Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved » Tyra Banks
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Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved Rss

Fooling With Tyra Banks Will Leave You Bald


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Brew beauty, Natural Hair, Tyra Banks | Posted on 25-09-2011

Tyra Banks is pretty busy these days. Lately, we’ve seen her out –dressed as a model superhero warrior– promoting her new “book,” Modelland. But she’s also got a fashion and beauty site called typeF which she launched earlier this year to offer “women the personalized style know-how they are looking for, when and where they want it, at home or on the go.” The site’s YouTube channel features short tutorials on how to achieve your best look, be it the little black dress or how to lay down an afro. Wait. What? Lay down an afro? I have never searched for this information on the innawebs. Ever. If anything, I’m trying to get my afro to be bigger. But anywhosss, perhaps this is advice that someone needs. There’s a “hair expert” on Tyra’s site who’s offering “tips” to natural hair wearers and African American women overall. Her advice got the natural hair community’s shea butter in a curdle.

Did she really just paddle brush on dry hair? Mamma nooooo!

After receiving a slew of negative comments, the typeF people deleted the comments and issued this statement.

Oh, but this little nugget of beauty advice still exists on the site:

C’mon Tyra…


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Brew Quotes: Farewell, Tyra


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in Brew Quotes, Tyra Banks | Posted on 28-05-2010

After 5 years on the teevay, Tyra Banks wacky daytime talk show takes a bow today. Good thing she’s saving the crazy for America’s Next Top Model though.

Anyway, during her run, Tyra has been fat, homeless, a man and she’s shown us how to cleanse our colons. And what has Oprah done for you lately? (I kid, I kid… Don’t shoot me Momma O!)

Of all the people she’s interviewed, she says interviewing then Senator Barack Obama was thrilling.

“I was so nervous, sick to my stomach and my hands were shaking. I asked him to look into the crystal ball and said, ‘What do you see in your future, Senator?’ And without hesitation he replied, ‘The White House.’ That clip ran on CNN and every national morning show. I’ll never forget being a part of political history.”

Political history? She made the future leader of the free world look into a crystal ball like Oda Mae Brown telling Molly she was in “danger, girl.” C’mon, Tyra!


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Brew Bits: Tyra Wants You To Read


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in brew bits, Tyra Banks | Posted on 11-05-2010

The new Oprah Tyra Banks wants you to read.  The former model/talk show host/fierce smize trainer is working on a book called “Modelland” for Random House.  It’s part of a trilogy she’s working on for the publisher.

Gawker reports the book takes place in a make-believe world called Modelland, “where ‘Intoxibellas’ are trained. Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too.”  Um, okay?!?  Tyra says the book is for “all the girls and guys who want a lot more FANTASY in their lives…and some fierceness and magic, romance and mystery, crazy and wild adventures, and yeah, some danger too.”

Oh, and if you buy it and read it, your face will look like this permanently.


What’s Brewing?


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in brew bits, brewshyt, elin, facebook blunder, Jada Pinkett Smith, sandra bullock, shaq, The Hangover, Tyra Banks, What's Brewing, will smith | Posted on 31-03-2010

Will Smith causing trouble at Jada’s job? – In Case You Didn’t Know

Sandra Bullock is ready to quit this bitch? – Examiner

Get ready for The Hangover, part deux – Perez Hilton

5 things people in relationships should not put on Facebook – The Gloss

Is Elin knocked up? – Celebitchy

Shaq texts his jumpoff… and texts just like he talks (he’s no Tiger) – Radar Online

A toilet paper-eating woman? Only on Tyra… – Fail Blog


What’s Brewing?


Posted by Witch Hazel | Posted in ANTM, brew bits, brewshyt, demi moore, Lil Wayne, michael jordan, octomom, T.I., Tiger Woods, Tiny, Tyra Banks, What's Brewing, whitney houston | Posted on 18-03-2010

A few links for your evening reading pleasure…

Is Whitney Houston in rehab? – Gyant Unplugged

Tiger Woods will piss on you – Intersection of Madness & Reality

America’s Next Top Model may very well kill you – dlisted

Send Lil Wayne a jailhouse letter why don’tcha? – Miss Jia

Call Demi Moore a cougar and she might cut you – the.Life Files

Tyra Banks wants to help you with your period – Jezebel

Octomom could be OctohomelessTMZ

Michael Jordan buys the Charlotte Bobcats…sure hope he doesn’t suit up too – FreddyO

Tiny & T.I. getting married… finally – YBF