I was in the middle of a struggle session on the elliptical this morning when I thought I saw a mirage on the gym television. But this mirage was real, very real and he goes by the name of Ahmed Hassan. This Bay Area cutie hosts HGTV’s “Yard Crashers” and let’s just say if my landscaper looked like him…well you get the point. He’s actually married with three kids so I’ll keep it P.G. but I can’t help the dirty thoughts that keep “sprouting” up in my head. Get it? Sprouting? Oh, I made a funny. I also know of a lawn he can mow…okay, now I’m done.

Check out an episode:

No really, no one is more surprised than me,  by that proclamation. AT the time of the ‘ex-ing’ process I likely wanted them dead, disemboweled or at least stricken with a disease that I made up in my head called Dick Fallsoffs Palsy.

But, I have to say- in the here and now. On this day, though tomorrow may be a different story, I love those clowns!

Through them I learned:

1. What I will and won’t stand for (which is surprisingly a more diverse scope once I started to figure out what love really is –and I’m still learning)
2. How much I value honesty above all things
3. How to when all signs point to ‘HE LIES’ never believe that the girl who throws you shade for being with him is: “Just my friend, really!”
4. How to take a compliment
5. To believe in my gifts as much (actually even more) as someone else does
6. To be generous with time and compliments
7. To tell someone how you feel, always. Yes, always, even if they may not feel the same way. Or even if what you feel isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy.

Mostly, they have each taught me what love and commitment REALLY are. Now suffice it to say, they taught me that, by NOT providing it in some way. But that’s cool too. Errybody aint for everybody and to be quite honest if I were to fit my square peg in their round hole (or are they the peg and I’m the hole?) knowing what I NOW know, we would have been setting ourselves up for the ultimate fail, complete with Ultimate Fail Telethon and Ultimate Fail Dancers. Hindsight truly is 20/20.

I love my ex-boyfriends! Yep, even the ones I refuse to friend on Facebook or return emails to. They are a collection of super funny, super smart, super talented foul mouthed hooligans. Nothing wrong with that, in my book!  The best of the lot are great friends that I can count on for anything at anytime (unless they are having sensual relations, then I’ve gotta leave a message). They let me pick their brains about electronics, art, investments and other men.  The worst are a breathing blueprint of ‘What Not To Do’ and that’s a valuable commodity to have in one’s back pocket.

So thanks, my small dream team of ex-boos. For either dumping me or taking it like a champ when I dumped you. I’m glad that I can sit up on the phone with you on a random Sunday afternoon chopping it up about nothing in particular and we both hang up thinking warmly in a Denzel Washington voice ‘MY MAN’ and go about our respective lives.

Anyone looking for a great (though not for me) guy? I’ll hook ya up! Sharing is caring, and I’m not recycling them bamas for myself!

I have a really good girlfriend who is a one-upper; on shoes, on vacations, and especially on men. Ms. Overachiever also goes for the really hot dude, you know the one with all the wavy locks, the muskles but the mentality of a Neanderthal?

The cutie on duty that treats her like some Brewshyt in front of people. But hey, it’s okay, he has muskles! So in trying to learn from her mistakes and the fact that I’m more mature now and know that a cute, Wrestlemania built jokester most likely won’t fill my love tank, I try to date outside my comfort zone. You know, Michi O style back when BO was a hella corny but had potential.

So it’s hilarious to me when I introduce my potential love interests to this friend. She quickly does a body assessment then mentally writes him off. I can see her do it. I have ESPN. Later, when we’re alone I’ll ask her what she thought because after all I’m a woman and that’s what we do. She’ll shrug and say, “Girl, do what works for you. I just want you to be happy”. WTF? That just doesn’t sound right to me. So if I put a ice cream tat on my face, does that work for me? Or, if I have too much to drink and start grinding on a married politician at the grown up Freaknic that is CBC, does that work for me too? Yes, those examples are extreme, but I guess what I’m trying to say is “Do what works for you” might at well but a good ripe “You’re decision is wack. Or, you new bun bun is a non mother f@cking factor”. Do we want our friends to say everything that’s on their minds? Definitely not. But if you’re a good friend, we value your opinion. Adding, “Girl, do what works for you” to me is condescending like saying, “that’s a subpar choice, but if you’re okay with Igor then so am I.”

Don’t get me wrong. Keep all side-eyes and disses to yourself, but this phrase is a shield for shade…right up there with Bless Ur Heart!  I “do want works best for me ” on a regular. In fact, that’s pretty much the goal in life, no? You brush you teeth because “that  is what’s best for you”. You go to work because “that is what’s best for you”. So why wouldn’t your choice in lovers be “what’s best for you”?  Now, if you have some intell on this gentleman, by all means speak up, but I really don’t need you to remind me to do what comes nature in life; doing me.

*model is not Witch F

Dating right now is not for the faint of heart. It just isn’t. I compare it to gold mining. You got to shake that sieve relentlessly and hope you pop out a nugget and not sand dooty! Weird analogies aside,  I recently went out on a date with this guy. All was going nervously well as a first date should when he dropped a “nugget” of his own that bounced him to the top of the roster. “You’ve got freckles”. I was blown by that simple observation. See, all these years of busting my arse in the gym working to make my dunk like (insertcelebrityname), my stomach 6-pack poppin’ and my arms gun show ready were blown to pieces. This dude, while I’m totally sure noticed all the above (confirmed when I walked to the bathroom and saw him appreciating my calves) observed such a small feature no one had picked up on in my #@ years of dating! A feature that sets me apart a bit, that I’ve grown to love and try not cover up as much. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Lucy Liu, but they are there…and he noticed. So I’m passing along this nugget to the men out there looking for their bootylicious queen, take note on the unusual. It just might net you gold. Oh, and save all the psychoanalyzing on how it must not take much to impress me, it does, but the little things often count the most!

Meet Angela, our second Brewchie For Love.

The 35-year-old beauty lives in Gilbert, Arizona and loves to meet new people. She’s a natural social butterfly and loves a guy with a great sense of humor!

Taste The Brew for more details on Ms. Angela