I am definitely a Stella, I’m a woman of age (nevermind what the age is) who seems to always meet men who are significantly younger. I don’t set out to do this, it’s just what seems to keep happening. Today however I’m wondering if I’m shooting myself in the ass by fraternizing with these young lads. Can anything of substance really come of it if let’s say you’re 40 and a 22 year old is in hot pursuit of you? I mean realistically you can be this child’s mom, so this is wrong right? I mean men do it all the time, they leave their wife of 40 years for tight bodied high school cheerleaders (male or female) everyday, so why can’t a seasoned lady do her thang too? I just keep imagining being the mother of one of these lads and meeting the older lady using my son for his youthful exuberance if you will, and thinking I might wanna press charges against her.

Are you involved in a relationship with someone significantly younger than you? Is it working? Do they ask you to do coloring books with them or take them to the arcade? I’m just looking for answers and some guidance……. don’t want any disruptions in my grove

Soooo, after watching the Tuuuurrel Owens (his pronunciation, not mine) show, the episode in which we discover that best friend Kita made her boo Joe, wait  8 months before she gave him the lucky charms only for him to reveal the very next day that he was married (separated but married nonetheless). This situation really really got me to thinking about the ‘hold out’ that we gals do when dating someone exclusively. Kita’s reasoning of course is that for her being intimate early on is a bad look, ok fair enough right? But did holding out for 8 months yield her favorable results?? In this instance, no. Now in fairness to this Joe fella, he hasn’t had a real relationship so to speak with the wife and is genuinely separated, however for some bizarre reason he sat on being up front with her until after they did the nasty…….. not smart Joe. To Kita, married is married, no matter what state the marriage is in, perhaps she’s right, not sure where I am on that. My issue is we hear all the time that withholding the stuff is the way to go, that you have to get to know a person, build trust, get to the real meat and potatoes of a cat so in my mind it would stand to reason that after holding out for 8 months one would think that you have sufficiently done all the above and then some but yet you still find out some alarming news anyway, WTF!

So on the issue of sex and timing in a new relationship, is there ever really a clear cut answer that suits every situation??? If she woulda humped him like say week 2 he woulda still been the same married man that he is 8 months later right? So what’s a single, horny gal really to do?

Aside from the fact that everyday I hear some story that convinces me that finding that ‘person’ is hopeless in this world where no one seems to value love and commitment, I become even more disheartened by the dating scene. Now lets be clear, a date should be fun, should involve some kind of delicately prepared protein (my preference is steak, yum!) and of course a veggie to help it all come all smoothly if you get my drift. What it should not involve is your guy constantly texting (or sexting in some instances) or conversing freely with others while on your date. This is one of my most recent experiences. Now yes, I’ll admit he got away with some of the texting as I was completely enthralled by the menu before me (my passion is hair and food and well he had me at “Brazilian Steakhouse, sue me!) But after I snapped outta my meat daze it occured to me that his fingers were justa textin away and he was sooooo not playing Tetris. Now when I bought it to his attention that this was disturbing to me his response was “well you need to communicate the things that bother you, communication is very important in a relationship”. Excuse me sir????? I need to tell a grown man that it’s improper to text and otherwise engage in convo with others while on a date with me??? Is this where were at now with dating?? Well tag me out then! I wants no parts of this.

Remember when the worst possible disturbance to your date was a pager going off??? Or your date smelling like some kinda Avon cologne called “Man of Midnight Velvet” ?(ya’ll know Avon be naming their ish all crazy). But now disrespect levels are so high that I gotta tell you to pay attention to me on a date you asked me on?????

Kneegrow please! Pass me the A-1 so I can be up outta here!

 So, let’s say… someone goes out of their way to hurt you. I’m talking takes the scenic route to Painville population YOU.  Let’s say you have repeatedly given this person the directions to the off-ramp, (especially when they started throwing garbage out the car window) but they insist that this journey is about Happytown. (OK enough of the road analogies).  Now let’s say that all of the questions that you have been asking based on this gut feeling you have ( HONOR THY INTUTION!) results in the revelation of your worst possible fears… and you  find out  this yokel is  an Advanced Marksman in the Sleazery Arts.  So, in the end, the prize for 2 plus years of kindness, support, love and friendship.  Is a heaping bag of ”GOTCHA BITCH!!’

As you sit around thinking about all the LIES and how every thing makes sooo much sense, now, you’re kind of relieved.  And you’re also  very very very pissed.  You keep reminding yourself that really, it’s not that bad- so you lost the presence of a really sick and sad individual who wouldn’t know the truth if it came up to him and introduced itself on a daily basis. Good riddance. 

Logically, you know you’re not the only one that cupid has given the finger too. Hell, turn on the tv and there are any numbered of ‘wronged women’ you can align yourself with.  But the ego in  you wants to make it rain…PAIN.  

How do you find your zen; even if you are firm in the belief that the Karma that this fellow has put into the universe is soo dark, dank and FOUL, that he will be reaping the repercussions for decades–but you still want to bust heads?  How do you let go and let God?  How do you find the lesson in this lesion, knowing that you’ve been hurt before and you’ll get over it, even though right now it hurts so damn bad, because you called this person family?

How do you take the High Road when you are feeling more like a future featured  inmate on “Snapped“? 

 How do you shake it off, suck it up, man up, deal with it,  brush your shoulders off, pop your collar, them’s the breaks, don’t hate the playa hate the game?

Men for the love of God. Please be kinder to us!

So you know, there’s this dude right, he’s cool, sparks never fly between ya’ll but you’re willing to give it the ole college try on a dating level. Butterflies and sparks are for kids anyway, or so you tell yourself . So ya’ll go back and forth on what you’d like this first date to look like (he’s playing mad games though cause he sees you’re a sturdy girl so he knows damn well you want it to fall somewhere on the food line) and decide you’ll play it by ear because you both have pretty full schedules. So then one night outta the blue he calls and says “Hey meet me at such n such place, I’m here with some folks I know, I would love to buy you a meal and spend some time with you”. BAM! he said meal! you are out the door!

But…… you get there and much to your surprise, some folks = his whole entire effin crew! Like every friend he’s ever had in his entire life. It’s really more like ‘boys night out’ but for some bizarre reason he invites you out to join them. Now he sticks to his end of the bargain as far as the meal he felt so compelled to buy you, however he gets you situated in a spot that’s comfy for you, tells you to order what you want and then goes back over to his boys and leaves you alone with a steak and a dream….

HUNH??? How weird is this? Now he does come over periodically to check on you and make sure you’re doing good meal wise  but he’s really there to date his boys. Now are you wrong when you give your # to some of the other menses in the vicinity who find you pretty hot n tempting??? Wrong or not, that’s what I did. Ole boy was so engrossed in dating his boys that he was never none the wiser. Clearly, our thing never went anywhere but he still insists to this day that I’m the apple of his eye. But who dates in this fashion?? As long as I live in this DC area I swear I will continue to be stunned and amazed by the dating scene here.

Not so bad though I suppose, at least I get some steaks for my troubles…….

I found this chick’s message interesting, don’t totally agree but still found it interesting. She’s asking if we (single women) are preparing ourselves to be wives, forget about this notion of breathing a sigh of relief when we get a man, focus more on being the kind of woman the man would want to keep. Hmmmm, ok, I’ll buy it, a little, but what chaffs my ass are views like this and the countless, books, advice columns, relationship blogs etc that point the finger at the woman being the one who has to get and keep her man. We have to cook 8 course meals in stilettos with a monkey on our head, we have work out twice in the morning before work and then again at midnight, we have to be able to spin, exorcist style on a peen while breast feeding our babies. Why we gotta do everything? What do the men have to do? One song that really peeves me and makes my nipples ache is Destiny Child’s “Cater to You”, specifically Kelly Rowland’s verse ……

Hmmm, yeah okay Kelly, all that huh? I’m sorry but if I’m sleep you can’t tap me on my shoulders and hump me, I’M SLEEP!! IS YOU SERIOUS???? “I’m here to serve you?” all hells no! What about us? Now I know men will say that perhaps that may be why I’m single, and perhaps they may be right. I’m not doing all that, just to get and keep a man? Really? Then she promises him she’ll keep herself up, now this one always gets my cellulite in a tizzy. It is usually men who look like this:

That require a super fine hottie, now THAT ish really pisses me off. I’ve dated extremely attractive men who find my mild chubbiness an endearing quality but it’s always those men who are very challenged in the looks department that require physical perfection in a woman. I’m not that mad at what the young lady is saying in this video, just tired of the bs, tired of the whole ‘ladies I know the recipe, let me fix you so you can get a man” UGH! When does it stop being our fault? When do men have to start looking at themselves? When will it be their turn to grill the steaks while doing the ‘stanky leg’ in a g-string?

At some point it just has to stop being our fault….. Imjussayin…….

“Maybe we can hook up for a beverage” is what the text read. What it read to me was “I’m not sure if you’re gonna give me some booty-tang so I’m only willing to spring for a martini or two” well to you my cheap, cautious friend I say “EFF OFF!!!!!”. I am at my wits end with serial texters who think they can forge a relationship via their mobile carrier’s monthly text messaging allowance. But more important than that, I need to be fed! Preferably a meal with a healthy sized portion of meat, a generous serving of an indulgent carbohydrate and a vegetable to keep things moving smoothly as it exits my body.

You gotta wake up pretty damn early in the morning to fool my greedy ass with the ole “let’s meet for a drink” trick. I wish men would just come on out with it instead of the lame foolishness, something like “hi ma’am, I would love it if you would allow me entry into your love cave without so much as me buying you a tootsie roll let alone a steak, it would be so swell if you would allow me to do that”……. A beverage???? The nerve!

His text reminded me of a man I met a few months ago that thought it would be fun to go bowling, I agreed cause it was something different than having to sit through another movie and pretend I was seeing it for the first time even though it was like the 5th…… so anyhoo this lad comes to pick me up and I honestly couldn’t recall exactly what he looked like since I met him in the grocery store and when I’m around food I’m focused but I gave him my # so he would step off. Well let’s just say that what picked me up that evening was a frightful mess but hey, he was already there and I figured “eh! I’ll bowl, get a snack outta ole boy and never answer his calls again” no biggie right? So we go on the date, he’s funny enough so it makes me forget that he’s a certified eyesore and the evening comes to an end. Now notice I made no mention of a snack stop…… there was no snack and no mention was made of a snack so you know I was too through! Well it gets worse, he drops me back to my house and as I proceed to thank him and exit the car this dude leans in for a kiss and reaches in to fondle a tittyball!!!!!

EXCUSE ME SIR!!!! #1 you are very ugly! #2 EXCUSE ME SIR????!! #3 you are very ugly!!! #4 you did not buy me a snack!!! I DO NOT PLAY THAT!! You can call me a bitch, call my mama a Hunts Point hooker, even insult my grandma but you will not get away with not buying me a snack and then think you get to feel on my USDA titty meat! I DON’T THINK SO! To make matters worse, when I looked at him with horror at his failed attempt to fondulate me, his response was “but I thought we liked each other”, AS IF! In what country does the feeling that someone likes you equal “yeah let me see if I can get those tittyballs in my mouf real quick”???? YOU DID NOT BUY ME A SNACK!!!!

So suffice it to say this beverage texter doesn’t have a shot in hell……….

“Maybe we can hook up for a beverage” is what the text read. What it read to me was “I’m not sure if you’re gonna give me some booty-tang so I’m only willing to spring for a martini or two” well to you my cheap, cautious friend I say “EFF OFF!!!!!”. I am at my wits end with serial texters who think they can forge a relationship via their mobile carrier’s monthly text messaging allowance. But more important than that, I need to be fed! Preferably a meal with a healthy sized portion of meat, a generous serving of an indulgent carbohydrate and a vegetable to keep things moving smoothly as it exits my body.

You gotta wake up pretty damn early in the morning to fool my greedy ass with the ole “let’s meet for a drink” trick. I wish men would just come on out with it instead of the lame foolishness, something like “hi ma’am, I would love it if you would allow me entry into your love cave without so much as me buying you a tootsie roll let alone a steak, it would be so swell if you would allow me to do that”……. A beverage???? The nerve!

His text reminded me of a man I met a few months ago that thought it would be fun to go bowling, I agreed cause it was something different than having to sit through another movie and pretend I was seeing it for the first time even though it was like the 5th…… so anyhoo this lad comes to pick me up and I honestly couldn’t recall exactly what he looked like since I met him in the grocery store and when I’m around food I’m focused but I gave him my # so he would step off. Well let’s just say that what picked me up that evening was a frightful mess but hey, he was already there and I figured “eh! I’ll bowl, get a snack outta ole boy and never answer his calls again” no biggie right? So we go on the date, he’s funny enough so it makes me forget that he’s a certified eyesore and the evening comes to an end. Now notice I made no mention of a snack stop…… there was no snack and no mention was made of a snack so you know I was too through! Well it gets worse, he drops me back to my house and as I proceed to thank him and exit the car this dude leans in for a kiss and reaches in to fondle a tittyball!!!!!

EXCUSE ME SIR!!!! #1 you are very ugly! #2 EXCUSE ME SIR????!! #3 you are very ugly!!! #4 you did not buy me a snack!!! I DO NOT PLAY THAT!! You can call me a bitch, call my mama a Hunts Point hooker, even insult my grandma but you will not get away with not buying me a snack and then think you get to feel on my USDA titty meat! I DON’T THINK SO! To make matters worse, when I looked at him with horror at his failed attempt to fondulate me, his response was “but I thought we liked each other”, AS IF! In what country does the feeling that someone likes you equal “yeah let me see if I can get those tittyballs in my mouf real quick”???? YOU DID NOT BUY ME A SNACK!!!!

So suffice it to say this beverage texter doesn’t have a shot in hell……….