You ever witness something so dreadful that all you can do is tilt your head to the side and watch it from the sideline in a mix of horror, disgust and amusement??? I find myself having a crapload of moments like this whilst browsing facebook and took note of the things that really twist my teets into a pretzel…..
Essay length status updates – A proper status is “Piper is gettin laid: or “Piper is eating steak” not “Piper is going to kill the next man that does her wrong because her arms are too short to box with God and I’m really gonna be pissed if my dog peed on the floor again and boy oh boy do I love donuts I hope that dress I ordered from Plump Vixens fits” That is way way way too much info, no one cares.
Essay length quarrels: Seriously? no like seriously? Did you just type an essay to argue your point??? man listen, if it’s on Facebook it is NEVERthat serious, back away from the keyboard and go for a run, that is way more productive than getting your fingers in a tizzy
Blockers and Shot Callers- Listen ma’am/sir, you are soooo not that serious, I simply do not see the point to this ridiculous nonsense, if you have to ultra block someone why are they an electronic friend??? just go hard and never add them in the first place right? The only exception to this should be your ma and pa, My mother forced my block hand when she posted on my wall that I could have better luck with the fellas if I wore shorter skirts…….. INSTA BLOCKED!!
Mofos who use their status to cut you – ”….. hates it when friends steal ish from your house blah blah blah”or some other punk arse status meant to take a jab at someone you feel wronged you, come on, this is the lamest ish an adult person can do, STOP IT!
Tagged Pictures - ok general rule, if I look hot, tag the chit outta me! but if we were at happy hour last Friday and the only shots you managed to get of me are ones in which all my chins and all my guts came out to enjoy the festivities as well, then please refrain from going on a tag bonanza, not cool!
Friend Troll - ok perusing through my friends list for hotties is just super sad and thirsty sir, is you serious??? just yuk….. STOP!
Wall posts - “Hey piper! just checking in on you” is totally acceptable, “Hey Piper, I’ll remember the condoms this time” is not! USE WALLS RESPONSIBLY PEOPLE!!!
Games and Apps – When I’m having a crap day, the last thing I wanna see is an app informing me “you have been entered into the cutest fat chick contest, click this link to see where you stand” eff you Mr. Application, stay the eff up off my wall!! No one wants to be entered in these contests so cut this ish out!
Pokes- I sitll don’t understand the purpose of a poke, it makes me angry to receive notice that I’ve been poked, feels like someone has beef with me and I don’t do Internet beef
Updates to your ‘relationship’ status- I mean really??? “in a relationship with……” seriously? “it’s complicated with…..”.I want options like “single and dating d*ckheads” or “vagicat closed for renovations” but if those options are never made available I need you guys to know that no one cares where your love life stands like that, trust me, no one cares……..