Once. Twice. Three times a wife.

Halle Berry’s new boo, actor Olivier Martinez, finally confirmed that they are engaged. The French actor made the announcement during the opening of his Miami restaurant. When a reporter asked about the engagement, Martinez said “Yes, of course it’s true.” Martinez gave Halle an emerald and yellow gold ring in December. This will be the third marriage for Halle who famously said she would never marry again. Berry was married to baseball player David Justice and singer Eric Benet. She has a daughter (and, by all accounts, a rocky relationship too) with ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry. Maybe the third time will be the charm? Good luck to them!

Image via David Livingston/Getty Images
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Photo: Gary Miller/FilmMagic

It wouldn’t be a new year without news of celebs solidifying their love with their boos. Over the holiday, LeBron James popped the question to his longtime lady love/mother of his kids/sidekick, Savannah Brinson. LeBron said this about the engagement:

My girl, she’s really excited. She would love to answer more questions about it than me. But she’s happy, my family’s happy and that’s what it’s all about. . . It should be a surprise. For any woman, any time something like that happens, she was surprised. It was great that all the friends and family were there to bring in a new year. Even my kids were happy about it, so that’s good. … I feel good. I feel good. It’s a good point in my life right now.

April 1987

Aretha Franklin also announced that she’s getting married for the third time. She’s engaged to her lonnnnnnggggggtime beau, William “Willie” Wilkerson. And relax, the 69 year old Queen of Soul says this isn’t a shotgun wedding, she’s not pregnant. Yes, she actually said that. She hopes to have a summer wedding and possibly wear a Donna Karan, Valentino or Vera Wang dress with teeny spaghetti straps.

Image via Twitter

And, lastly, my favorite swan on ice, Johnny Weir married his lawyer boyfriend Victor Voronov on New Year’s eve. They plan to have a more formal wedding in the summer.

Congrats to all the couples!

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Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Aint no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr Wrong

 

I straight dig Murry J’s new song Mr. Wrong and on my way to work I really listened to the lyrics, in particular the chorus above. It got me to thinking that this lyric is precisely what gets the ladies in situations not designed for them. We meet someone and decide, “he will be mine!” so you set out to do whatever you gotta do to make that happen never once stopping to realize that the person for you wouldn’t require you to strategize, it all just kinda falls into place.

“But but but Piper, Mr. Wrong is so exciting” Yeah yeah yeah, I know but boo Mr. Wrong don’t like you, stay focused! Mr. Wrong sends you text messages all day but never ever ever feels like he needs to hear your voice. Mr. Wrong never invites you anywhere, to do anything unless it involves you being naked. Mr. Wrong simply doesn’t extend himself to you in any way that makes you feel happy and appreciated. He’s practically screaming ” I DO NOT LIKE YOU LIKE THAT!!!”  but what do we do? We keep pressing on, convincing ourselves that surely we are reading him wrong. He’s just shy, or he got hurt in his last relationship blah blah blah, I mean wtf!  You are pretty, fun, and gosh darn it people like you! What is his problem? Honey we will never know the ansswer to that and as much as we hate hearing logic I can assure you that it’s not you at all, There is nothing wrong with you, he is just not on the same page as you. The getting to know someone process is supposed to feel good, make you feel giddy and stuff not make you second guess and doubt every effin thing around you. You should never be tripping over yourself to make anyone see you are the bomb dizzle, so never follow Murry’s advice (as much as I love that crotch grabbing honeydip from Money Earnin Mt. Vernon). Give him up, move on, read a book, learn how to cook, take up sewing, practice your dance moves (in the nude like I do) but most importantly leave this particular guy alone. ON TO THE NEXT!!! 

Once we stop glamourizing Mr. Wrong, we can start seeing all the Mr. Rights begging for a shot……  Life is so very short, don’t waste precious and limited time on anyone who doesn’t think you are the most awesomest person ever, Piper knows her stuff  

I mean SERIOUSLY?

ExRated, a new website that allows people to review their exes, aspires to be a Yelp for former flames.

Users can both vet their prospects and vent about old lovers: see what past partners have to say about your upcoming date by searching for his or her name on the site, or leave a rating of your ex, along with any tips for the next guy or gal.

“You wouldn’t go to a restaurant that hasn’t been reviewed. Especially in the era of Internet dating, why would you go on a date with a person who hasn’t been reviewed?” said ExRated founder Tom Padazana, who said the site’s motto is “forewarned is forearmed.” “I hope this will be a research tool to help people make more educated decisions in dating,” he added. “And as the site grows, I think hopefully it will make people better dates because the possibility of being reviewed is out there.”Source

Ok first of all, no asshole worth his asshole salt, would give 2 shits about being ‘rated negatively’.  If they cared about that, wouldn’t old fashioned “word of mouth” keep them in check? And if it’s criminal behavior you’re concerned with, do a background check on bama. Or watch how his own mother tucks her purse away in the cupboard when you guys come over for Sunday Dinner at Big Momma’s house.

Secondly, what woman do YOU know, when presented with a list of shady details a MILE long: “Girllll, I caught him in my closet,  mastering his own domain, while wearing a Cat Woman outfit. And if that’s not the worst of it, you know he ‘cleaned himself up’ with my GOOD TOWEL?!”  You KNOW how I feel abouts my good towels! Would say “You’re right, Rah Digga!  I’mma stop dating him!”  Yea that’s not going to happen. Women always think two things: 1) I’m different 2) He can change. Let them broads replenish their good towels on their own.

Thirdly…if the review is A Glowing recommendation, what asswipe would be giving out kudo sammitches to someone who likely dumped THEM?

Fourthly (I’m on a roll here just go with it), isn’t the horrific joy of dating finding out exactly what kind of troll is hiding under that ‘great guy’ exterior? Maybe just maybe the troll of your dreams. Why must the interweb ruin, EVERYTHING?

Okay let me first put it out there; I do love to travel. So when one of my favorite relatives announced they were getting hitched in the Caribbean I thought to myself “good look”. I can knock two birds out with one stone. Then they announced that the wedding was in the same spot that I had already visited, okay no biggie, I’ll suck it up. So I started planning ahead. Now the economy has taken a bite out of my little arse so I’m being very frugal as of late. Still no biggie…These are my peeps. But as I began to look at some of my family members struggling and juggling to make this Jumping of the Broom, I began to think; is it selfish to marry away? Now, before all you well-traveled M.T.N’s who use vacation as a verb jump down my throat, just think about it. Do you really want to watch that favorite uncle, who may be getting up there and doesn’t travel so well try to walk his old arse off a plane onto a tarmac where mad islanders are trying to sell him some of that Smokey chicken coop ooooo weee? (okay maybe that’s being extreme, but it happens).

Or, know that those tears your cash-strapped single mother of a cousin are shedding when you walk down that sandy aisle are really about how she’s going to have to play hustle man to make up for the loot she dropped? Maybe I’m making it too much about family because let’s be real, some of those mofo’s you really don’t want there and having a destination wedding is a good ass dysfunctional sieve, right?

I guess it’s really your day as they say so “do you boos” but I would skip that little gift box at the reception, cuz ya’ll ain’t getting Brewshyt! Remember: I beat you because I love you!