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Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

Dear Momma…here’s your NBA 2012 Draft Protocol


Posted by Fleur Delacour | Posted in brew commentary, brew etiquette, nba, negro network | Posted on 28-06-2012

I don’t watch televised drafts on a regular, but I have watched enough to know that I don’t like how some of your mommas act. Tonight, millionaires will be made when the NBA holds its 2012 draft so that gives us a few hours to get some “get right”.  So I’ve come up with a list of the stuff White Jesus frowns down on. You can thank me later, as Drake likes to say:

1) No excessive jumping, coon clapping or screaming ‘Hallelujers’!

2) No leopard, Easter Sunday attire and NO head to toe matching.

3) Tame your hair hats. If need be run and get a new one, like from the more sensible Vivica Fox collection.

4) 1 kid minimum and make sure she/he matches the baby’s mouva you’re bringing along.

5) No stepping, line or praise dancing in the aisle.  

6) No sunglasses inside, ever!

I could go on and on…but I think this covers the essential bamma habits. Don’t forget instant riches brings out the worse in people, so after your baby retires you, use that free time to take an investment class to help keep him on the right track and please don’t let ESPN do the “woe is this family who fought from the dirty streets of xyz city and now they’re living in a deluxe apartment in the sky” stories! 

Exhibit A on how NOT to act:

Gotta love Ann Iverson


Chris Bosh’s Ex Applies For Food Stamps, Should He Support Her?


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Allison Mathis, Child Support, Chris Bosh, nba, What's your call? | Posted on 20-06-2012

Chris Bosh is a step closer to the NBA championship but he’s also got a foot in a PR nightmare. Allison Mathis, the mother of the Miami Heat star’s 3 year old daughter recently lost her job and had to apply for food stamps. Mathis is also said to be close to losing her home. She gets just under $3,000 a month in child support for their daughter, Trinity. Now, her lawyer says Mathis is entitled to about $30,000 of Bosh’s $18 million salary, PER MONTH! Adding to their issues, Bosh wants to take their daughter with him to London for the Olympics this summer, but the catch is, he doesn’t want Allison to accompany their toddler and she is not having that. Allison also tried to join the cast of Basketball Wives but was subsequently blocked by Bosh’s attorney. The bigger issue here seems to be in what level of luxury should Trinity (and her mother, maybe?) be living if Bosh is making millions and his daughter’s mother is on food stamps. Usually, child support is based on the standard of living and care that the child would receive if he/she was still living in the home of the breadwinner. But in this case, maybe not so much. I’m thinking to avoid the public relations problem, Bosh should at least cut her a check in the amount of her yearly salary from the construction secretary job she just lost (nice gesture!), encourage her to hit the pavement for a new gig and keep it moving to an NBA title.

So, Brewchies, what’s your call? Is Chris Bosh obligated to pay more to keep both his ex and their daughter living an equal or similar standard as his current wife and new baby? What say you?

Nothing to do with the story, I just love this high five fail!

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Brew Quotes: Michael Jordan


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Brew Quotes, lebron james, michael jordan, nba | Posted on 19-07-2010

There’s no way, with hindsight, I would’ve ever called up Larry, called up Magic and said, “Hey, look, let’s get together and play on one team.” But that’s … things are different. I can’t say that’s a bad thing. It’s an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys. I don’t know if they would have been on my team.

-NBA legend Michael Jordan on LeBron James’ “decision” to form a superfriends squad in Miami.


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Brew Pics: Jay-Z Really Is The King of NY


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Brew Pics, Brew sports news, Jay Z, nba | Posted on 30-06-2010

I think Jay-Z is trying to run the Tri-State area…

Mr. Carter and the Russian billionaire/new owner of the New Jersey Nets, Mikhail Prokhorov, are gracing a new mural on the side of a building overlooking Madison Square Garden… you know, WHERE THE NEW YORK KNICKS PLAY??? That’s like your husband’s old flame moving to the house across the street and flaunting her assets when you go out to get the mail. Scandalous!

The 225-x-95 foot mural should be done this week. When it’s complete, it’ll show Jay and Prokhorov with the Nets’ logo and the words “The Blueprint For Greatness.” The Nets’ CEO says it’s all part of an “aggressive marketing platform” to get New Yorkers on the Nets’ bandwagon since the team will move to Brooklyn in a few years.

So, Knicks fans… y’all mad? Wait. Are there any Knicks fans?


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LeBron’s Lawyer Denies Alleged Relationship


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in lebron james, nba, rumor | Posted on 18-05-2010

Lebron, Gloria and Delonte

After days of letting rumors spread like wildfire, LeBron James’ lawyer is finally speaking out against the internet buzz that his client’s mother is fooling around with Cleveland Cav’s teammate Delonte West.  The James’ lawyer sent a cease and desist letter to the site that originally published the rumor calling it “irresponsible speculation” that didn’t warrant a denial.  But, they’re denying it now.

Cease and desist letter

Well, that settles that.  *raised eyebrow*