, no I don’t want you to come over to my house and give me a Valentine’s Day massage, no I don’t want a taste of the special meal of Valentine’s Day shepperd’s pie you’re offering to prepare for me, I don’t miss you or your sweet sweet lovin, I don’t wish we woulda worked out. The thing is I was fine not speaking to you sir, I wasn’t sitting around hankering for your sweet tenda, I’m good! I just can’t seem to bring myself to care about text messages from people who could give a rat’s ass about me any other day but wanna reach out to me because it’s Valentine’s day thinking my lonely vagicat might be giving out entry passes cause some stupid little fat boy with a arrow says I should……. puhleeze sir! 

GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC! Take your Valentine’s day well wishes and jump off a cliff!


Ask A Dude© : The 10 Year Courtship


Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 14-02-2011

Hey Dudes!

 So how long is Too Long for a woman to wait for a guy to propose?

(She’s gonna be so pissed at the charm bracelet inside there)

  I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for 10 years, for example, and she wants to get married.  He has had a decade to save for a ring, so call me crazy…I just don’t think it’s going to happen.  (She would probably call me a “hater” *blink*) This normally wouldn’t be my business, but for the last 5 years she is convinced that every birthday, Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year and Flag Day will be THE DAY. It’s getting sad. Really really sad, mostly she’s getting annoying…REALLY annoying.

As a guy do you think that once you hit a double digit in years in a relationship you can pretty much say: “Why bother?”  At let’s say the 4+ year mark, can you pretty much say you’re just riding the relationship along, waiting for her to realize you’re just not that into her?  Or perhaps you just really like to take your time and not be rushed.   And what about hints and ultimatums. What do you do with those if you have zero intention of caving in and proposing?

(The thing is, they’ve been dating since Undergrad)


(It’s the) DIRTY MONEY:TEN FRIGGIN YEARS?!?!? Homie is NOT marrying her.  Period.  She should just come to terms with that and ride this thing here on out. A guy usually will know after about the third year. And at that point, he should at least be shopping for a ring. A hint/conversation should happen three times. If he can’t take the hint or converse with you about it for an equivalent of three times (the first time is usually, “I don’t know…”. The second is usually, “Yes, I love you but…”. The third time SHOULD be,”Yes, I give up.”. Lol, then it’s time to pack your vag and go.

But the lack of conversation about it will tell you where it’s going and if he has any intention at all of being your prisoner, – oops, I mean, husband.



REV REAL:  I think it really depends on the woman and what she is willing to endure. I dated my wife for 7 years before we got married, but I don’t think we would have made it to 8…I also think its fair for the woman to determine for herself what “too long” is. For example, I was dating an older chick who was ready to get married when marriage wasn’t on my radar. So, she walked away (or I let her walk away depending on whose vantage point you are considering).




Phlip!:  (check out his blog!) There is no ‘too long’ for something like this. The ONLY time coordinate up to question on such a thing is the intangible “when the hell ever [proposer] is ready” and not a second before. Some people – as in both partners – are (or claim to be) perfectly fine with the 10+ year relationships without having shared last names, lord knows I have seen it time and again.
Speaking for myself here, I can’t imagine riding ANY relationship that long with someone I was “just not that into,” eventually my allergy to wasting my time would kick in and bad things might happen.

For others, if elapsed time happens to become 5, 10 or more years, some solace should be taken in that right there is where they want to be whether or not a marriage ever takes place. Hell, most MARRIAGES don’t last THAT long, let alone an actual committed relationship. It is a bit pretentious to assume that EVERYONE is automatically supposed to be married, or even want to be.

Hints and ultimatums, though, are deal-breakers. Anything that suggests that our schedules for such things are anything less than in sync or understood would lead me to believe that I am being assigned someone else’s peace of mind. If there were ZERO intentions, the hints and ultimatums are time to make for the door, but if there was a chance, then a good long sitdown is to take place to discuss the direction and necessary time frame of things is in order.


The Zombie of Mr. Crab: The old saying is time waits for no one, unless you’re the Rip Van Winkle of relationships. 10 years is a long ass amount of time. Michael Jackson went from a child, to a man, to a light skinned man with less meat on his nose, to an even lighter man with even less meat on his nose, to eventually the ugly twin sister of Jackie O.

I don’t know what this guy’s lack of follow through stems from.  But if he does what the only guy I’ve known in this situation has done, he will:  continue to cheat on his girl, cave into pressure from her family and his to marry her, fly her to an exotic locale  to get engaged, buy a house and move her in, then accuse her of infidelity, and less than a month later, move his 6-month pregnant mistress into the house and kick her out.   In other words: Bitch, run for the damn hills!!!!!


(Today’s  avatars are brought to you by the many James Browns- RIP!)


Bitter Beiber Fans Not Feeling the Love for Esperanza Spalding…


Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 14-02-2011

 As the Brew has said time and again, Esperanza Spalding is an amazing gifted performer. She even has a bitchin’ head of hair. But don’t tell that to Justin Beiber fans. Pissed that she won last night’s Grammy Award for Best New Artist, Beeb’s dweebs decided it was WikiWar.

There’s a new strain of Beiber Fever, that apparently affects stans ability to accept defeat for an award they themselves were not up for! Beiber fever apparently makes you racist and stupid and makes you replace words with an “I” with a “Y”!  Go figure.

Beware the wrath of a Justin Bieber fan scorned. After the 16-year-old phenom — and, for that matter, Drake, Florence and the Machine and Mumford & Sons — lost the Best New Artist award to Esperanza Spaldingat the Grammys on Sunday, the little-known jazz singer found herself a target of the Beliebers.

Spalding’s Wikipedia page was attacked following her Grammy win, as random facts, misstatements and taunts were added to the site and then quickly removed. After a sentence noting her victory, for example, a user added the statement, “Justin Bieber deserved it go die in a hole. Who the heck are you anyway?”

                                               In other places, the singer’s middle name was changed to both “Justin” and “Quesadilla” and her Grammy win was written up with the addendum,          “Even though no one has ever heard of her! Yay!” At the end of her biography, one user wrote, “Biber 4 Lyfe.” Source: MTV

As for Beebs himself;  he seems to be fine, knowing that he is swimming in all the trim a 16 year old fella could ever want, must be a nice consolation prize! And why were his fans even allowed to be up so late?! Raise your friggen kids, yo!


Men We Know Case #4433: The M.T.N.


Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew Love N' Stuff, Brew Men, Social commentary | Posted on 10-02-2011

They just don’t make men like they used to. There, I said it! But before I get accused of man-bashing, let me make the following disclaimer: I have met some great guys in my life, but there is a big difference in how they roll compared to the generations before them. Okay you say, that’s a given, these are different times. My response is the times are different but our core needs haven’t changed. Men say they’re so simple… in between sips of lattes and taps on their blackberries, but some are just as high-maintanance as they claim we can be. So where are the sturdy fellas? And by sturdy I don’t necessarily mean in stature, I mean in a more reliable, simplistic way.

So as we limp down that bumpy road toward Valentine’s Day, I’m going to spit some hot Dylan fire on the types of men that I have met and some I’ve wished that I hadn’t. First up…

The Magical Traveling Ninja:

This dude is all about adventure. He’s done Carnival (The real joint in Brazil, he’ll remind you) He’s scaled Mt. Everest (twice), and he’s eaten sushi with the sharks. On Facebook, he graces the common-folk with Nietzsche quotes attached to the obligatory picture of his sandy feet on various beaches.

He has a life-size map in his study with pins on every spots he’s visited. He shakes his head often, corrects your pronounciation of the Lourve and always begins every sentence with, “Well in (insert country here) they do it differently.” He’s usually very educated or well-read and mad restless because of the lack of real gelato and grappa in these here parts. This dude also goes “international” with other women from time to time to satisfy his constant craving for “something new”. Doesn’t matter that the “something new” is the maid in his Brazilian hotel room. When you threaten to rip up your college degree, put on maid gear and grab a mop he sums it up, “well she’s just different than American women and more appreciative”. Um, yes I would be appreciative too if your could provide me a green card out of this third-world hell hole.

My advice ladies? Stay away from The MTN. He’ll NEVER be satisfied with the norm.

Stayed tuned for my next episode. Witch, out!