May 21 Rapture Scheduled for 6 p.m. YES!!!

I’m going to be quite honest with you, after the week this Witch has had, a nice Spiritual Armageddon is looking AMAZEBALLS!  I cannot wait to meet Black Jesus and all the Puerto Rican Apostles and Bi-Racial Angels. (I’m sorry, but Heaven looks like My people in My head).  I have had enough of duplicity and tomfoolery and shennaniganery!  Bring on the MUTHA JUMPIN’ Rapture!

This brings up an issue though.  When exactly is this Rapture and WHAT DO I WEAR?

I want to look good. But appropriate, but not like I’m trying too hard.  Then, there goes  the question about afterlife. Do you get stuck in the same clothes you left this crappy earth in? I don’t think I want to be wearing my spaghetti stained BLACK GIRLS RULE tee and ex-boo’s boxer shorts, for eternity!  I also don’t want to be boring. I will not be sitting up in heaven wearing some J Crew chinos.  Ok, I think I’ll go classic and simple…navy sheath dress and some nude platform pumps, maybe a cashmere cardi if it gets chilly at night…(Is there a night? SOO MANY QUESTIONS!)  the goal is to be appropriately chic yet simple and understated for all Heavenly occasions!  Yikes, I totally need a mani/pedi.

Ok, now that that’s figured out - what time exactly IS Rapture time? None of the websites seem to agree…this is my favorite estimation:

Harlold Camping, Bible enthusiast: The Rapture is at 6 p.m. on May 21, 2011, where ever it’s 6 p.m. first, with the “fantastically big” world-ending event taking place on a time zone by time zone basis.  That means we can expect the Rapture to start when it hits 6 p.m. at the International Dateline at 180 Longitude — roughly the between Pago Pago, American Samoa, and Nuku’alofa, Tonga. We’ll know it’s Judgment Day because there will be an earthquake of previously unprecedented magnitude, Camping predicts. SOURCE

 Uh ok, it will be 6pm SOMEWHERE and the world will start rocking….uh GOT IT! Let’s dance, people!!