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Ask A Dude: The Big Dismount

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 22-05-2014

dudeAuthor, Poet, and Contemporary Dancer Chris Rock  once said “If you take the duration of a relationship and divide it in half that’s how long the couple has been breaking up”.  Is there any truth to this?  How long does it take men to detach?

*****

 

 

 

 

Young (not anymore) MC But why does he really look like SUpreme, doe?

Young (not anymore) MC But why does he really look like SUpreme, doe

SUpreme:  How long it takes a man to detach is based on the man – there’s no general, uniform answer. Honestly – I don’t know why people think all men or all women fit into the same box on things, ESPECIALLY with these new age emo Drake dudes running around fluffing up ish and exfoliating their eyebrows. Some men are more feminine than the women – and I DON’T mean effeminate gay dudes, either!

So the only way I can answer is to put my own detachment. I’m rather cold – if I’ve truly detached from anything, it’s instant once it happens. I will notice myself caring less, and can warn about that – but once it’s gone, I’m gone mentally. It’s not coming back. The “cut the relationship in half” thing doesn’t work with me – cuz I would never stay in a relationship that long if I was truly checked out. What’s the point? Do us both a favor and move on for the better of BOTH our lives.

 

 

 

 

sure I have a case of mints...

sure I have a case of mints…

STONEy: Depends on how deep your feelings are. Most men make the the mistake of seeking comfort outside of the relationship. If you really love someone you try to work through it. If not its almost instant

 

 

 

 

 

 

LL A Delicate J

LL Delicate J

 

CASHER: Naw, I don’t think that’s true. Especially for a long-term relationship. As far as how long it takes men to detach, that depends on the man and how connected he was from the beginning. If it was a relationship full of pressure and stress, it probably won’t take take that long. But if there was some substance or source that he got from that woman, it may take a long time. Best friend’s are hard to move on from. Great lovers are hard to move on from. “Matching crazies” are hard to move on from. It depends on how deep and what your level of substance was for him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

300_45935

This guy…

Phlip:  I cannot say that is true for both parties.  It can be that something comes up between the parties that just cannot be reconciled, or one party is simply too stubborn to work toward an amicable solution.  I cannot imagine that a couple that has been together longer than a year or two spending an entire half of their time working towards breaking up.

When it IS over, though, men tend to be able to shift focus and actually move on more easily.  I won’t say it is “immediately,” but generally he and some of his best friends are working toward moving on as soon as possible. (So his crusty bestie Ced is taking him to all the scrip clubs. That same bamma that ate your food every Thanksgiving. Fucker-E.)

 

BigDaddyKane03

I bet Gross just sits around his house like this waiting for the p-train to hit the station.

 

 

Gross DudeHell, that applies to F^ck buddies as well.  I’ve been breaking up with a few for a good 5-10 years now….and we weren’t even F^ck buddies that long. (- BLANK STARE- E.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apropos of nothing…after looking for all of these 80′s avatars… I wanna jam!!

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Ask A Dude: Lemme Run My Fangers Through Your Fro’, Ghul!

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 08-04-2014

dude

They’re Baaaaackkkk…. It’s been a long time! But the Dudes are Back and as opinionated as ever.

If you’re unfamiliar, check them out in all their archived gloray gloray (Putyahhandstaghetha! -Kirk Franklin). Let’s get right into it shall we?

By now, you may have seen the Mr. Hightower  Steve Harvey show segment featuring a lovely (no pun) woman, who’s husband cannot get into her  African Pride.  It sparked a bit of conversation on our Facebook Page, but mostly from the ladies. Out of morbid curiosity we wondered what a chosen few of opinionated and intelligent Men Folk thought.

Thus our Question of the Week:

Has the naturalista movement changed your perspective on what makes a woman beautiful?

 

james evans

SuPreme always wanted to run his fangers through Florida’s natural.

SuPreme: I assume that applies to women going natural now? It hasn’t changed anything for me personally, because I ALWAYS liked natural women.That’s the family I grew up in – women with real hair, real eyes, minimal makeup if at all – so that’s what I’m attracted to. I actually have found it sad when some people can’t believe I wouldn’t date a woman with a head full of weave or who regularly wears a ton of makeup – says something more about them that my attitude is a surprise. Says even more when they found out I never had a problem finding women like that – like those women were magical unicorns only seen on the third blue moon of a generation.

What makes a woman beautiful is HER. Not her cover-ups, not man-made chemicals and enhancements – HER. Especially her mind. And I have always had this rule that I still live by – if you look like a completely different woman when you wake up in the morning than when you went to sleep? You are NOT the woman for me.

 

tumblr_lagoa5Swqs1qdqlwpo1_1280

Phlip, He catches bullets in his teeth. #truestory

 

Phlip: No, it hasn’t CHANGED my view on it.  What it has done is create more women who are willing to attempt to be comfortable in their own skin.  Someone who is cool with being themselves will be be sexier 1500% of the time.  Granted, there are some heinous miscues that come with natural being “in,” but you take the good with the bad.

 

 

 

His name is Stone, but he likes to be called Lando Calrisian during sessytimes. #wordonthestreet

His name is Stone, but he likes to be called Lando Calrisian  whilst “making love” #hiswordsnotmine

 

Stoney Sez:  Oh the natural movement has me HATING the weave movement.

Why not just be yourself?

Why are you being someone else?

 

 

 

 

 

Casher wants to know why "you can't callllll no boday?"

Casher wants to know why “you can’t callllll no boday?”

 

The Casher: Not at all. Makes it easier to get your ass out of door quicker!

No more three hour metamorphosis, burnt hair smellin’, greasy make-up dawning, track glue pillow stickin’, game delaying bullshit.

Rock your natural beauty, Boo!

 

 

James-Earl-Jones

Grossy, has all the animal magnetism of a young James Earl Jones’s sweaty taco meat.

Gross Dude (Grosser and Deffer than Ever): I’ve always been partial to that natural/neo-soulish/bohemian style woman, but at the end of the day, it still has to look good “on you”.  Those styles and looks don’t necessary work for everybody..and lets face it, if you are a hotmess made up, and you are a hotmess as a naturalista…your still a hotmess.  Just being a naturalista doesn’t make you beautiful.

I’m just saying… the hot naturalista chicks…are hot chicks no matter what style they do.  Those are the ones that end up in magazine pics.

Most are NOT those chicks.

 

In summation: Fro up! Be free to be your naturally beautiful you, boo!   But if you’re homely…really it doesn’t matter to them, either way.

I know, Mother Oprah…I know…

 

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Ask A Dude: Not so Fast, Sir!

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 07-05-2012

 

This is ALL he's gettin'...

A Brewchie Writes in: Hey Dudes, I just started seeing a new guy; I told him that I like to take my time to become intimate with someone and really to get to know them first. He said he was cool with that, but he was still going to sleep with other people as we ‘get to know each other’. What should I do? -Holding On To Da Draws

*****

 Phlip: It seems to me that she is holding off on physical interaction before being in a relationship with someone, and there is simply a difference of opinion on his part. In his mind, he is not in a relationship with him, nor is there any level of exclusivity implied on his part. Much respect to him for being honest with her as it relates to it too. As far as “what should I do?” it comes down to how she chooses to receive this information. It is apparent that some physical attention is important to him and that given that he has not yet established a “home” from which to receive it, he will get it where he gets it until he does. Is she willing to “get to know” him knowing what could be happening on the other side? If not, does she realize that he has made it succinctly clear that she has no claims of ownership to make yet. Not that I know either party here, but it seems that their ideals are quite opposite and that they might not make a great match given this one fundamental difference and would hope that she is as honest with herself as he has been with her and acts accordingly.

SuPreme: What should you “do”?? Well – use common sense, first off. If you’ve explained your position to a guy, and he’s like “I’m gonna get it in while you put me on nookie probation” – well, then, you have to respect his honesty. Now make the decision if you’re okay with that. REALLY decide it. Because I understand where both of you are coming from. Are you okay knowing he’s going to have other options? If so, go ahead and keep dating – but make SURE you’ve searched your feelings on it. However – I don’t think many people WOULD be okay with that. And if you’re one of those people, move on. Find a guy who fits into what you want and respects that decision. You start compromising for one guy, you’ll compromise for the next guy or guys. It would be better to know if you guys have been dating for a while or if this was a conversation had after a very short time. If it’s the latter – why are you even considering this? Move on.

Brewchies, what say you? Can you take your time to “get to know” someone who is currently “knowledgable about” other people?  Should you automatically chuck deuces to a guy who isn’t willing to play by your rules? Fellas, are you willing to take your time to get to know someone without humping, or is this just a ‘quaint’ idea?

Whisper sing us out, Damita Jo

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Ask A Dude: What’s with that “D” Word?

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 10-04-2012

 
Ah, the simpler times…I bet HE never said “I mean I just wanna kick it!”          
(Well, at least to her face.)

It happens more often than we’d like to admit, you just don’t undersand why the guy  you are regularly hanging and smanging with just don’t seem to be on the same page, as you.   He seems to like you just fine – he’s pleasant and kind, but things just aren’t all that gooey vomity love, like-Titanic– in 3 D.  (Ok seriously, I hated that movie, they had to put that ish in 3D?! Because 2 D wasn’t long, and annoying enough? You need the boringness (yes- new word) to come ATCHA!?) And you really want some Heart Will Go On Action (typing that just made me puke on my keyboard). Near far… wherever you… are black on black  JackMalik and Rose*tta’isha LOVE!

Have you ever found yourself exclaiming “I just need more from the person I’m dating?!”…(needle on a record sound there… aw remember records, no? Eff you, youngin’.) 

Perhaps that’s the root of the problem, we need to define that word once and for all.

Dating.  One simple word can mean many things depending on your perspective.

So, let’s see if the Dudes can help us get some clarity.

How do you define “Dating”? 

Are there levels to it, like does seeing someone once a month NOT equal dating them? Is dating someone exclusively any different from them being considered your girlfriend?  How/how not?  Or is all of this just wacky semantics designed to keep the black man down? What say you?

*****

SuPreme moves like Jagger

SuPreme:  Well, there is no truly no rhyme or reason on this – men DEFINITELY don’t think the same on this, and neither do women. It depends on age, culture, environment, etc. – so many things. So this is just me personally – not speaking for men in general…

Dating for me is me and a woman going out somewhat regularly. If we’re calling each other weekly and consistently making plans to get together – with obvious romantic talk and actions – we’re dating. Doesn’t mean we’re exclusive. We can get to that point, but that doesn’t prohibit me from going out with someone else, and I’m open about that. Same for the woman.

I personally don’t sleep with multiple women on a rotating basis – meaning, if I’m dating a woman, and also going out with another – and woman A and I are intimate – I’m not also sleeping with woman B. Even if she wants to. If I feel strongly enough about woman B, I cut off the sexual encounters with woman A – and most likely stop dating her. Dating for me is more casual – we go out, enjoy each other’s company, vibe – see if we’re working towards something more; see if we fit.

The last woman I dated – we dated probably for a year. Exclusively. No, we weren’t boyfriend & girlfriend, but we pretty much only saw each other, and definitely only had sex with each other. But we never got to boyfriend/girlfriend – which to me is just a deeper connection. We weren’t showing up at formal events together, and we weren’t chilling with each other’s friends and families like that – it was just us. When she got a job in another city – there was no need to “break up” – we enjoyed each other’s company and time, and remained friends. But we obviously weren’t dating any more. Had we been boyfriend/girlfriend, we would’ve had to talk about where we went from there – do I move with her? Does she turn the job down? Etc…

So I DO think there are different levels of dating, like casual dating and exclusive dating. And exclusive dating doesn’t mean boyfriend/girlfriend to me. Now another guy? Might have a TOTALLY different take on things.

 

It's UN-possible to be Funkier Than George

DUDE DARKNESS:  1- Levels To Dating.. YES!
 
2- Seeing somebody once a month does NOT by default equal dating them! There are questions to be considered…What happens when you guys get together… is there distance involved preventing daily contact… did you guys agree to a relationship or PLAY IT BY EAR status… did you AGREE to being  BOOTY CALL CHIC and want to move from SIDE CHIC to MAIN CHIC without LETTING HIM KNOW…. or did you agree to be booty call chic KNOWING DAMN WELL that you want MAIN CHIC status and all along knew from the BEGINNING you were going to accept the position just to get your foot in the door and hope he gets used to you so you can move on up??!!!
 
3- Exclusive dating does equal boyfriend \ girlfriend status… DUH.. What the H-LL else does EXCLUSIVE mean??? You and 5 other people???
 
4 – PAY ATTENTION … EVERYTHING IS DESIGNED TO KEEP THE BLACK MAN DOWN… NOW-A-DAYS ( Treyvon Martin and Alabama Shootings ) THEY JUST SHOOTING US IN THE STREETS LIKE THEY’RE BIG GAME HUNTING AND WE’RE BIG GAME!!!!

 

Iggy Pop's my retinas

 Phlip!:  To me, a “date” is anything with a level of romantic interest involved, no matter the “level,” as described. Once a week, once a month, every couple of months. If there is even the possibility of some interest there then it is a date.
Dating someone exclusively is different from being their boy/girlfriend. Just because that person is the only one you’re seeing at a time doesn’t necessarily make them your significant other until both you have agreed to that position. Sure, it is the last step before being in a committed relationship, but “dating exclusively” is wildly different from “in a relationship” in that the latter suggests that you are off the market while the former suggests that you’re still open to applications.

 

 

 

Crotch Shot sponsored by Poise

 Elphaba: Sooo…who’s more confused than before? *raises hand* I guess the only solution is to TALK to the person you are seeing, and negotiate terms that you’re comfortable with. It would be really bad to assume you’re working on a commited relationship, when his definition of your relationship looks like a revolving door.  A guy actually, told me that once…true story.  He told me he thought of his dating life as a revolving door, then he asked me to dinner. I can’t make this ish up.  I had the lobster, and everything that happened after that I take full responsiblity for.  And STILL I rise?

 

 

 

Brewchies what’s your take on the often  confusing  “D” word?

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Ask A Dude ©: “I’m sooo outta here!”

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 13-12-2011

"Look, I dont care if you have a 'fresh clean towel', I'm outta here!"

Witch E. apparently has always had a non-judgemental goofy friendly  face that says ‘Tell me all of your intimate gross arse business!” and once at Uni (Witch E. also likes to talk as if she is from London AND in the 3rd person) she had a guy friend pull her to the side seething about a midnight encounter he had with a “lady” and mutual friend.

“Can you believe that HEFFA asked me to pull her tampon out FOR HER?!”  Hightop fade with the swoopy dyed swirl in the front, spat into her ear in front of the student Union.   New Jack Swing played on a cassette in the distance.

“What did you do?”  Young, African Medallion-ed Asymmetrical Haircut Witch E. cringed as she asked.

“I kicked that broad out of my dorm room!” HTF looked disgusted. But Witch E. was proud of her homie and his standards. Thus starting a long career of an often way too open dialogue with Dudes.

She would  always wonder, what were other deal breakers for seemingly always wanting to smush smush fellows.  Surely men are not as indiscriminate as the media makes them out to be. Thank goodness for THE DUDES!

Sooo Fellas, Happy Holidays and all of that…

What are your sexy time deal breakers?

If you are getting frisky with a ladygal, and she asked you to do (Insert Crazy-ish here) what would make you say ‘Yea… you know what? I’m outta here!”

 *****

Dude Darkness:  Having Sex with:

  • Farm Animals
  • Smurfs
  • Sesame Street Characters
  • Dress Up as Barney
  • Choke Her \ Me – Pee on Her \ Me 
  • Whips – Chains – Handcuffs – SAFE WORDS!!!!

ALL of those things Equal = ” Ahh… Yeah… Just remembered… I have something to do” “And what would that be? “.  “LEAVE!!!!”

                                                        

Rev Real:  That’s easy.

  • Anything involving a strap on.
  • Anything involving another dude.
  • Anything involving my arse. It’s a one-way street, son.
  • Anything that has her smelling like something with scales.
  • Anything that requires me to get fully out of character.

No, I will not be your Ike Turner. But I will be a slimmed-down Bookman and come into your apartment naked with just my tool belt and 250 keys.

 

Phlip! It Good: *shortest answer ever* Buttplay, game over.

 

 

 

Big In Europe:  I’m pretty much open to damn there anything. I’d have to say if she says “scat play”, I’m breaking the fuck out. I don’t deal with the poo-poo play. I’m not into necrophilia either. If I wanted cold p*ssy, I’d break out the Bomb Pops. I’m not doing anything to any animals either. Anything else? Yeah, I’m kinda down with it. What can I say? I’m nasty as fuck. Wait… Wait… WAIT… NO GAY SHIT, EITHER. F*CK THAAAAAAT!!!

 

 

Simon Sez:  Nothing is to go near my anus for any reason. It is one of two reasons I believe an open hand slap to a woman is acceptable.

 (Witch E. is curious as to what the OTHER reason is…)

 

 

 

Gross Dude:  What would make me walk away…hmmm… anything that involves pain to me. Fvck what you heard..pain is not pleasure.  Now of course if she wants me to beat her with a 2×4, insert an apple in her ass or burnher with a wire hanger that was heating up on the stove burner, thenshe can get it.  Whatever floats her boat…I aim to please.  Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to come back the next week, out of fear of what she might want to do next.

Witch E: (Stunned silence.)

 

 

Witch Elphaba:  Soo, it seems that the Dudes really aren’t into anal-anything, pretty against pee-sports and Playing ‘Smurph’.  Luckily there’s Craig’s List, for the rest of yous if Gross Dude is occupado!  And a Happy Ho Ho Ho-in’! Loves ya!

Brewchies what are your sexy times “HELL NAWS?!”

 

**Avatars brought to you from the “Witches’ Brew ruining Christmas Classics Foundation”**

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