Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Ask A Dude, Ask A Dude The Round Table | Posted on 07-05-2012
A Brewchie Writes in: Hey Dudes, I just started seeing a new guy; I told him that I like to take my time to become intimate with someone and really to get to know them first. He said he was cool with that, but he was still going to sleep with other people as we ‘get to know each other’. What should I do? -Holding On To Da Draws
Phlip: It seems to me that she is holding off on physical interaction before being in a relationship with someone, and there is simply a difference of opinion on his part. In his mind, he is not in a relationship with him, nor is there any level of exclusivity implied on his part. Much respect to him for being honest with her as it relates to it too. As far as “what should I do?” it comes down to how she chooses to receive this information. It is apparent that some physical attention is important to him and that given that he has not yet established a “home” from which to receive it, he will get it where he gets it until he does. Is she willing to “get to know” him knowing what could be happening on the other side? If not, does she realize that he has made it succinctly clear that she has no claims of ownership to make yet. Not that I know either party here, but it seems that their ideals are quite opposite and that they might not make a great match given this one fundamental difference and would hope that she is as honest with herself as he has been with her and acts accordingly.
SuPreme: What should you “do”?? Well – use common sense, first off. If you’ve explained your position to a guy, and he’s like “I’m gonna get it in while you put me on nookie probation” – well, then, you have to respect his honesty. Now make the decision if you’re okay with that. REALLY decide it. Because I understand where both of you are coming from. Are you okay knowing he’s going to have other options? If so, go ahead and keep dating – but make SURE you’ve searched your feelings on it. However – I don’t think many people WOULD be okay with that. And if you’re one of those people, move on. Find a guy who fits into what you want and respects that decision. You start compromising for one guy, you’ll compromise for the next guy or guys. It would be better to know if you guys have been dating for a while or if this was a conversation had after a very short time. If it’s the latter – why are you even considering this? Move on.
Brewchies, what say you? Can you take your time to ”get to know” someone who is currently “knowledgable about” other people? Should you automatically chuck deuces to a guy who isn’t willing to play by your rules? Fellas, are you willing to take your time to get to know someone without humping, or is this just a ‘quaint’ idea?
Whisper sing us out, Damita Jo