Channing Tatum is a GOTDAMN NATIONAL TREASURE!
As a currently slightly discouraged American… this world has been a little rough on us humans who believe in decency and kindness, lately.
This past weekend, though… I believe I have found the person that can bring together all the fighting factions: the Dolezal and her ancestors… the Mexicans and the Trump (nah eff Trump, drop him off in a hole somewhere.)
White Hayzeus in a thong hath brought us “Magic Mike XXL” and it is GOOD! NO seriously, IT IS! The makers of this here sequel listened to the randy masses. They got rid of that pesky plot crap full of seedy existential angst (“if the stripper p-pops alone, does his thong make a sound?”) from the first movie and replaced it with silliness, grinding (cause that’s what you’re paying for) and the dance!
So much dance and lifting and tossing about! Oh and bromance, because these are strippers with hearts of gotdamn gold!
They got rid of Matthew McConaughey who’s hot is still on layaway from his Oscar win. Jada Pinkett Smith joins the cast as his replacement, and dammit– I kinda love her. (Fish Mooney has been killing her acting lately!)
OK fine, you don’t trust me at my word and need some more info? Basically Channing Tatum aka Mike the Whittler of Ugly Furniture, who hails from the Magic Village of Spray Tan… rolls with his boisterous crew to a “stripper convention”. Hijinx ensue. Yep, that is the plot. Look, they know their audience.
They know I am a tired working woman, and don’t necessarily want to think deep ass thoughts all the time. I wanna see some asses wiggling…dip it low and pick it up slow, fellas! Nah, seriously there’s a whole thing about owning your sexuality and there is total body positivity and all that jazz, there is ZERO making fun of women in this movie…yadda yadda yadda… Hey, Joe Manganiello.
I mean they didn’t even bother to give the Stripper Convention a catchy name. They know what you’re here for, you know what you’re here for. Let’s not pretend. But wait there’s more, along the way they meet up with some Chocolaty DELICOUS grindy fellas for a grinderful time. Seriously, it’s a Brother Abpolooza. Just 30 minutes of Magic Mike are what Chocolate City tried to be.
The irony is, I LOATHE male strippers in real life. But if the slimy guy from my cousin’s bachelorette party looked like ANY of the fellas in this fine film, I’d stay stocked in dolla bills… ok maybe not Donald Glover. Seriously, I love Childish Gambino as much as anyone who’s your Auntie’s age, but still likes to know what the kids are listening too. But I’mma need that nerd to put his chest up.
So treat your Big auntie and yaself. It’s a good time! FOR REAL!