Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss
Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

Tech Talk: Microsoft Patents “Avoid Ghetto” Feature

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in GPS, Microsoft, tech talk, What's your call? | Posted on 08-01-2012

Are you allergic to the hood? Do you go out of your way to avoid hoodish areas when you’re Google mapping, Mapquesting or GPS’n your way through a new city? Soon, you won’t have to. Microsoft has patented what’s been nicknamed the “avoid ghetto” feature for its GPS-enabled mobile devices. If the block is hot, having a Microsoft GPS will help you successfully find a cooler location. Microsoft’s patent states that a route can be plotted for pedestrians to avoid an “unsafe neighborhood or being in an open area that is subject to harsh temperatures.” The “avoid ghetto” technology uses crime statistics and even weather data to calculate the new route. So far, Microsoft isn’t commenting on the feature.

Image via jimbobtheboss' Flickr


So, what’s your call, Brewchies? Is this offensive or a good idea?

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Tech Talk: Spydialer Takes Your Stalking Game To The Next Level

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in stalker check, tech talk | Posted on 04-11-2011

Don’t you hate it when you get a missed call from a number you don’t recognize but you’re too scared to call back because it could be a bill collector or that psycho fling from the past who you should have put on the do not call list? Enter: SPYDIALER. The website allows you to type in a cell number and actually HEAR the first 10 seconds of the person’s voice mail message. Spydialer secretly dials the number (go on, try it on your own cell phone before you start stalking folks… that’s what I did). Make sure you read the fine print though. Some phones may show the other person a missed call that could let them know they’ve been spydialed, but it won’t indicate who made the call.

Happy stalking!

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Things Negroes Like: Talkin’ To Pookie & ‘Nem

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in tech talk, Things Negroes Like | Posted on 24-08-2010

Our cousins really love chattin’ on the celly. (People don’t say that anymore, do they?) A new study finds black people talk on our cell phones twice as much as white people. The Neilsen study reviewed the phone bills of 60,000 people for a year (who’s turning over their bills anyway?) and came to the conclusion that black people talk an average of 1,331 minutes per month. Damn… and I just just switched to an unlimited plan. I’m totally behind the curve here. Anyway, the study found whites used their mobile phones for 647 minutes per month, making them the least Chatty Cathys by comparison.

Black people also get quite a thumb workout. We text more than our white homies: 780 messages per month, compared to their 566.

Researchers say the reason our folks use cell phones so much could be because fewer of us have landlines at home. The study also says women talk 22% more on our cell phones than men…probably, talking about them. Go figure!

The bigger questions here: why is big brother tracking how much we talk? And who are the Negroes calling so much anyway?

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If You’ve Got An iPad… You Need To Cover It

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in brews gotta have gadgets, Gadget Gal, ipad, tech talk | Posted on 27-04-2010

If you’re one of the lucky (perhaps, fanatical) bunch who stood in line last weekend to cop yourself Steve Jobs’ latest gadget, then you need a cover to keep that puppy safe. Turns out, there’s an entire blog devoted to the hottest iPad covers.

Amazon sells an iPad accessory bundle that includes a cover for $29.95.

For the classy types, Padova sells this leather case for $209 (if you have any money left…).

I’m a fan of this one. It’s like some wild Jetsons type ish. It’s the bubble iPad sleeve from Hard Candy Cases ($49.95).

Substrata’s wood iPad case starts selling in June. No price on this one yet.

The BOOK for iPad ($89) is ultra classy and great way to disguise your investment (you know how these thugs roll today… if you wanna hide something, put it in a book!)



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Tech Talk: Split Costs With Your Cheap Friends

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Blackberry, check please, Gadget Gal, Splitcosts, tech talk | Posted on 30-03-2010

No wonder America’s education system is going down the crapper. Now, we need an app that divides the bill when we go out for dinner with friends? I thought there was a calculator for that.

Splitcosts is an app for your Blackberry that quickly and easily divides your bill when the check comes. 20 different currencies are supported, so it’s not just for us Americans spending dollars (if that makes you feel better).

You can even take pictures of receipts and email them to the company accountant (ok, not if you’re spending it in the champagne room with Michael Steele though).

Click here to download Splitcosts for free. You know you wanna.

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Protect Your Penis Texasesss

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in iPhone, penis text, poon text, tech talk, text messages, texting while stupid | Posted on 23-12-2009

A new iPhone app has your future political career in mind.  It’s called “Safe Sexting” and it allows you to send pics of your nether regions and other bits, but covers up the nasty parts… so those pics don’t come back to haunt you when you’re….sayyyyyy, about to star in a Disney movie or run for mayor of Detroit or sumthin’.
Apparently the folks at Apple think sexting is so serious that they needed to approve this app. Actually, some 30% of 17 year olds say they’ve received a sext (nasty asses). 15% of all teenagers have gotten a sex text.

So, here’s how Safe Sexting works…

  1. Download the app.
  2. Open the app and you’ll see 4 options to censor your pic.
  3. Select from the Small Box, Large Box, Head Box and a semi-transparent Red Silk. 

4.     Take picture.
5.     Send the picture.

Easy enough, right?
And if all else fails, there’s actually a friggin’ sexting PSA to help you clueless kids out.

But, seriously, if you can’t see the peen, what’s the point? You’ve already been imagining what the thing looks like anyway.
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Crackberry Outage Leaves Millions With Pookie Itch

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Blackberry, tech talk | Posted on 23-12-2009

Say, has your BlackBerry buzzed lately? The answer should be NO! Unless you’ve got one of them Canal St. black market specials.  Research in Motion (RIM), the company behind the addictive device, says users in North and South America are experiencing delays (duuuuh).

RIM says it’s working to fix the outage which is affecting e-mail but not phone calls. They’d better hurry up with this fix… if I don’t get my RSS feeds updated soon, I’m gonna pounce on the next person I see like crackhead Pookie fiendin’ for turkey.

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Tech Talk: T-Mobile Offers Blackberry For The "Credit Challenged"

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Blackberry, T-Mobile, tech talk | Posted on 18-11-2009

Get yo’ check and get in that Check’n'go line… T-Mobile is selling a pre-paid Blackberry that doesn’t require a contract or a credit check! 

The BlackBerry Curve 8520 is one of the four handsets offered through the company’s T-Mobile Complete package. The kits start at $59.99 (the BlackBerry starts at $350).  That price includes the first month of service and you get a choice of data, text and voice plans starting at $50 per month.

T-Mobile is the first national U.S. mobile company to offer a pay-in-advance BlackBerry.

The kits are available at Best Buy and some WalMart locations.

This means you can cop yo’self a BlackBerry and not be locked into the dreaded contract that’s harder to get out of than an Usher marriage.  Hear hear, T-Mobile!

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Am I Good In Bed?

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in iPhone, sex, tech talk, There's an app for that | Posted on 24-10-2009

Ah, the age old question.  How do you really know she’s not faking it?  What if he’s just being polite for now, hoping your bedroom game gets better?

Well… now there’s an app for that!

And, it’ll only cost you $1.99!  The makers of Love Vibes want to help you on your way to becoming The Ladies Man or Mr. Marcus or Superhead or Vanessa del Rio or [insert preferred sex stallion here].  Step 1: Cut a hole in a… oh wait, wrong topic.  First, download the iPhone application and once installed, hit the “Begin Love Making” button and then put your iPhone down…sayyyyy, on the bed beside you.

Then start making sweet love to your lady/man-friend.  When you’re done, don’t light that cigarette… instead, roll over and click “End Love Making.” 
(I swear, I could not make this stuff up)

The app then gives you a “score” based on duration, passion and variety (wait… how do it know variety?).

Sadly, if you’re wack before you had this app…you’ll be wack after you spend the 2 bucks for it.

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Blackberry App For Cheaters

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Blackberry, tech talk, Your Cheatin' Heart | Posted on 21-10-2009

Alert! Alert! All you cheaters.  Now there’s an app for your BlackBerry that lets you hide your little black book.

BlackBook” allows you to keep some of your contacts completely hidden, accessible only by entering a customizable password. The application doesn’t even have an icon, so you’ll never see it on the phone.  You have to use a secret key-combination to access the top-secret list.

Oh, but get this, cheaters, terrorists and infidels (I mean, who else is keeping secrets on their own phones?), the app lets you filter calls, texts, PIN conversations, emails and allows you to customize your caller IDs with aliases.  Now that’s some Jack Bauer isht right there.

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Tech Talk: Step Up Your Keyboard Game

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Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in brews gotta have gadgets, Gadget Gal, tech talk | Posted on 18-10-2009

It’s well documented that I’m a Gadget Gal and a Tech Freak.  I even get a little excited in Office Depot.  Hey, don’t judge.  It’s the small things in life that I appreciate.

Anyway, take a peek at the new crop of funky keyboards that actually make you look forward to typing.  Click the red links for the deets on each gadget.

Keyboard Pants by designer Erik De Nijs

Bluetooth Laser Virtual Keyboard

No-Key” Glass Keyboard by Kong Fanwen

Taste The Brew for more gadgets.

Combination Keyboard & Mouse by Combimouse

Washable Keyboard by Unotron

Glow In The Dark Keyboard Stickers

Wooden Keyboard & Mouse by Brando Bamboo

Warrior XXtreme Gaming Keyboard by Wolf King

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Tech Talk: ICE Can Save Your Life

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Posted by Elphaba Of The Brew | Posted in ICE, tech talk | Posted on 14-10-2009

If you haven’t added an ICE contact to your cell phone, it’s time to right now. ICE stands for “In Case of Emergency.” ICE isn’t news but now developers are catching on by developing apps that will hold all of your ICE info in case you get hurt and can’t speak for yourself.

The Jared Company has developed a Blackberry app for $1.99, simply called ICE. If you have this app on your phone and wind up in an emergency situation, police can look on your phone and get any information they need to save your life. You can even store important info like medical information and it can all be accessed from an icon on your phone.

iTunes is also offering at least three ICE apps for $.99 each.

If you don’t want to pay, at least add a contact and title it ICE. Better to be safe than sorry!

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