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Brew Dating: No Good Can Come From This!

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in brew dating woes, Brew Love N' Stuff | Posted on 30-09-2011

I mean SERIOUSLY?

ExRated, a new website that allows people to review their exes, aspires to be a Yelp for former flames.

Users can both vet their prospects and vent about old lovers: see what past partners have to say about your upcoming date by searching for his or her name on the site, or leave a rating of your ex, along with any tips for the next guy or gal.

“You wouldn’t go to a restaurant that hasn’t been reviewed. Especially in the era of Internet dating, why would you go on a date with a person who hasn’t been reviewed?” said ExRated founder Tom Padazana, who said the site’s motto is “forewarned is forearmed.” “I hope this will be a research tool to help people make more educated decisions in dating,” he added. “And as the site grows, I think hopefully it will make people better dates because the possibility of being reviewed is out there.”Source

Ok first of all, no asshole worth his asshole salt, would give 2 shits about being ‘rated negatively’.  If they cared about that, wouldn’t old fashioned “word of mouth” keep them in check? And if it’s criminal behavior you’re concerned with, do a background check on bama. Or watch how his own mother tucks her purse away in the cupboard when you guys come over for Sunday Dinner at Big Momma’s house.

Secondly, what woman do YOU know, when presented with a list of shady details a MILE long: “Girllll, I caught him in my closet,  mastering his own domain, while wearing a Cat Woman outfit. And if that’s not the worst of it, you know he ‘cleaned himself up’ with my GOOD TOWEL?!”  You KNOW how I feel abouts my good towels! Would say “You’re right, Rah Digga!  I’mma stop dating him!”  Yea that’s not going to happen. Women always think two things: 1) I’m different 2) He can change. Let them broads replenish their good towels on their own.

Thirdly…if the review is A Glowing recommendation, what asswipe would be giving out kudo sammitches to someone who likely dumped THEM?

Fourthly (I’m on a roll here just go with it), isn’t the horrific joy of dating finding out exactly what kind of troll is hiding under that ‘great guy’ exterior? Maybe just maybe the troll of your dreams. Why must the interweb ruin, EVERYTHING?

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Destination Weddings: Selfish Move?

90

Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew Confessions, Brew Love N' Stuff, Wedding Woes | Posted on 28-09-2011


Okay let me first put it out there; I do love to travel. So when one of my favorite relatives announced they were getting hitched in the Caribbean I thought to myself “good look”. I can knock two birds out with one stone. Then they announced that the wedding was in the same spot that I had already visited, okay no biggie, I’ll suck it up. So I started planning ahead. Now the economy has taken a bite out of my little arse so I’m being very frugal as of late. Still no biggie…These are my peeps. But as I began to look at some of my family members struggling and juggling to make this Jumping of the Broom, I began to think; is it selfish to marry away? Now, before all you well-traveled M.T.N’s who use vacation as a verb jump down my throat, just think about it. Do you really want to watch that favorite uncle, who may be getting up there and doesn’t travel so well try to walk his old arse off a plane onto a tarmac where mad islanders are trying to sell him some of that Smokey chicken coop ooooo weee? (okay maybe that’s being extreme, but it happens).

Or, know that those tears your cash-strapped single mother of a cousin are shedding when you walk down that sandy aisle are really about how she’s going to have to play hustle man to make up for the loot she dropped? Maybe I’m making it too much about family because let’s be real, some of those mofo’s you really don’t want there and having a destination wedding is a good ass dysfunctional sieve, right?

I guess it’s really your day as they say so “do you boos” but I would skip that little gift box at the reception, cuz ya’ll ain’t getting Brewshyt! Remember: I beat you because I love you!

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Brew Cutie: Ahmed Hassan (@ahmedandahmed)

1

Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew Love N' Stuff, Brew Men, Brew Tube | Posted on 11-06-2011

I was in the middle of a struggle session on the elliptical this morning when I thought I saw a mirage on the gym television. But this mirage was real, very real and he goes by the name of Ahmed Hassan. This Bay Area cutie hosts HGTV’s “Yard Crashers” and let’s just say if my landscaper looked like him…well you get the point. He’s actually married with three kids so I’ll keep it P.G. but I can’t help the dirty thoughts that keep “sprouting” up in my head. Get it? Sprouting? Oh, I made a funny. I also know of a lawn he can mow…okay, now I’m done.

Check out an episode:

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Brew Commentary: I LOVE MY EX-BOYFRIENDS!

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Brew Love N' Stuff | Posted on 25-05-2011

No really, no one is more surprised than me,  by that proclamation. AT the time of the ‘ex-ing’ process I likely wanted them dead, disemboweled or at least stricken with a disease that I made up in my head called Dick Fallsoffs Palsy.

But, I have to say- in the here and now. On this day, though tomorrow may be a different story, I love those clowns!

Through them I learned:

  1. What I will and won’t stand for (which is surprisingly a more diverse scope once I started to figure out what love really is –and I’m still learning)
  2. How much I value honesty above all things
  3. How to when all signs point to ‘HE LIES’ never believe that the girl who throws you shade for being with him is: “Just my friend, really!”
  4. How to take a compliment
  5. To believe in my gifts as much (actually even more) as someone else does
  6. To be generous with time and compliments
  7. To tell someone how you feel, always. Yes, always, even if they may not feel the same way. Or even if what you feel isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy.

Mostly, they have each taught me what love and commitment REALLY are. Now suffice it to say, they taught me that, by NOT providing it in some way. But that’s cool too. Errybody aint for everybody and to be quite honest if I were to fit my square peg in their round hole (or are they the peg and I’m the hole?) knowing what I NOW know, we would have been setting ourselves up for the ultimate fail, complete with Ultimate Fail Telethon and Ultimate Fail Dancers. Hindsight truly is 20/20.

I love my ex-boyfriends! Yep, even the ones I refuse to friend on Facebook or return emails to. They are a collection of super funny, super smart, super talented foul mouthed hooligans. Nothing wrong with that, in my book!  The best of the lot are great friends that I can count on for anything at anytime (unless they are having sensual relations, then I’ve gotta leave a message). They let me pick their brains about electronics, art, investments and other men.  The worst are a breathing blueprint of ‘What Not To Do’ and that’s a valuable commodity to have in one’s back pocket.

So thanks, my small dream team of ex-boos. For either dumping me or taking it like a champ when I dumped you. I’m glad that I can sit up on the phone with you on a random Sunday afternoon chopping it up about nothing in particular and we both hang up thinking warmly in a Denzel Washington voice ‘MY MAN’ and go about our respective lives.

Anyone looking for a great (though not for me) guy? I’ll hook ya up! Sharing is caring, and I’m not recycling them bamas for myself!

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The Phrase That Doesn’t Pay…

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Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in brew commentary, Brew Love N' Stuff, Brew Men | Posted on 12-04-2011

I have a really good girlfriend who is a one-upper; on shoes, on vacations, and especially on men. Ms. Overachiever also goes for the really hot dude, you know the one with all the wavy locks, the muskles but the mentality of a Neanderthal?

The cutie on duty that treats her like some Brewshyt in front of people. But hey, it’s okay, he has muskles! So in trying to learn from her mistakes and the fact that I’m more mature now and know that a cute, Wrestlemania built jokester most likely won’t fill my love tank, I try to date outside my comfort zone. You know, Michi O style back when BO was a hella corny but had potential.

So it’s hilarious to me when I introduce my potential love interests to this friend. She quickly does a body assessment then mentally writes him off. I can see her do it. I have ESPN. Later, when we’re alone I’ll ask her what she thought because after all I’m a woman and that’s what we do. She’ll shrug and say, “Girl, do what works for you. I just want you to be happy”. WTF? That just doesn’t sound right to me. So if I put a ice cream tat on my face, does that work for me? Or, if I have too much to drink and start grinding on a married politician at the grown up Freaknic that is CBC, does that work for me too? Yes, those examples are extreme, but I guess what I’m trying to say is “Do what works for you” might at well but a good ripe “You’re decision is wack. Or, you new bun bun is a non mother f@cking factor”. Do we want our friends to say everything that’s on their minds? Definitely not. But if you’re a good friend, we value your opinion. Adding, “Girl, do what works for you” to me is condescending like saying, “that’s a subpar choice, but if you’re okay with Igor then so am I.”

Don’t get me wrong. Keep all side-eyes and disses to yourself, but this phrase is a shield for shade…right up there with Bless Ur Heart!  I “do want works best for me ” on a regular. In fact, that’s pretty much the goal in life, no? You brush you teeth because “that  is what’s best for you”. You go to work because “that is what’s best for you”. So why wouldn’t your choice in lovers be “what’s best for you”?  Now, if you have some intell on this gentleman, by all means speak up, but I really don’t need you to remind me to do what comes nature in life; doing me.

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