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Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

We’re Locked Up…

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in facebook, facebook is the debbil | Posted on 15-08-2013

blocked

So if you follow us on Facebook (and, why wouldn’t you), you may have noticed crickets chirping on our page. Well, turns out when one Witch posts something that Facebook deems wrong, ALL the Witches get the boot. Apparently we tagged the wrong person’s page in a harmless post and they got all in a tizzy about it and reported a Witch. Where they do that at? So, anywho, we’re on block status for 12 hours. Good thing we’ve got this here blog though. And a Twitter. And an Instagram. And Facebook e-mail upload (shhhhh, don’t tell Zuck). So follow us on the other social networks until we’re released from jail. And, while you’re at it…take this stroll down memory lane from the last stint in the Facebook pokey.

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Please Back Away From the Facebook……..

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Posted by Piper from the Brew | Posted in facebook is the debbil | Posted on 16-05-2011

You ever witness something so dreadful that all you can do is tilt your head to the side and watch it from the sideline in a mix of horror, disgust and amusement??? I find myself having a crapload of moments like this whilst browsing facebook and took note of the things that really twist my teets into a pretzel…..

Essay length status updates – A proper status is “Piper is gettin laid: or “Piper is eating steak” not “Piper is going to kill the next man that does her wrong because her arms are too short to box with God and I’m really gonna be pissed if my dog peed on the floor again and boy oh boy do I love donuts I hope that dress I ordered from Plump Vixens fits” That is way way way too much info, no one cares.

Essay length quarrels: Seriously? no like seriously? Did you just type an essay to argue your point??? man listen, if it’s on Facebook  it is NEVERthat serious, back away from the keyboard and go for a run, that is way more productive than getting your fingers in a tizzy

Blockers and Shot Callers- Listen ma’am/sir, you are soooo not that serious, I simply do not see the point to this ridiculous nonsense, if you have to ultra block someone why are they an electronic friend??? just go hard and never add them in the first place right? The only exception to this should be your ma and pa, My mother forced my block hand when she posted on my wall that I could have better luck with the fellas if I wore shorter skirts…….. INSTA BLOCKED!!

Mofos who use their status to cut you –  “….. hates it when friends steal ish from your house blah blah blah”or some other punk arse status meant to take a jab at someone you feel wronged you, come on, this is the lamest ish an adult person can do, STOP IT!

Tagged Pictures - ok general rule, if I look hot, tag the chit outta me! but if we were at happy hour last Friday and the only shots you managed to get of me are ones in which all my chins and all my guts came out to enjoy the festivities as well, then please refrain from going on a tag bonanza, not cool! 

Friend Troll - ok perusing through my friends list for hotties is just super sad and thirsty sir, is you serious??? just yuk….. STOP!

Wall posts - “Hey piper! just checking in on you” is totally acceptable, “Hey Piper, I’ll remember the condoms this time” is not! USE WALLS RESPONSIBLY PEOPLE!!!

Games and Apps – When I’m having a crap day, the last thing I wanna see is an app informing me “you have been entered into the cutest fat chick contest, click this link to see where you stand” eff you Mr. Application, stay the eff up off my wall!! No one wants to be entered in these contests so cut this ish out!

Pokes- I sitll don’t understand the purpose of a poke, it makes me angry to receive notice that I’ve been poked, feels like someone has beef with me and I don’t do Internet beef

Updates to your ‘relationship’ status- I mean really??? “in a relationship with……” seriously? “it’s complicated with…..”.I want options like “single and dating d*ckheads” or “vagicat closed for renovations” but if those options are never made available I need you guys to know that no one cares where your love life stands like that, trust me, no one cares……..

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Brew Dating Woes: Booty Calls and Stupidity Don’t Mix

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in brew dating woes, facebook is the debbil | Posted on 10-11-2010

“So, do you have a Facebook account?” Says the guy who a month before contacted me on Facebook to get my new cellphone number. 

When I pause, confused, he says “No… no.. I mean are we friends on Facebook?” Am I supposed to believe that he did not remember sending me a friend request…and after I accepted he did not troll through my photos before deciding to make this 5 year since the last time I saw you booty call?  “Yea, you should come visit me.  Do you have a man?”

“Yes…Yes. I TOTALLY have a man!”  I respond, hoping that wraps this awkward odd, 5 years too damn late, conversation up…nope.

“You should sneak down here and visit me.”

” I don’t lie and I don’t sneak.”

Ignoring my pesky ethics. “Yea ,yea…I’ll send you a ticket. We’re Facebook Friends right?  Let me check out your recent pics.”

So, let me get this shit straight.  Not only are you willing to send me a ticket (you possibly cannot think that I’m visiting you on my dime) for a trip that I have said I DO NOT WANT  but you want me to really  believe you haven’t already scoped that I have not had some disfiguring accident before you made said offer?  Are men really THAT HORNY?!? 

 And let’s say just for one second that you did NOT scope me out prior to making this call.  Am I supposed to be flattered that you were driving along (likely with a semi stiffie) thinking… ‘you know who gave good poont FIVE YEARS AGO?? Yea… I’mma call her up… I wonder if we’re Facebook friends.”

I hate you and you’re stupid. FML.

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Brew Bits: Preventing DWF (Drunk While Facebooking)

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Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in brew bits, brew buzz, brew culture, facebook is the debbil | Posted on 08-11-2010

What’s On Your Mind?: I think I peed on myself!

Sometimes letting your fingers do the talking is NOT a good thing, especially after three top shelf Margaritas at 3am! Well a new application is putting a stop to it! The Social Media Sobriety Test is a free plug-in that when set, prompts you to pass a test of sorts on whichever social media sites you want. Clever!
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Here’s a peak:

Social Media Sobriety Test from TDA_Boulder on Vimeo.

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FarmVille Is De Debbil

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Brew News, facebook, facebook is the debbil | Posted on 29-10-2010

A Florida woman is going to hell in a handbasket after killing her baby over a Facebook game.

A north Florida mother has pleaded guilty to shaking her baby to death after the boy’s crying interrupted her game on Facebook.

Alexandra V. Tobias pleaded guilty to second-degree murder on Wednesday and remains jailed.

The Florida Times-Union reports that she told investigators she was angered because the boy was crying while she was playing the game FarmVille.

The paper also reports that she told investigators she shook the boy, smoked a cigarette to compose herself and then shook him again.

She will be sentenced in December. State guidelines call for 25 to 50 years, but a prosecutor said it could be shorter than that.

A telephone message and an e-mail sent by The Associated Press to her attorney weren’t immediately returned.

What a dumbarse.

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