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LA Divas… Fa Reals?

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Brew TV, brewtube | Posted on 09-10-2014

Thanks a lot (?) to a friend for alerting me  that this show was nigh upon us…

(NOTE: a Witch realizes this aired last night..and totally didn’t watch!)

LA Divas. Not to be confused with R & B Divas: Momma I Just Wanna Sang or Slores and Slags of LA Looking for Love When Suicide Aint Enuff.

I don’t even need to read the project description to tell you all: “A random Collection of Black Women, some with actual acting credentials will be complaining.  There may be some fighting. There will be a break down or two. And there WILL be horribly bad weave. It has been written.”

First of all, I would like to discuss the use of the word ‘Diva’ in itself.  We’re really effing stretching here, TV One.  Per Wikiepeida, every Phoenix Grad’s encyclopedia: A diva (/ˈdvə/; Italian: [ˈdiːva]) is a celebrated female singer; a woman of outstanding talent in the world of opera, and by extension in theatre, cinema and popular music. The meaning of diva is closely related to that of prima donna.

Or if you Ask Beyoncé…Grad of Pelvic Thrust and Onsies.

Now with either fairly acceptable definition in mind, let’s look at the cast…. Shall we?

 

hwd_lisa_0737_v2Lisa Wu:  Official Birther of Spawns of Sweat BKA Former RHOA cast member that no one misses. Seriously, I’d rather watch Tight Teeth  say “jewerrry” on endless loop, than hear about how the former reality persona (I shant not call her a star) is now a serious thespian. The  Julliard trained cast of Orange Is the New Black, spits pon your direction. And may the ghost of Nene Leake’s hairhats past haunt you forever.

 

 

 

 

hwd_paula_jai_1538_v3Paula Jai Parker: She’s been in the game fo’ years, with an impressive list of Blacktress classics under her belt.  The Taraji P. Henson of the 90′s if you will.  She should at least be playing someone’s auntie on a bad cable show.  I feel bad if she’s struggling. But not bad enough to watch.

 

 

 

 

 

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Golden Brooks: Poor kid…I don’t know if Maya was anyone’s favorite “Girlfriend”, but as part of an ensemble cast of a beloved Negroidian show, for 5011 years, she should at least be on a TV Land show, that no one watches. “Cold in Texas” or some ish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ELISE

Elise Neal: you seem like a nice enough lady. But, I always call you “Not Tamala Jones” and I don’t see myself stopping that any time soon.  Well…and since Tamela is a gainfully employed regular on “Castle”, might I suggest many of these highly acceptable and wonderfully vague career alternatives to get you through these lean audition times: “consultant”, “real estate agent”, “mortgage broker” or “stylist’. Go diversify your bonds, boo.

 

 

 

Rounding out the cast.

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The one.  The only. Countess. Mugfugging. Vaughn.  Diva. Sigh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you watch? Will you bother?

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No Strings, Please: Episode 5, “My Effin’ Job”

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Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew TV, Gemal Woods, No Strings Please | Posted on 08-10-2013

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The Witches have teamed up with Washington, D.C.-based producer Gemal Woods to bring you his hit web series No Strings, Please; a hilariously dark 10 episode adventure that follows Charley, a Brooklynite who relocates to Washington, D.C. and has a curious fixation with online trysts and martial arts to say the least.

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In Episode 5: “My Effin’ Job”, we peek into Charley’s chaotic world around her cubicle. She’s performing well as an analyst at a conservative think tank and dealing with the typical work politics like a pro. However, still unnerved by the online bullying by Sean Cook, she continues to research who he is and what he does for a living. She’s planning something big.

Written and directed by Gemal Woods, and produced by Dawn L. Hall, the series stars Naima Ramos-Chapman as Charley Parker, and centers around the newly relocated Parker in Washington, DC, who tries to start a new life and figure out who she is and where exactly she’s going.

Check out Ep. 5:

Ep. 4:

Ep. 3:

Here’s Ep. 1 and Ep. 2.

Keep checking back to see what Charley gets into next!

 

Photos: Park Triangle Productions
This is a sponsored post. Words are my own!

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Brew Tube: No Strings, Please Ep. 2

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Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew Tube, Brew TV, Gemal Woods, No Strings Please | Posted on 02-08-2013

NSP_Promo_poster

The Witches have teamed up with Washington, D.C.-based producer Gemal Woods to bring you his hit web series No Strings, Please, a hilariously dark 10 episode adventure that follows Charley, a Brooklynite who relocates to Washington, D.C. and has a curious fixation with online trysts and martial arts to say the least.

Speaking of trysts, in Episode 2, Charley gets robbed and then flips the script!

No Strings is the brainchild of producer, writer and director Gemal Woods and producer Dawn Hall. Woods heads D.C.-based Park Triangle Productions and is a two time winner at the Rosebud Film Festival!

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In Episode 1, Charley chucks the deuces to BK:

Keep checking back to see what Charley gets into next!

Photos: Park Triangle Productions
This is a sponsored post. Words are my own!

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Acid Attack Victim Speaks Out

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Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in Brew News, Brew TV, Christy Tucker Sims | Posted on 30-07-2013

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It was just like any other morning, that is until Christy Tucker Sims’s boyfriend called her into the bathroom of her Georgia home. Christy said she noticed the floor was wet and her boyfriend was holding a bowl of clear liquid. She soon found out that it was drain cleaner after he allegedly doused Christy on her face and arms. As Christy lay on the floor in agonizing pain, he dialed 911 and when the operator told him to get Christy IMMEDIATELY into the shower, his instructions to her were much different:

How have you been since the incident?

I have had mixed feelings. There are some days that I cry myself to sleep at night. Some days I’m hopeful because so many people are pulling for me. Some days I’m empowered. It changes from day to day.

Your ex is still walking the streets, why?

This case is three months old. When it first happened I was in ICU under sedation for 2 months. I just got out of the hospital. The police questioned him and they took his word for it. I wasn’t able to speak up for myself. Time has passed though and it’s not longer a priority for police. That’s why I’m speaking out now. He made it look like an accident but it wasn’t. They couldn’t question me. It’s still an open case.

You have incurred a lot of medical expenses, talk about how that has affected your family…

The problem that I’m having right now is that I have to have reconstruction surgery. My employer tried to hold my job and I have insurance up until the end of August. After that, it’s on me which is why we’re trying raise money right now.

What advice would you give to a young woman who may be in a similar situation?

The reason why this happened to me is that I was backing up out of the relationship. He was a very needy person. I am a counselor, I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling. I saw the warning signs; he got aggressive the more I succeeded, he was jealous of my co-workers, plus he was codependent and wanted to dominate my time. Those are the things that were starting to happen at the end and he couldn’t handle it. What I would say is that a woman should be mindful of a man who tries to occupy all of her time.

How do you encourage yourself on a daily basis as you continue to heal?

I pray a lot. I focus on my children who are 14 and 10. I cannot sink into depression because I have children. I read the bible a lot. I don’t isolate myself. I constantly allow people in my life. I truly believe that God is going to get me through this. This is only temporary. This bad and horrible, but it’s only temporary.

Any parting thoughts?

As women, we need to be mindful of the people we let into our space. We are queens, we don’t have to settle…for anything. We need to keep our eyes open.

Since that tragic day, Christy has been working hard to rebuild her life but she’s faced with mounting medical bills. Click here to donate.

The Witches are pulling for you Christy and glad we could play a part in getting your story out to the masses.

Christy’s interview with V-103′s Ryan Cameron:

*Christy’s former boyfriend has not yet been charged in the case and is considered innocent until proven guilty. Witches’ Brew, LLC is not responsible for any inaccuracies in this story*

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Brew Tube (or is it Pixels?): “Orange Is The New Black”

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in Brew Tube, Brew TV | Posted on 29-07-2013

388164-netflix-original-orange-is-the-new-blackSo, my standoff with rachet tv (anything produced by That Dreadful Mona Scott) is holding strong. After I watched a woman in puke pink lipstick argue with The Tappahannock Tapper’s Twerpy Chromosome Challenged DJ, who fahvad her bebe, get rejected “ohhh on the family tip”, TO HER FACE, in front of a woman he prefers to be inside and thennnn thennnn present him with a substantial check for some bid-ness, a bit of my womananity (it’s a word now, shut up) died inside.

I had to step away. I am all for people embarrassing themselves (Steebie and Jose-line are a horrific delight, never change- never learn Engrish…never stop being skeevy. Seriously, you cartoonlike-creepers bring me swelly joyous!).  When I feel such profound embarrassment for a complete stranger,  though, it’s time for me to step off, gigantuar. I’m clearly too sensitive for this ish.

I have even cut off Bravo from my DVR must-sees. I’ve been using this new free time productively. I’ve been reading more books…and napping, working out, workin’ on my future and stuff. Ironically, this sounds like a prison sentence.

This brings me too my hangover rainy day fabulous find (Oh, I also been drankin’). Netflix’s original series “Orange Is The New Black”. The show, based on a memoir by Piper Kerman, about her 15 month sentence to a federal correctional facility after she dopily drug mule’d: ‘this one time, 10 years ago’, every time that is mentioned I imagine it’s delivered like “this one time, at band camp, I stuck a kilo up my–” .

Anywho’s your drug mule, this show is simply FAN-FOOKING-TASTIC.  Though,the irony is not lost on me that it took a show about doing a bid, to portray women of all shapes, sizes and sensual orientations as complex HUMANS.  Apparently, in order for the media to portray us as anything other than vapid hosebeasts we must lose the our freedom, literally?! Fine.  This darn show is truly moving, touching, funny- I simply cannot gush enough.

I really hate spoilers and I think part of made this so fantastic for me, was going in blind. I will just say that “Orange Is The New Black” boasts a seriously wonderful talented set of actors. From newcomers like Samira Wiley (Juilliard Grad, BISHES!) , seasoned vets like Kate Mulgrew, Natsha Lyonne’s friggen hair, the ultra charming Taylor Schilling (I loved her in the short-lived “Mercy”, another Netflix find), “That 70′s Show” Laura Prepon…(and her truly bizarro brows) and a host of super talented ladies.

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I dare you not to fall in love with Crazy Eyes.

It simply is UNPOSSIBLE (yep, another new word. Deal with it).

And if you are still all ‘Eww all ladies, eww’  behold Officer Pornstache.

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