That phone that houses your little black book and work contacts could be setting up your brain for some technical difficulties down the road.

It’s long been speculated that prolonged cell phone use could cause cancer down the road, now the World Health Organization says the use of a cell phone IS a possible carcinogen, like lead and engine exhaust (you wouldn’t willingly stick either of those in your ear though). So what can you do to avoid cell phone radiation build-up? Use your hands-free device (especially when you have a weak signal)! But, please, please, please for the love of White Jesus, do not walk around using just the speakerphone. I hear enough of your random conversations about what’s on sale at the grocery store.

For more on cell phones and cancer… here’s CNN:

Guard your domes, people.

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Bishop Eddie Long was back in the pulpit yesterday, like nothing happened. Just days before, he settled his sexual misconduct cases with four young men. You know, the cases he said he’d vigorously fight because he was so innocent?!? His church –New Birth– issued a statement saying the decision to settle was made “to bring closure to this matter and to allow us to move forward with the plans God has for this ministry.” Rumors are now swirling across the Twitterverse that Long settled for $15 million, but no official amount has been released under the terms of the settlement.

Adding to the trouble: Rev. Bernice King, daughter of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., has stepped down from her position as an elder in Long’s church. King delivered the altar call at Sunday’s service, then bounced. It’s not clear whether King’s departure is because of the sexual allegations against Long… but it sho’ looks fishy.

Long reportedly never directly addressed the settlement with his congregation yesterday. I don’t know that I could sit in the pew with that elephant in the room. Do you think his flock deserves an apology or explanation? Would you still attend his church? Discuss…

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No really, no one is more surprised than me,  by that proclamation. AT the time of the ‘ex-ing’ process I likely wanted them dead, disemboweled or at least stricken with a disease that I made up in my head called Dick Fallsoffs Palsy.

But, I have to say- in the here and now. On this day, though tomorrow may be a different story, I love those clowns!

Through them I learned:

1. What I will and won’t stand for (which is surprisingly a more diverse scope once I started to figure out what love really is –and I’m still learning)
2. How much I value honesty above all things
3. How to when all signs point to ‘HE LIES’ never believe that the girl who throws you shade for being with him is: “Just my friend, really!”
4. How to take a compliment
5. To believe in my gifts as much (actually even more) as someone else does
6. To be generous with time and compliments
7. To tell someone how you feel, always. Yes, always, even if they may not feel the same way. Or even if what you feel isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy.

Mostly, they have each taught me what love and commitment REALLY are. Now suffice it to say, they taught me that, by NOT providing it in some way. But that’s cool too. Errybody aint for everybody and to be quite honest if I were to fit my square peg in their round hole (or are they the peg and I’m the hole?) knowing what I NOW know, we would have been setting ourselves up for the ultimate fail, complete with Ultimate Fail Telethon and Ultimate Fail Dancers. Hindsight truly is 20/20.

I love my ex-boyfriends! Yep, even the ones I refuse to friend on Facebook or return emails to. They are a collection of super funny, super smart, super talented foul mouthed hooligans. Nothing wrong with that, in my book!  The best of the lot are great friends that I can count on for anything at anytime (unless they are having sensual relations, then I’ve gotta leave a message). They let me pick their brains about electronics, art, investments and other men.  The worst are a breathing blueprint of ‘What Not To Do’ and that’s a valuable commodity to have in one’s back pocket.

So thanks, my small dream team of ex-boos. For either dumping me or taking it like a champ when I dumped you. I’m glad that I can sit up on the phone with you on a random Sunday afternoon chopping it up about nothing in particular and we both hang up thinking warmly in a Denzel Washington voice ‘MY MAN’ and go about our respective lives.

Anyone looking for a great (though not for me) guy? I’ll hook ya up! Sharing is caring, and I’m not recycling them bamas for myself!

 A 24-Carat Mac Pro, when only the finest for ‘net pimpin will do!

• Single Dudes:  Has the interweb completely ruined your game? When you once may have thought of the internet as your penile oyster, do you find it’s much more of a hassle now to juggle since Social networking has made it near damn nigh impossible to keep these heffers away from each other? How do you play the dating game in a day and age of cyber transparency?

• Married/Commited Dudes:  Facebook is fugging up marriages left and right:  Exhibit A .   Do you find it harder to stay up out of nonsense due to the internet? Do and your partner share passwords, how do you keep trust?

THE AVAILABLES

  BIG IN EUROPE:  It’s funny that you refer it as a game, because that’s all it is… If you’re using the Internet to date, and you find girl du jour, if you KEEP it as such, then whether or not you find one another is irrelevant.  The biggest problem with this whole scenario is that most guys THINK they are players, when in fact they are simps in player clothes; scary ass halfwits, that think because they can talk to a girl on a computer, they got game.

I personally don’t use the Internet for talking to girls (Though I must admit that I’ve have and found some lovely people on it), because I don’t like surprises. If I WERE to use the Internet for cyber-pimping, I would just be honest with the iWhores and let them all know that they aren’t the only piece of eTrim in my scraps drawer. 

Honesty = no surprises. No surprises = free eLove. Free eLove = STDs for EVERYBODY!!! YAAAAAY!

< waxing poetic >Oh, I swear, back in the days when I used to juggle 5-6 girls on the Internet and 5 at home, life was good. I used to keep ‘em all in line and on a schedule. No surprises, no games. These young bucks… all they know is what they think they know. Assholes don’t know shit about no game. I feel like I need to open a school on how to be a real player… </ waxing poetic >

Oh yeah, if you’re dating on the Internet, they you probably don’t give a rat’s hairy ass if you get caught… If you’re a real player, you’ll replace her surly ass with 2 anyway…ESPECIALLY in the age of social networking… Punk ass bitches!  The internet is ruining the moral fiber of some good ole cheating!

ELPHIE:  Erm… moving along…

STONE-AY JACKSON:  You can’t be a playa at all. Everybody has a mutual friend now. Everybody, so you can’t be online having multiple women.

CA$HA:   I don’t use the Internet to date. I have found dates on the Internet in the past though, and it didn’t go so smoothly. It always ends in an issue of trust, whether justified or unjustified. It’s much easier to meet someone in person, and stay off of the Internet altogether. The more serious relationships are the ones that are attainable. Often, that’s the one that can be physically shared every day, and not a weekend lover. There’s no certainty in those either, but they are much easier to maintain than any .com love is.

GROSS DUDE:  Facebook has made it difficult for single fellas pretending to be in serious relationships. 

BUT for single fellas being single? What better way to catalogue all the women you want to get with. More importantly…you cross reference who knows who. Measure your degrees of separation between the multiple women you might be dating.  You see their social habits…where they are prone to go, who they are prone to hang out with. This will prevent you from showing up certain places with one chick knowing another is prone to show up at that same venue.  As for getting caught… Disable your walls dummies!! Set privacy…make sure you have your App alert to notify every time someone tags a pic u don’t want the world to see and un-tag yourself ASAP.  No excuse to get caught unless someone really goes out their way to ruin you.

ELPHIE:  If my love for this dude is wrong…

THE TAKENS

PHLIP-adelphia:  No, no problems in my house. The problem for those who DO experience that is likely just as much rooted in the lack of things like trust, self-control and selfesteem. I mean, if anyone goes to Facebook  to rekindle old flames, they would have done it without Facebook as well, Facebook just gave them an easier medium for doing so.

Marriages/divorces are not down/up, respectively, because of social networking; they’re down because people are getting married for the wrong damned reason.

No issue with nonsense, because we do not allow that shit around us. And if by “share passwords” you mean “leave the computer powered on and logged into everything (email, FB, blog, etc…) when I leave the house or go to sleep,” then yes I do.

REV REAL:  Pseudonyms, fake birth dates, and no photos of yourself. Or, as the conservatives call it, “plausible deniability”.

ELPHIE:  REALLY REV, IS THAT YOUR ANSWER?

REV REAL:  What the hell you want me to say? I ain’t pimpin on FB or Black Planet (ELPHIE:  Um is there still a Black Planet?) so I’m not in the game. But if I were, that’s what I’d do. That’s the problem…people try to get so sophisticated with their strategy of not getting caught that they lose the real purpose. An example: my cousin got caught cheating because he used a “discrete” website where married couples looking to cheat could hook up.  But the website popped up in the autofill Google section and the wiz found out, and subsequently cheated on him.   KISS:  Keep It Simple, Skeezah

 ELPHIE:  Ya ever wanted to punch a Rev square in the junk?

**Today’s avatars brought to you by the BEST SHOW EVER!

This summer, Queen Latifah plans to debut a new clothing and handbag line on the Home Shopping Network. But, whatever you do, don’t call her clothes “plus size.” She says:

“It’s just a word to bury at this point. It’s for all sizes. The truth is, we all like to wear the same clothes. We all want to wear beautiful, fly clothes no matter what size you are. For me it was important to match with a company that understood and respected that ideal. I felt the marketplace didn’t respect us in the way it should. I am not going to step out with a clothing line that didn’t respect a fuller-figured woman or a curvaceous woman and really all women.”

Her new line will feature denim and other apparel for women sizes 2 and up, handbags and eventually, clip-on hair extensions. I hope those extensions include some Cleo cornrows. Her apparel line will be priced under $100 and the bags will range from $170 – $300. Latifah will make her first appearance on HSN on August 27th. (Lord, please don’t let it look like anything Deréon…)

I can’t even make a Kang Latifah joke here. I lubs huh! Give it to ‘em Queen…

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The highly anticipated sequel to The Hangover drops May 26th, but not without some controversy. Zach Galifianakis is under fire for his character’s use of the n-word in The Hangover Part II. Galifianakis is defending the use of the term, saying it fits in with the idiocy of the character (“Alan”) that he plays.

“For someone to say that word so cluelessly, it’s funny because it comes out of a place of ignorance. And Alan doesn’t know any better; he’s just an idiot. Anyone who would say that so loosely is an idiot. That word can be very inflammatory but Alan is such a dimwit, it’s not excusable at all but you’re making fun of people that would say that word.”

Director Todd Phillips added “Alan’s” use off the word only adds to the off-the-hook element of the film and the character: “For me it’s really an illustration of how left-footed Alan is with the world. It’s just what you do as writers, as a director, and as an actor. You exhibit these qualities and have certain tools with which to work. I think that moment there just highlights how out of step and out of rhythm he is.”

Does use of the n-word bother you in all situations or are there occasions when it’s acceptable? Will you still go see the film? What’s your call?

Image via Warner Bros. Pictures
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Shhhhh… I have a confession. I just HAVE to know about the ex. Absolutely HAVE TO! It’s a curiousity that cannot be satisfied until I see a picture  or know something about her. It’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t be focusing on the past but sue me, I’m a nosy Witch. Oh, and don’t even come at me with some psycho babble explaining my peeking problem cause you know what? I’m not alone. Most women do it. It’s like a sorority. Let’s call us See Phi See! The other day my co-worker hastily called me over her cubicle with Facebook pulled up all ready to dissect  her  boo’s ex’s profile pic. See Phi See! I do know this is really a no-win situation. If the ex is cute, then it’s a problem. If the ex is ugly, then it’s a problem… because what is that saying about you? I know, I know that’s some weird rationale right there, but if the chick looks like Heatmeiser how did he get me? Yeah, call me Shallow Hal. I’ll be that… and I bet I’m not alone

Fellas, have you ever wanted to partake in the pleasures of a lady but you know it wouldn’t be any fun if your homey can’t have none? How do you keep the sessy time with the lady friend from going ghey between you and your boy? Last night, Justin Timberlake, Andy Samberg and Lady Gaga spelled out the golden rule of a 3-way…
Taste The Brew for the video

Faith Evans must have wanted to drop her baggage before the rapture cometh. Big Faye filed for divorce from her husband/manager – husbandger?, Todd Russaw.

RadarOnline has the deets…

Filed in Los Angeles County on May 17, 2011, Evans notes that she and her husband actually separated in December 2005!

The couple married in 1997 and Evans cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for filing for divorce. They have two children together, Joshua, 13, and Ryder, 4, who was born after the couple officially separated. She asked for sole physical custody of the kids, but joint legal custody in the papers.

Evans asked for Russaw to get written permission to take the children out of California.

Evans began dating Russaw in early 1997 before the drive-by death of the Notorious B.I.G.

And you’d think they would have lasted… I mean, after getting popped for coke and weed possession and then doing rehab as a couple. Guess the couple that gets arrested together doesn’t stay together, huh? Watch out Tiny & Tip!

Image via Life
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May 21 Rapture Scheduled for 6 p.m. YES!!!

I’m going to be quite honest with you, after the week this Witch has had, a nice Spiritual Armageddon is looking AMAZEBALLS!  I cannot wait to meet Black Jesus and all the Puerto Rican Apostles and Bi-Racial Angels. (I’m sorry, but Heaven looks like My people in My head).  I have had enough of duplicity and tomfoolery and shennaniganery!  Bring on the MUTHA JUMPIN’ Rapture!

This brings up an issue though.  When exactly is this Rapture and WHAT DO I WEAR?

I want to look good. But appropriate, but not like I’m trying too hard.  Then, there goes  the question about afterlife. Do you get stuck in the same clothes you left this crappy earth in? I don’t think I want to be wearing my spaghetti stained BLACK GIRLS RULE tee and ex-boo’s boxer shorts, for eternity!  I also don’t want to be boring. I will not be sitting up in heaven wearing some J Crew chinos.  Ok, I think I’ll go classic and simple…navy sheath dress and some nude platform pumps, maybe a cashmere cardi if it gets chilly at night…(Is there a night? SOO MANY QUESTIONS!)  the goal is to be appropriately chic yet simple and understated for all Heavenly occasions!  Yikes, I totally need a mani/pedi.

Ok, now that that’s figured out - what time exactly IS Rapture time? None of the websites seem to agree…this is my favorite estimation:

Harlold Camping, Bible enthusiast: The Rapture is at 6 p.m. on May 21, 2011, where ever it’s 6 p.m. first, with the “fantastically big” world-ending event taking place on a time zone by time zone basis.  That means we can expect the Rapture to start when it hits 6 p.m. at the International Dateline at 180 Longitude — roughly the between Pago Pago, American Samoa, and Nuku’alofa, Tonga. We’ll know it’s Judgment Day because there will be an earthquake of previously unprecedented magnitude, Camping predicts. SOURCE

 Uh ok, it will be 6pm SOMEWHERE and the world will start rocking….uh GOT IT! Let’s dance, people!!

The Basketball Chickens Wives are back for another season of drama. Evelyn is trying to cash in on the non-muhfuggin factor comment (and Tami is coming for dat arse, still). Royce has a new man and new beef with Evelyn. Ochocinco is trying to make more babies and the new wife, Meeka Claxton, has already pissed off Tami.

Taste The Brew for a peek at the new season

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