Everyone that’s been around a block or two (or five) probably has figured out what exactly they will absolutely not accept in a partner. For me?  Bad dental, foul hygiene, stupidity, thinking I’m stupid, lack of morals or conscience and cheapness (to themselves and others).  (There are soooooo…many others, but this is not about me. )

So, Dudes- what say you?

REV REAL:  Stank breath, stank coochie, bad attitude……Flatulence I can endure.

ELPHIE: Sometimes a lady forgets the Beano…glad to know she can still be in the game.

DIRTY MONEY(the dude formerly known as The Casher!): Mentally: laziness,Complaining/whining, Selfishness  Physically:  Bad Teeth/Breath, Fake everything (I can handle a little here and there, but damn…), Rough skin. You’ve got to be smooth as a baby’s ass because I touch a lot.  Sexually:  A mildewed vagicat. Certain questions during sex. If you have to ask “Am I doing it right?” the answer’s no. Is that something you really want to hear? Hairy ta-ta’s. If you pull off your bra and the first thing that comes to my mind is “che-che-che chia”, I’m suddenly tired and you gotta go.
Those are just a few. There are more, but I’ll spare you the details.

Phlip:  Lying – and this includes having a bunch of stories and shit where the facts don’t match up from the stories of all parties involved. Cheating – I’m selfish and what’s mine is mine. Having a trail of exes, each with some horrible-assed story appended to it – this suggests someone who on one hand has bad luck that I would not want to share in, and on the other hand someone who is a horrible judge of character. Kids – no matter how “out of the picture” a still-alive child’s father might be, he has EVERY right to be concerned with who his children are in regular contact with.
note: this one is not a deal-breaker, so much as it is a deal crippler, unless there are multiple kids with more than one father, then I run for the hills.  Confrontational – I don’t argue… PERIOD. I lack the energy or desire for that shit. If you do, good for you, go do it over there.

BIG IN EUROPE:Wonky Eye,Cleft Lip, Down Syndrome, Speech Impediment, Narcoleptic Fits, Gigantism, Receding Hairline.  I could go on and on….  

ELPHIE:Me thinks Big reads a lot of medical websites and such. Gonna go grab a seat and a snack for this next guy…I’m sure the list is long… What say you SUpreme?

SUPREME:  My deal breakers may not be like a lot of guys, but it’s proven I won’t even give a woman a remote chance if she has one these:  Children (I don’t like ready-made families. No creaking up with her AND her kids if things go wrong).- She smokes. Fakeness, meaning lots of make-up, miracle bras, different color contacts, WEAVE, booty pads, botox, etc. It works for strippers and celebs, not for a woman I’m with. – Lies regularly- Is a gold digger - Belly is one of her favorite movies of all-time (I’m SO not kidding about that).- is ignorant, and happy to remain so. – has major jealousy issues (I have a lot of lady friends). – Obesity.- has any type of STDs

ELPHIE:  *BLINK*

So Brewchies, What’s your “absolute, no exceptions to be made..this mofo better get outta my face with this bulljive.”…DEALBREAKER?

*TODAY’S AVATARS ARE SPONSORED BY THE GHOSTS OF BADBOY PAST…AND MARION SUGE KNIGHT.

You meet your DREAM GIRL, she’s super smart,  poised, hilarious, roots for your favorite team and she has a bangin’ body (whatever that is to you). You introduce her to your best friends and they have a New Jack City Moment ‘Yo, Keesh–I know this chick from somewhere!’ – (to paraphrase Christopher Williams as “I never liked you anyway, pretty maggot farmer” Kareem Akbar). 

Your boys confer and it  turns out your new dream girl is the latest adult entertainment sensation.  Famous for her professional ”Enthusiasm” and “Versitility” . They even send you the video of her ”work”.  

What do you do?

*****

THE CASHER!: Is this before or after I hit it?

Elphie:  I’m not sure that that matters.

THE CASHER!:Hell yeah it matters. If I’ve hit it already, it’s time to let her go. As ignant as it sounds, hitting a porn star is a rare occasion for your average guy. If you did though, it’s a notch on your belt when we get together and talk like little boys (of course, about women). But a professional hoe is still a hoe, and there’s no way you can keep her around longterm. If you haven’t hit it yet, you may keep her around until you do. I know, totally contrary to logical thinking. But it’s Friday, don’t judge me.

Plus, some of you undercover freaks would love a run at a male porn star, yourselves. You just won’t bring him home to Daddy. See.  We’re not that different after all!

ELPHIE: Some days. I hate this job.

PHLIP:  If I can’t trust her, I can’t love her… If I find myself having to question whether or not her profession might cause her to bring me home crotch critters, than it is more than natural that I cannot trust her.  I am selfish and do not like to share my goodies — and by ‘goodies’ in this case, I mean ‘my lady’s vagina — as any happily monogamous individual should be, and if her “job” is to show off the abuse of said goodies, then I would never be happy… That being said, we would be done immediately upon confirmation.

GROSS DUDE:  Well, I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to smash a porn star.. get a few 3somes, 4somes, wicked blow jobs and other pleasures out of it.  I’m not sure how much I can do for her since she’s probably use to taking 14inch pipes in her azz.  But I’m sure I’ll manage to get a few nuts in ’til I get bored.  Then I’ll probably give her the old speil  that.. “I can’t deal with your previous or current side profession. I’m not comfortable with it and have to move on.” 

 You know I’ve thought about this “what if” scenario in the past and I’m 99% sure that I’m going to fukk her regardless.  And before you make your comments about aids and diseases… them professionals get tested more than the average Joes walking up and down the street.

ELPHIE: *blink*

SUPREME:  What do I do?? You mean AFTER I do the Running Man, a few back flips and scream “THANK YOU, WHITE GEEBUS”??

Lmfao…I take it for what it is. Every woman can’t be marriage material. If she was everything described and happened to be a porn star – obviously we can’t look forward to marriage, but I can have a good time with her while it lasts. Truth be told, you can randomly meet any woman who has way more bodies on her resume and is LESS safe than the porn star – porn stars get tested before and after each shoot they do!

I don’t HAVE to watch her work. And if anyone has an issue with it, that’s THEIR issue – as long as everything about her is cool, I’m not going to begrudge her what she does. This is what she does professionally – which will probably make for GREAT FUN behind closed doors.

I’ve actually met a few porn stars. What you see on a video doesn’t mean they’re whores waiting to hump the first person they meet in their personal lives…though some are!  I wouldn’t make her my wife or plan on a 5-year relationship…but I would plan on taking it one day at a time and having fun with this cool woman (as was described in the inquiry).

WHAT’S YOUR CALL?

COULD YOU BE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO PERFORMED PROFESSIONAL ACTS OF COITUS?

So, Dudes.  You and your favorite Boo break up. In the meanwhile you link up with ”Miss Good Enough For Now”.  Nothing’s wrong with her, but she’s not your favorite now ex-Boo. Some months go by. You and your ex reconcile, and you start talking long term commitment… the whole she-bang.

Right as you are giving “Miss Good Enough For Now”  the ‘It’s not me – it’s you’ speech, she tells you she’s pregnant.  And keeping it.  What do you do?
 
Do you tell the new about to Mrs. Dude?…do you ride it out, hoping she’ll never find out? Do you dump your favorite lady and try to do the ‘right thing’ by marrying the one who’s  babied up?
 
Discuss!

PHLIP:  If you are at all trustworthy, you tell the one you’re with that the one in between is with child and let things go from there. A lie of omission is still a lie, and happens to be a much worse kind of lie to deal with if not handled directly.  You do not dump the “favorite,” she is described as such for a reason. You have to offer her the right to decide whether or not she will want to be a part of the life that includes a “babymama” relationship between you and the old jumpoff, as well as the very realistic possibility that being step-mama will delay her own becoming a mama herself. If she wants to go after internalizing these things and hearing your case, you have to allow her that room to grow.   No, you do not just up and marry someone because they have a child — unless you are willing to apply the “cheaper to keep her” as a reason to let them ruin your life — you marry the one you love—- if she will keep you after this fiasco.

GROSS DUDE:  Baby is in the picture…. gotta come clean. Can’t hide this from anyone for to long. As a man, you have no control.. the baby momma has all the legal leverage unless she’s completely worthless to the point where the man can get custody.  Baby momma has the power to make life extremely difficult, she got him by the balls…and now he’s going to kick her to the curb.. while she’s pregnant..for another woman? Yeah..that’s going to go over real well.  Unless that baby momma is so cool and understanding.  Basically.. the favorite ex will have to be a ride or die chick for it to work have to deal with this mans luggage for the next 18-21 years.

SUPREME:  Now this is some real Maury, Jerry Springer-type-ish that THIS brotha would NEVER get involved in or have happen to him! But playing along with the scenario presented…I may be alone on an island with this response, but I’ve don’t like the idea of a broken home. I think people are way to cool with having “baby daddies” and “baby mamas”. I would feel like I OWED IT to my unborn child to make a serious attempt to form a bond with the mother and try to be a family. I would explain it to my “fav girl” (who should already know my mindset anyway) and apologize that it wasn’t able to work out…but I’m not going to leave my child in a home without both parents if I can help it.

True, it may not work out – but I would feel compelled to at least TRY. If nothing’s wrong with the girlother than she’s not my ex/fav girl, then it stands to reason I should try to appreciate who she is and not compare the differences between the two.  That’s how I see it.

ELPHIE: Wow, that’s a romantic way to go into the rest of your life:  ”Well, nothing is wrong with her!”

REGGIE DA BLOGGER: Without a doubt a man NEVER denies his child.  If it’s yours, you own it and you love it. If you’re not sure, you find out.  Regardless, if you’re wanting to wife up with a woman, you don’t lie to her about your offspring.
 
Having a child isn’t a reason for two people to marry and stay together.   The only reason two people should marry is because they love one another.  Monetary reasons, physical attraction and children are not valid reasons to marry.

THE CASHER!:  You tell the ex about the child on the way before you head down the isle. Nothing is above taking care of your responsibility as a man. It may be over with the ex-son-to-be-wife, but she’d have to respect you as a man. Every decision has a consequence. Some good and some bad. But live with what you’ve done, and man up about it. If she respects you enough, you may even be able to salvage the relationship and build an even stronger bond. But never neglect your child.
But don’t go marrying the pregnant one for the sake of creating a “makeshift” family. The price of happiness has no value, and you could be setting yourself up to have a negative affect on your child by their constant discernment of your unhappiness. You’ll always be looking at the mother with resentment, and that definitely takes it’s toll on a child’s psyche. You can share love for your child and have mutual respect at the same time without standing before God and saying vows. Which, in itself is a contradiction. I’m sure you weren’t saying vows when you made this alleged youngin…
 
Think about it.

What’s your call?

Family up or be happy, and sadly – in this situation,  they are mutually exclusive!

 A 2008 study from UNC Chapel Hill put some scientific might behind anecdotal stories that newlyweds pack on the pounds. Over the course of about five years, men who got married gained 6 more pounds, on average, than those who stayed single. Women made out even worse — those who said “I do” put on 9 more pounds than their counterparts who hadn’t settled down.   Couple that with the dilemma of our people mistaking THICK for obese, and believing that soul food is good for the soul –and well, we have a society of  misguided women and men walking (<–who are we kidding?) driving around town about to have a heart attack in some poor unsuspecting shift working teen’s drive thru.  Or worse,  committing flagrant acts of misguided public sex kittenism… I don’t put on my cute outfits, to see this crap.

Photo court: ohhellnawl

So Dudes:  Your normally healthy and fit  lady is packing on some hefty lbs. as she basks in the glow of your Dude Love.  How do you tell her “Babe,  I’mma need you to push away from the table. You are not bringing the sexy right now.”?  Would you be offended if she said the same to you about your Boyance hips and beer/pot roast gut? 

  DISCUSS

HEY DUDES:  So you meet a terrific girl… from your perspective things are going great.  She lets you talk all about yourself and barely says a word.  But the physical attraction is through the roof.  So, you’re a little bit surprised when she says that she thinks you have absolutely nothing in common and talking to you is completely exhausting for her (so, she let’s you do the talking).  But like you — she enjoys your sexy times… so you can totally keep seeing each other…on an after midnight only undressed… please stfu basis? 

WOULD THAT HURT YOUR FEELINGS?

Elphie:  And GROSS ONE, we already know your answer! GROSS DUDE:  (Probably stringing condom wrappers for his Holiday decorations). Gawd, I hate you! But yeah…. No need for me to answer. (Giggles and makes condom wrapper angels. “WHEE!!”)

REV REAL:  Depends on what stage in my life I am in. If I’m in the “enjoying single life” stage, that’s cool. But I’m in Coming to America mode, she’s a waste of my time…I want a woman to stimulate my intellect AS WELL as my loins.  MESSSSAGE!

 ELPHIE:  THE QUESTION WAS….. WOULD THAT HURT YOUR FRIGGEN FEELINGS?? (Note:  Sometimes you have to show these clowns who’s boss!)

 REV REAL:Check it out, Shrek..TRANSLATION:  That’s Cool=no.  Waste of my time=Waste of my time.  Any more questions, ogre?

 ELPHIE:  I hear that Fiona!  So, what you’re saying is that you are you too much of a puss to say that that would hurt your feelings? Is that it?? IS THAT IT?  Real men have feelings, you know Boobear! You wanna hug it out?

 REV REAL:  I wish you an extra crampy, unusually heavy flow during your next cycle. Hug dat.

 ELPHIE:  Someone is scarred; I’ll let him go work that out with himself… NEXT!

  PHLIP:  Honestly?  No, that would not hurt my feelings one bit.It stands to reason that we do all that talking and shit to be ALLOWED the “after midnight only undressed please STFU” stuff, so if I can skip that part of the process and get right to the buttnekkidness — provided that I don’t WANT more out of this situation — then I would be totally fine with it.

One thing to remember is that this, being a jumpoff agreement, is that there is to be no spending of the night. When you’re done, get up and get gone.

 ELPHIE:  (“Get up and get gone!”- I’m going to embroider that on some hand towels, they’ll be available at the Brew Store! Mo’money!)

  THE CASHER!:  Hell no! In fact, in a case like that, I’d prefer a woman come out and say what it is so I wouldn’t have to entertain her ass. I just wish men could be so blunt without all the emotions from women that follow. All of you ain’t “great women”. But some of you have skill sets that are phenomenal.

ELPHIE: (skill set? really?…smh)

SUPREME:  Um…you realize you’re asking MEN this question, right?? I’m sure said woman would do wonders soothing my “hurt feelings” every night. Hey – some women are direct and know what they want. Do you really think a heterosexual man would be hurt if Sanaa Lathan only wanted him for a sex buddy? Sheeeeeiiiittttt…why get all Whitney Houston (“So Emotional”) over a woman you weren’t even IN a relationship with?? Enjoy the fun while it lasts. While you’re shagging her ROTTEN, you can STILL be on the pursuit to find something real…no man is turning down a nice piece of arse who essentially plays into what many single men want ANYWAY – sexy times with no attachments…

Shoot – maybe these new-generation, Duncan Hines extra MOIST-arse Negroes might be “hurt”…cats from my generation would be asking the dude if she has A CREW of ladies just like her…

Hey – Andre 3Stacks put it best…”I’m just being honest…”

 ELPHIE:  Sanaa Lathan?  Me thinks you aim way too high! Think more like Keke down at the DMV!  

Sanaa,  My ass… Say hello to KeKe!

Sweet Mother Of Pearl…these guys make my head hurt.  

 Shrek the Witch, OUT!

Brew Chick’s Quandary: 

“ I’m casually seeing a dude, things are going great from my perspective. There are tons of things I find attractive about him but I just don’t care what he’s up to when he’s not with me. We enjoy the hell out of each others company. I’m living in the moment, not looking to tie home skillet down.  Lately he’s been constantly throwing around the word ‘girlfriend’… quite frankly I think it’s bulljive. 1. WE are so not ‘THERE’ 2. Why can’t a sista just wanna CHILL without commitment coming up?
 
My question is… What would make a man fish around that conversation pool, if the woman is not?! Do men think that all women are so forking desperate for a label, that they can dangle that in front of her as an incentive to ‘act right’ (meaning, anyway he wants you to)? Or am I just so emotionally frigid I can’t catch a hint that dude sincerely wants us to take things more seriously?”

Photo: Granger Wootz

DUDE’S WHAT SAY YOU?

PHLIP:  No, men do not think that women are that desperate, so much as he happens to be feeling her enough to want to explore an air of exclusivity with her.
While it is generally uncharacteristic for a man to make that decision first, it is not wholly foreign for a dude to concede to such feelings first. That he would come to the conversation first should suggest not that he is desperate or feels that she is, but that he is feeling her enough to want to be exclusive with her. If she is not feeling him the same, then she has already failed their potential relationship because they’re not talking effectively. Now is the time to let him know that she is not feeling him that way or that she doesn’t know that she is yet.

For the record, there are few things less attractive than indecision. Now is the time to assess whether there really is potential or to let dude fly on to someone who will give him some reciprocity.

GROSS DUDE:  I can only speak for myself.. Although I think I am the benchmark for the typical normal thinking male… others tend to disagree….strongly.  But that being said… when a woman is giving the time of day.. just enough interest..but its no more than what the man is giving.. the fella becomes much, much more interested.  If we know we “got you” then yeah..we can blow you off or whatever.. but when out interest exceeds yours.. yeah.. we want to lock it down or at least get the tables reversed so we can blow you off later.   

SUPREME:  Oh wow. I don’t know necessarily how to approach this…cuz it’s all from the woman’s perspective; we have no knowledge of the guy’s mindset. I mean…how old is he? How long have you been seeing each other? Would you say he’s a GOOD guy? How often do you get together? Do you guys tend to spend MOST of your time together, or just once in a while?

Maybe he’s just trying to test the waters to see how she feels. I personally have never thrown out the relationship option to get a woman to “act right”. If I’m talking about that, I’m ready to DO that.

Methinks perhaps she needs to talk to him and tell him that things are going good, but to not rush things and ruin it. She should flat-out ask him what his mindset and expectations are, so there’s no confusion…

REV REAL:  Usually when dudes are on that tip, they are trying to prove to themselves that they can be in a relationship or be monogamous. The woman should initiate the lock-down, not the man.

ELPHIE:  Doesn’t that go in direct opposition to the theory that men wont settle down until they are ready, and we need to leave you alone until you FEEL like being monogamous?

REV REAL:  Yeah, but we end up being ready from the relentless prodding of relationship-hungry female.

ELPHIE:  So you’re saying that no man is just ready because he is feeling a woman, on his own.. with no forcing?

REV REAL:  He might be, but he is not likely to be like,”be my girl.”

ELPHIE:  UH then how will she know what he wants? Man, you’re confusing. NEXT!

THE CASHER!: I say you’re putting that puddin on him and his nose is wide open. You should be ashamed of yourself…
Seriously, I’m kinda surprised to hear this question from a woman. Usually, a guy hits it a couple times, isn’t a jerk about it and week later, she’s ready to meet your mother. But this situation depends on how long “casual” is. If it’s been two weeks, then he’s trippin and whipped. Worse off, he’s probably very emotional, and borderline sissyfied. At the least, he’s immature and inexperienced in relationships, because things don’t usually happen that way, that fast. But if it’s been “casual” for, oh…three years, then I can’t see why this would perplex you. But still, all it takes is a sit down and for you to start the conversation with,”I just want to be on the same page when it comes to us”. Tell him you’re not ready to be committed no matter how much you put it on em. He’ll think it’s because there’s someone else (which it may be), or that you’re holding out for someone else (which you may be), but at least he’ll know. But also expect for his actions to change and things to get a little awkward. It’s a tough, but definately necessary conversation that you must have.

REGGIE DA BLOGGER:  That’s a very intriguing question; but the only person who really and truly knows the actual answer to it is the man you’re seeing.
 
It’s true, many men don’t look for commitments.  Many of us are entirely happy playing pin the tail on the donkey without commitments; but some men, do strive to be pair-bonded.  I was that person at one time, I’m still that person.  Some of us see ourselves paired with someone forever.
 
Maybe the simple truth is that we all want what we don’t have?!? Maybe you’re actually in a relationship and you don’t want to be and maybe he’s not actually in a relationship and he wants to be.  Maybe one of you is right?!?  Maybe both of you are wrong?!?

ELPHIE:  Yet that makes sense to me!

 So what do you guys think? Can’t a man truly value what he has and want to commit to it, without trickery or prodding? Or is he playing games to get the upper hand? And is a woman who isn’t ready to commit, somewhat like a unicorn riding a unicycle over a rainbow? Something you’d love to see…but highly unlikely…

So…your friend meets a chick.  He dates the chick, then  smashes the chick, they stop seeing each other.
A month  later, she’s dating his frat bro and smashing his frat bro…

3 weeks later, at a party she’s now flirting with YOU. 
My question…would this make the lady a crew hoe, community service provider or someone a  man can settle down with which I like to call “THE KELLY TAYLOR”

***(–seriously, how do you smoosh jew-fro Steve, Brandon AND Dylan and they all try to put a ring on it?!  I don’t think things would have fared quite as well for KELANDRIA Taylor-Jackson, if you know what I’m sayin…)

 Discuss. 
  *****

REV REAL:She gets a tshirt that reads “Afro Tramp”^{TM Uncle Ruckus}

THE CASHER!:   Easy: Crew Hoe. I can’t really knock her hustle, cause she might be building her resume to write a book later. If she’s trying to get hers, it’s a free world. Though asking if she’s the type to settle down with is comical. Ladies, if you’re rolling like that, once you graduate/leave college, move. Move farrrrrrrr away, because trust me, we talk. And don’t think that because your phone is blowing up that suddenly you’re the sh*t. Nah, word has gotten around about the tricks you do.

Fellas can’t settle down with that. There’s too many “can’ts”. You can’t kiss here, cause you know where her lips have been. You can’t… uh-well, cause you know where her lips have been. And last I checked, insurance doesn’t cover “death by coochie”. There are a lot of things you want in common with your frat brother, but that’s not one of them.

REGGIE DA BLOGGER:  As a rule, I don’t stay in the same “ho” tels that my friends have stayed in.  The way I see it, I’ve just got a handful of friends and there’s at least 6 or 7 billion people in the world.  By the time you subtract the lovers that my friends have had, it still leaves a significant pool of lovers out there.
 
It’s kinda hard to turn a hoe into a housewife and vice versa.

Elphie:  So, what have we learned here, Brewchies?  Do you…and them…but make sure the first them doesnt know the OTHER them you’re doing and everyone wins!  Capiche!?

(… and with these avatars I have officially outted myself as a nerd. I feel soo free!!!)

Does Facebook ruin your attraction to a woman?

Does seeing stuff on a chick’s page make you like/dislike her?

If she has a lot of pictures of her all up in dude’s faces, or head in a toilet, would that change your mind?
 
Or, if she’s always updating her page with philosophical quotes or lonley-women quotes would that make you think she’s desperate/pathetic?\

DISCUSS!

THE CASHER!:  Yes it does. Honestly, I’m getting sick of the “social network” scene anyway. It’s becoming too juvenile and it’s another reason to pry in someones business or have someone pry in yours. I’m not on it as much as I used to be because most people are saying the same thing. And most women don’t know how they come across on there. I get tired of the “men ain’t sh*t” post….or the “why are they always sweatin me?” post….or the “he ain’t sh*t, but why is he always sweatin me?” post. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You ain’t all that, Boo-Boo! Get a grip and chill the f*ck out. (Vent moment)

 How soon this thing called Facebook became childish. It’s a shame that there are no official “rules” when it comes to this stuff. But seriously, I’d rather not meet a female or hook-up with a female on there anyway. It’s my “gym” rule. Basically, you don’t date a women that works out at your gym. You’re there all the time. She’s there all the time. If it doesn’t work out between you, it’s just…awkward. Same principle with Facebook. The only way two people dating can survive, is if one of you scales back your activity and is mature enough to deal with some really uncomfortable sh-, things (I’m potty mouth today. Sorry.)

PHILP (IS HE NAME, BLOGGIN’ IS HE GAME):  Yes, FaceBook can (and usually does) ruin the attraction to someone. Things found on pages can SURELY cause one to dislike someone else. Of what you named/asked, ALL are offenses that can turn a situation south quickly.  No dude can honestly claim continued attraction to a chick who is constantly draped over several dudes in the club, new ones added every Sunday morning just before their “Super Jesus” status updates.  The philosophical quotes can turn things ugly, as “fake deep” people are more annoying than regularly overly book-smart philosophical thinkers. It comes across as forced and very much an act. The lonely woman quotes, or thinly-veiled shots at her non-single friends or exes — or sometimes even at her current situation — are also a turnoff. One end shows deparation, the other shows pathetic and delusional. None of the 3 are “sexy” traits to have, in fact suggest more about a future including a house full of cats than anything suggesting real attraction.
The problem is that Facebook honestly invites people to overshare their lives. Some things are best left to the imagination, and facebook causes people to lose sight of the value in the art of shutting the hell up.

GROSS DUDE:  Yup.. its human nature… we can try to claim that we don’t judge based on the information and photos provided but we can’t help it. Pictures are probably the best indication of what u might be dealing with and might sway my course of action on how to proceed. The voluntary written information can be quite interesting as well. My favorites are the known gutter, drunken alcoholic smutty freaks with all the daily bible quotes. I just read and wonder…”when did u find religion?” But yes… FB info can intrigue or discourage…quite a bit.

Elphie:  Think of it this way, the internet is a media tool. You’re basically acting as your own PR agent.  Why don’t you double and sometimes TRIPLE check, the press you give yourself?   You are branding yourself, every time you update your status.  Be it as a mom, a tramp or a fake Christian.   I also have no qualms about deleting people who’s brand do not support MY brand.  You ARE the company you keep!

Brew Chick Asks: 
 
So a girl meets a guy who is just getting out of an intensely long relationship (6 years)?

What is the best approach? Leave it alone or proceed as normal? Is he damaged goods?

DUDES??

 THE CASHER:  There’s a good chance he’s damaged goods, so proceed with caution. There’s an adjustment that takes place when you leave someone after that long of time, and it’s not necessarily a good time to try to be “serious” all over again. He WILL hit it though, if that’s what you’re looking for. But if it’s long-term that you want, then prepare for the long haul. Be in the picture, but not pushy. Know when to pry for an emotional response, and when to leave it alone. Make yourself relevant, but not “the answer to his prayers” like some women want to believe they are in a man’s life (and vice versa). He’s probably not looking at all. But it’s the “friends” that have that way of winning out in the end when it comes to a man like that. And that doesn’t equate to you throwing your panties at him. But you being the one that he looks back and says, “Damn, I really couldn’t have made it through that difficult time without her”.

 REV REAL:  Proceed as normal

 BIANCA:  Yeaaaaaaaaa….I’m going to rename you ‘Rev Real short and cheap with the answers’…

REV REAL: I’ll answer with more of a question for your girl: why would he be considered damaged goods? Odds are if he was in a long-term relationship he’s respectful, remotely faithful, and knows his way around the sack. It’s the dudes that have been in 12 relationships in 12 months you gotta worry about.

GROSS DUDE:  Long term relationship = Damaged goods? lol… what about guys like me that is never in a relationship?  Hell, I would think that fella might be a good catch.. atleast he is “willing” to be in a “relationship”… and a long one at that.  The Chick should proceed… with some caution… just like she should do with everyone else.

I mean what are your other options? Married man? One in a relationship.. one just out of a relationship… or ME.

ELPHABA:  Awwww…baby you are the epitome of Damaged Goods… Damaged, tainted, stained, charred and moldy….but I love you just the same. (From afar….real a far.)

Supreme:  This all depends on the guy, so there IS no right or wrong answer.

Some dudes can be fine coming out of a long-term relationship – maybe he ended it cuz they grew apart, or he wasn’t in love. Who knows? Some dudes can be moody little bitches, pining after the girl years after the fact.

You’ve just got to sit down and try to gauge what type of guy you’ve got – a Denzel Washington, stand-up, straight-forward dude, or an extra moist, extra sensitive dude like Que from Day 26…

Phlip (call him PHLIP!):  The answer to this depends mainly on the terms under which the relationship ended and some elements of the relationship.

If the relationship ended ugly (yes, you will need to talk and listen to discern this) or kids were involved, RUN!!!

If there was an amiable split, like just due to the fact that they had differing views of a future together, then approach it as normal, but DO NOT compare yourself to the old chick or bring up things that could draw an easy comparison, the past is back there for a reason and usually deserves to remain there.

He is not necessarily automatically damaged goods, but a thorough vetting of the situation is very necessary.

Reggie Da’ Blogger:  The true danger in starting a relationship with someone that has just left a long term relationship is in what he took out of the relationship.  When I say that I’m not talking about material goods, I’m speaking of baggage.  All baggage isn’t carry-on.
 
Men, and women for that matter, have to be taken on an individualized basis.  We all don’t react the same way.  One things for sure, most of us are normally in some kind of relationship, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.  How you treat your significant others or not so significant others becomes your brand……..and I wear my brand proudly.

Elphaba:   Check out Reggie as he gets his da bloggin on…

…. APROPOS OF NOTHING….

Brew Chick Dilemma:  
I have a friend.. who’s life is  a bit on the fritz, but has lately been going to all of these Speed Dating events.

I can see her wanting to get out and about, but she keeps complaining about how she’s not landing “a  catch”.  Now, far be it from me to state the obvious…perhaps she’ll take the advice from The Dudes

Would you date a woman who is between jobs, lives out of her car (or by the mercy of friends and their sofas)  and doesn’t seem to take such great care of herself?

Discuss.

 (Our Dudes believe they are the foremost authority on everything and anything… so feel free to ASK A DUDE  witchesbrewadmin@gmail.com)

Rev Real:  Negative. Old car smell + multiple whore baths = NEAJ (not even a jumpoff)

Phlip:   First off, someone who is “between jobs, lives out of their car and doesn’t seem to take great care of themselves” has FAR bigger fish to fry than “finding a great catch.”
To suggest that they should even be entertaining the thoughts of such is to suggest that they believe that the plots of the older romantic Disney movies are actually realistic. Seriously, reverse roles and put a dude in that same position and the universal answer would be “what? n***a please, kick rocks with both feet”
Second, what kind of “great catch” actually NEEDS to go to speed dating? Has the internets so numbed our general facilities for normal human interaction that we can’t spend more than a few short minutes with someone before deciding whether we want to be bothered with them?
This is one of those rare cases where the shallow and the commonsensical answer are one in the same… Not to say she does not “deserve” a partner, but the fact of the matter is that she has work to do on herself before she is read to NEED one.

THE CASHER!:   The between jobs and living out of her car part is not the problem, but if she’s not taking care of herself, that’s a deal breaker.
Everyone falls on their luck every once and a while. Sh*t happens and most of the time, it’s out of your control anyway. I don’t know how much luck you’d get from the speed dating thing. Most sane men don’t go that route to meet women. If I were her, I would appeal to the simplicity of a man and stop making it a fishing expedition. Guys can spot when a women wants to get got, and that’s when most get to get what they want. You think you’re making yourself a catch, and you’re really making yourself a target. Accept yourself, love yourself, respect yourself. Speed dating falls on the lines of desperation, and rarely does that equate to “love”. Realize that you’re naturally beguiling to men, and use your wits.

SUpreme:  It depends on the REASON she’s between jobs. She could have been a lawyer at a firm that folded, and be weighing her options as to whether to open her own practice or join another firm. She could have quit temporarily to take care of a sick parent. She could have been unfairly targeted and scapegoated at her previous job. So the reason is really important.

Living out the car? That’s kinda deep. I don’t know if I could go THAT far…again, it would have to be the reasoning of WHY. But THAT issue would need a VERY good explanation…living out the car? That’s tackhead territory…

Now not taking care of herself is a DEALBREAKER. I don’t need a woman who is all made up wearing the latest, most high-end things…but brushing your teeth, doing your hair, looking and coming across as presentable – that’s important. I f you don’t take pride in yourself and who you are, why the hell should I??

To answer the question directly…the combination of all three things would give her a less than a 1% shot at getting me to remotely consider her – and even then, the consideration would only come into play if she looked like exactly Salma Hayek, Sanaa Lathan or Angela Bassett head-to-toe.

Big in Europe:  Does she take care ofthe mornin wood? Cause if she doesn’t she’s pretty useless. She should be worried about getting a motherfucking job instead of worrying about  getting a speeding ticket for dating. Fuckouttaherewiththatbullshit!

Elphie:  *scratching head*The hayle does morning wood have to do with anything? …Man, I give up.

Zombie of Mr. Crab:  For all those that have made bad decisions and have fallen short of gaining the attention of the opposite sex…ok, I can work with the versatility of living out of one’s automobile and living by your wits like the “Pursuit of Happiness”, but at least make an attempt to maintain some level of vanity. You can’t be a complete bum…you have to want to be better off than you are. Your friend sounds as though she’d be completely content with eating Vienna sausage and saltines with a side of hogshead cheese and sardines for dinner every night. If you want to stay an unkept woman whose lazier than a obese 1-legged jackass, do you, but understand that’s the only person who’ll be doing you.

Gross Dude:  Wait… this is the woman that is looking for a great catch? Unemployed, homeless and doesn’t even get the cat waxed?  Well, I have to admit.. she has a lot of heart and thinks positively. You have to be that way when u play the lottery too.. Dream big… But ummm… No.. She’s not a winner.. far from impressive… and unless the ass is soooo fat.. that I’m willing to pay for a Brazilian and give her a bath… the answer would be no. 

Elphie:  I don’t remember her mentioning her vagi-cat.

Gross Dude:  Any woman that doesn’t take great care of herself is NOT shaving her Vagi Cat.  Unless of course you were insinuating that she’s a bit obese.  I was guessing she just wasn’t grooming herself.

Elphie:  Dude, I don’t want to talk about this woman’s vagina anymore.

 Gross Dude:  OK.. but is she fat? or just haven’t bathed and shaved in a while? I need to know what u mean by not taking care of herself?

Elphie:   I DON’T KNOW! Do you want me to track her friend down and get a beeper number or something for her, so you can ask her yourself?!

So…you’re getting murried..aw that’s nice, ‘yay love’ and alla that. Your boys, looking out for YOU (yep, nothing in it for them at all…) decide to throw you a bachelor party…with ELEVEN strippers (hell, why not make it a dozen, heck a bakers dozen?!)…but I digress.

Do you tell your fiancee, what’s on the agenda? Or is it none of that chick’s business?

And please explain to women why you feel it is imperative to get shit faced/hump greasy sweaty, most likely generously badly tatted, strange ladies (and see them do side show vaginal tricks) before getting married?

Discuss.

PHLIP: If I was getting married, then I would at least tell her what we were doing, and given that I would be the model citizen that I would have to be to even let it get up to getting married in the first place, I would have nothing to worry about.

Why? Bachelor (and Bachelorette, don’t try to front and act like men are the only ones) parties are supposed to be about someone’s “last night as a free man/woman,” and the generally accepted (and safest, actually) way to go about that is a drunken night out with your friends and the services of a skrippah or 15. So long as you are adhering to the “build your appetite where you want, but eat at home” rule, then no rules are broken. If she can’t trust him or he can’t trust her to not fuck the fuck up that night, then they should probably rethink why it is they’re getting married in the first place.

THE CASHER!: Nope. You don’t tell. That’s one of the man codes. Women don’t know how to let stuff go, and if you tell, you may hear about it whenever she feels like throwing that trump card.
A bachelor party is “supposed” to serve as your last hoorah. You’re supposed to get as wild as you can, because once you say “I do”, your life changes. For better or for worse is a matter of opinion. And usually, the stripper does what you know your wife won’t do. The wife’s pictured as the beautiful bride. Sweet and pure on her big day. It’s supposed to be set around romance and love, even on the honeymoon. The stripper though…straight butt naked ass fun.
So let him live it up and have his last night. He may never have another with his boys, especially

BIANCA: So, marriage means he can’t see his friends anymore? No wonder the divorce rate is so high, jeez! (*Well except for his friend name Ced.. NEVER under any circumstances trust your man’s friend, if his name is “Ced”. It’s a rule I stand by, Trust me).

SUpreme: First off – NO. I wouldn’t tell my wife about the details of the party, only that we were having one. No matter what you say or how you frame it, it’s only going to feed her fears, doubts and/or insecurities about the party. And in the case of SOME women – they’ll even try to crash it.
As far as why you have the party – no man can speak for every man’s motivation. In my experience…the party is usually more fun for the groom’s boys, though I’m not trying to say the groom doesn’t have fun. It’s like their way of saying “This is IT! After tonight, the only booty you’ll ever see is HERS.” So, the organizers tend to make the party over-the-top and take it to extremes that no man tends to see or go through in normal life, to give him the “last hurrah” before forsaking all women for the rest of his life.
Parties can go from one extreme to the other. I’ve seen parties where the groom left after a half an hour, but the party went all night. An d then I’ve seen…well, I won’t get into THAT. I’ll just say it IS up to the groom how much active participation in the fun he experiences. And not EVERY bachelor party is evil or has the same activities

Bianca: Personally, I say let your man do what he wants (he will anyways). #kanyeshrug…

But, I swear, I’m sending this here dime as a gift for my next to be married, homie.

SOO… the Witches and I choppin it up via email, as we do…and the subject of anal loving came up.

OK, I MAY have brought the subject up, sue me. Annnnywhositsbuttsecksway..

Ask A Cash: Do if you down, don’t if you’re not. Don’t really know what else to say about that, but I’m sure some of the other dudes will. (reaching for popcorn and a drink)

Phlip: Golden rule applies here… Mine is to remain treated as “exit only” and in return I will treat yours the same.

Rev Real: No, unless as Slick Rick said, you have a “yay wide” gap.

BIANCA: As in too wide to have sexy times the regular way? My head hurts.

Gross Dude: This may come as a shock to you but… I’m not a fan! Ive knocked off a couple of chicks in the butthole in my time…..but that was pretty much a case of…”I wonder how far this chick will go”, so it was more of a test as opposed to a fascination. I dont even bother pushing that envelope…I’m more partial to chicks that swallow these days but that’s another conversation. But back to the topic at hand… I’ve had instances where a turd would drop out afterwards giving it to them in the butt….and that is just a mood killer. I’m not a fan of shit.. especially when its not in its proper place…so when it ends up on your floor or bed it kinda ruins the moment for me.

BIANCA: *Blink* ……..*Blink*