Hmm.. so, I guess because you have had this dream of sanging fame, you though it was a good move to jump the Danity Kane sinking ship and align yourself with Hebitch  Jenkins. You hook up with this other lovely person (I’m assuming, my beef is not with her)…and start calling yourselves Dirty Money..and you both actually have nice voices, so yay for that.  I mean seriously, dump the jigging coon in front of you  and you might actually have something I could care about (probably not, but let’s think happy thoughts). 

Speaking of your shitty career decisions…aren’t you afraid that if you open a Bad Boy file cabinet the rotted corpses of Total will come flying out- and that skinny one (that wasn’t Keisha or Pam—what was her name? Maggie? Megan?  Justice? ) Anyway she looked like she had some sharp bones. Protect ya neck.   I also hear that the zombie of Craig Mack walks the halls mumbling something about how HE should have been the face of Proactive but your boss c-blocked  yet another career opportunity.  But, I digress.

DUDE, WHAT THE FRACK IS UP WITH THE COLORED CONTACTS?

WHO DOES THIS IN 2010??

UGH, you suck.

That is all.

This doll is just precious, I want one! It is inspired by her ‘American Idol’ dracula like ensemble from earlier this year….. and it even has her lil short doo, NICE!

Mattel has immortalized Janet Jackson for a good cause with a new Barbie doll.
 
The toy manufacturer has put a one-of-kind Divinely Janet doll up for bid at CharityBuzz.com. Proceeds from the auction will be donated to Project Angel Food, which delivers meals to Los Angeles-area families affected by terminal illnesses.
 
Janet’s Barbie was inspired by the fierce ensemble she wore on “American Idol” earlier this year. “I knew we had to recreate that look for her one of a kind doll,” said Mattel Designer Jackline Gonzalez.
 

I have the sads, a comedy genius is gone. One of the first ‘grownup’ movies I ever saw in the theater was Airplane. I was a kid who loved the comedy stylings of Leslie Nielsen. I am quite bummed.

Airplane! – Are You A Doctor?

Nielsen, best known for Airplane! and the Naked Gun franchise, died Sunday of complications from pneumonia at a hospital near his home in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. He was surrounded by family, including his wife and friends.

He appeared in more than 100 films, starting in the 50′s and played it pretty straight for the first 30 years. But then came Airplane in 1980 and everything changed. Lampooning the serious roles he’d made a B-movie career of, Neilson morphed into a comic icon — a new role that seemed a natural fit.

One of the best movies, ever!

Source

Nicki MiddleManajment goes all sensitive and makes me like her…just a smidgen.  Plus any chick that can wear all those clown wigs, and still be pretty- is A- OK in my book. (I’m mad shallow, son!).  I still want nothing to to with her music. But hey, in the words of Ronnie from the fine film “Player’s Club” : “Make that money honey- don’t let it make you!”

‘My Time Now’ follows Minaj over a period of three months and follows her in and outside the studio.  And hopefully my burning question will be answered: ”Is the business casual butt pad, any different than the stage butt pad?”  Seriously, she’s got a magic arse and I wanna know what kind of stuffing is in there. DON’T BE SO SELFISH MINAJ! GIVE UP THE INFO!

The documentary premieres on MTV Sunday, Nov. 28 at 10PM ET/PT

Now you guys can get your own ‘body magic’ on….. Spanx now has a mirdle (man girdle) with your gender written all over it! Fellas wanna look sleek in their club uniform too and it seems the makers of Spanx understands this. So I say go for it! Just don’t roll up on me in the club because while I happen to be on swole myself I do not believe in compression garments…. AT ALL! I let what nature gave me shake, I feel that is only right  and if you happen to get lucky with me the night we meet (I’m a lady with needs) I will not be down to do the grown up with a man who wears a girdle, I just can’t see my loins gettin hyped upon the discovery of your faux tummy…….

Spanx for men

I haven’t really been into this last year of Oprah, gonna admit it. I  will go on record saying that, at the risk of  the Brew being shut down, since I am pretty sure that this  statement has just been flagged by the CIA, this is the United States of  Harpo, of course. 

But dammit, if the “Color Purple” reunion on the Oprah show didn’t just get watched in it’s entirety.  The cast has aged pretty damn well!  Danny Glover’s got some snazzy new chompers, Rae Dawn Chong-  is aging the way you wish Jasmine Guy could. Margaret Avery is a total, GILF (Yep, Granny…oh you know the rest).  And who knew? (maybe you did…I can only hold so much in my brain), Akousa Busia is a Ghanaian Princess… how did John Singleton snag royalty?

 I digress.  Oprah was actually GOOD today and not depressing!  Here’s a clip allowed by Harpo Law.

BREW CHICK ASKS:

“Dudes, I got engaged and it’s time to make up my guest list. I realized a lot of my friends are guys I used to date before my fiance and I ever met. I would love to have them there. Would you feel funny going to an ex’s wedding as a guest? As the groom would you be weirded out knowing there were some fellas there who knew your Bride in the biblical sense?”   

What say you?

 THE CASHER!:  I wouldn’t feel funny going to an ex’s wedding as a guest. Not at all. I would, however, shed an internal tear, reminiscing on the time I hit it. It’s only natural. But you won’t get a “Dwayne Wayne spoils Whitley’s Wedding” scene outta me. Nope. She’s my ex for a reason. And if she’s happy, I’m happy. Part of me would think she only invited me to show that she’s “happy” now. Truly though, I wouldn’t give a shit. Just don’t expect me to be buddy-buddy with the groom. Too much alcohol, and I got some stories for that ass.
As the groom, she better not go there cause if it’s fair game on the invites, I doubt she’d like the outcome. Can you imagine the beautiful bride watching a line of women paying more attention to her husband than giving the courteous compliments to the blushing bride? Then you know the bridesmaids response…”Who is THAT b*tch???”. And I’ve been with some hood chicks that would set it OFF in that mofo…Not a good look.  Eloping ain’t such a bad idea. Go with that.

GROSS DUDE:  Why do you want to have them there? Are they “genuinely” platonic friends that you talk to all the time? Are these guys married or seriously involved now? I hope you aren’t inviting a slew of single men that u use to knock off to your wedding. That’s not a good look.  Your fiance inviting a ton of exs to your wedding too? 
Personally…. as your soon to be husband.. I’m probably going to be less than thrilled that there are a dozen other fellas in the church that has blessed various parts of my soon to be wife before I did.  As your guy “friend”, If in my mind, I would still fukk u, I probably don’t need to attend your wedding…unless of course… you have single lady friends at or in the wedding that I might be interested in…because now that you are hitched..they are fair game and rest assure, I’m going to be all over them.

PHLIP:  I would be a little weirded out if one day one of my exes hit me with a invite to their wedding. It would feel disingenuous and plain shitty, almost as if she were trying to rub my nose in it. That said, not a single one of mine – never minding that I will only TALK to one – will be receiving any notice of my own wedding next fall… That said, I worry about people who maintain close relationships with ex flames. Double that for those who do so while in attempting a relationship with anyone other than one of the exes in question.

THEORNERYONE:  Whoever this chick, witch, hitch, ditch, itch, stitch or what ever ladies are calling themselves these days, needs to go look into a mirror and ask herself the following: “Would I allow my fiance to invite, not just one, but all of his gut bucket skeezas aka “friends” to my wedding?”  First, any man dumb enough to ask this question needs will be made an example of and the reenactment can be seen on a soon to be produced episode of “Snapped”. Second, any man with a lick of common sense and cares not to entertain drama would leave well enough alone and dismiss the whole thing.  But, like many situations in relationships, this one has allowed a true nemesis of the modern hard working, all teeth in the mouth having, well-kept men to rear its ugly mug: the double-standard. The double standard here is women feel justified in asking a question right up there with “I told my jailbird brother Cleophus he can come stay with us…Oh I forgot to mention, he’s a convicted child molester…Here’s his pic in the Post!” 99.8% of men out there would not ask a woman anything that will bring her from a 2 to 80808080808080808080808080808. I spoke with an ex of mine regarding her possibly inviting MY mother and sister to her baby shower. I told her thanks for the offer, but that wouldn’t sit well with me and I know for damn sure it wouldn’t sit well with your man. Sure enough, she had dismissed the whole idea because both men in the equation felt it was a dumb request to begin with. Oh yeah, those .2% of men who ask double-standard questions of women can be seen getting their ass hemmed up and their life chalked on the Oxygen channel on Sundays at 10pm EST/9pm CST.

SUPREME:  Lol…I’ve actually been to a few weddings as a guest of a woman I used to mess with. What’s the big deal? As long as y’all still have a good relationship after y’all messed with each other, I see no problem. It ain’t like I’m gonna jump up at the alter and slob her down…or get one last shag in while she’s getting ready to walk down the aisle…And as far as if I was the groom – if you’re a grown man and have issues with the fact that your wife-to-be has a few exes she’s cool with, you need to eat some man-pills ASAP. I mean really – what type of insecure bullcrap is that?? She’s marrying YOU…heaven knows I have exes I’m cool with. If we’re getting married, I’d expect her to know them and be cool with the fact that we’re still friends..,goes both ways.  Sounds like a guy who would have major issues with these scenarios might be a cousin of Duncan Hines – you know, kinda *moist*…

BIG IN EUROPE: (Elphaba’s note: I might just change this guys name to DISGUSTING DUDE).  Hypothetically speaking (Since everyone KNOWS Big ain’t getting married), If I were getting married to a woman and all of her friends were exes, they could come to see that the “dirty little whore” (That’s what I would call my wife, cause it’s a term of endearment) that they used to plow is being made into a honest woman. Now, THAT being said, it does seem like the perfect storm to make a man have to swallow his fronts over some reminiscing story they will inevitably share with each other. Some one will overhear that shit, it would get back to me, and now, I’ve got to get shit on my shoe. Ex-whore or not (cause Big like em nasty as septic tank), she’s MY Pretty Woman.  I’m a motherfuckin RIDER!

Dear Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou George Michael,

I loved you when I was 16-19 and I love you today. Do you know I chose my major in college based on my gaydar-free love of you? I sure did. I went into Mass Media, because I had the BRILLIANT idea that, I would be working my entertainment beat in London.  We would meet at an industry party and bam! LOVE. 

When people laughed at me, I brushed off the obvious signs that you would not be open to my affections.  I mean you’re European, of COURSE you run around with your cute homeboy in short shorts.

I was dedicated to our most certain future union.  Meeting you was the only part of the puzzle I need to work on. (Yes, I was that confident.)

Hmm.. imagine my surprise at the whole (well the first) ”Bathroom incident”… I was willing to work with you though.  Maybethere was a chance you liked the ladies too…We woulda made some pretty babies. (Seriously, Vogue worthy offspring, I’m convinced).  However it is quite the bummer, to find that I had not only wasted my time and energy on a man who doesn’t like the VaginaCat (though I’m fairly certain that wasn’t the last time I did that), but  I could have just trolled my neighborhood Greek deli and found something quite similar, with a quarter of the effort.

GEORGE MICHAEL 2010

  BAKLAVA DUDE AT  YOUR LOCAL DELI

Cocaine is a helluva drug!

Yeeeaaaaaaa  so this nutjob,  Toni Stowers-Moore did the grown up with her 15 year old grandson because according to her, he had demons in him. “The debbil made her do it” over and over and over and over again. Man there musta been a lot of evil in the lil guy for granny to keep humping the dickens outta him like that.

Girl Bye! I hope they lock her perverted, crazy ass up for the remainder of her life…… un-freakin-real! I understand what it’s like to be a horny woman of age but do eharmony not your grandson you freaktard!

Stowers-Moore, 52, is charged with statutory rape/sex offense in which the defendant is six years older than the victim, incest with a child and sexual battery. The crimes allegedly occurred between July 28, 2008 and Aug. 1, 2008, Durham Police Department spokeswoman Kammie Michael said. Stowers-Moore was arrested Aug. 28, 2008 for allegedly committing sexual acts on her grandson, who at the time was 15.

But the defendant, a former Durham Public Schools teacher assistant, said she was carrying out her religious duty, so, by having sexual relations with him, she sacrificed her own body in order to save innocent people from his potential advances, the prosecutor told the judge.y by both having sex with and masturbating her grandson, Durham County District Attorney Tracey Cline said. According to Stowers-Moore, her grandson had a sexual demon on

Well if you own a vagina cat more than likely the answer is no. Now I happen to love sports, football and basketball especially, I may not know all the jargin n stuff but I do know that football players make touch downs and basketball players do lay-ups and 3 pointers and that the ball must go in the net thingie. You don’t need to be some sorta psycho sports expert to take a liking to football. I know for me  I love it more so because of the way it makes people feel when everyone roots for their fav team. So this football season don’t get frustrated with your boo because you catch him humping his football, (try to remember men go through withdrawal when football season ends) he’s just super excited that it’s back. Like super excited……. I say instead of all that whining and nagging that some of you do about the lack of attention you receive around this time that you embrace it instead. Here are my top 10 tips for surviving this football season, keeping your relationship in tack and in the end have your man loving you more than he ever did:

10. Get the cable package that comes with all the football stuff, like all of it! That mofo will never leave the house thus solving a lot of your prob and elimnating the need for him to go to his boy Bookeim’s house to watch the game ( we all know Bookeim got way more than football goin on over there). Sure the cable bill will be higher but he’s paying for it anyway!

9. Educate yourself…… go online and read some footballish stuff, study some frequently used terms,  pick a ‘football word of the day’ and spit that word out in general convo with your boo, like over dinner say something like “boy Imma run a blitz on that ass if you don’t come ova here and gimme sum suga” BAM!!! he will be smitten!

8. Don’t nag about it, act like football is 12 months out of the year, it’s sorta like when people say don’t feed into a child’s temper tantrum,  the more of an issue you make of it, the more you’ll catch him humping that football instead of you…..

7. Show some spirit! Get some football underwear, like a Redskin’s thong, or a Bengals bikini, whatever your flavor just know that nothing shows true enthusiasm like a team inspired string up your ass, seriously……

6. keep the house stacked with snacks, it’s football season for White Jesus sake! Bump that secret diet you have him on (you’ll just have to deal with his gut crashing into yours when ya’ll do the grown up until February).

5. By no means does #6 mean you yourself should partake in the snacks, he may be engrossed in football but I promise you the very minute after the super bowl ends he will be like“hmmm, um er rah, hey babe, sooooo ya picked up a lil weight while I was gone huh?” and you know how us ladies can be, we can be busting the seams on all our clothes but we will still have a natural born fit the minute our man notices we are padding for winter

4. Create “football ambiance” for your man, get him subscriptions to his fav sports magazine, a lazy boy chair, a stripper pole, keep the Coronas in stock….. make the man comfy! Again you gotta remember this thing is about less resistance, pick your battles, there is no way in hell you’re winning the football battle so just make the man comfy and save your sanity……

3. Now you should be good and trained in football now that you’ve been educating yourself and using your “football words of the day” consistently but don’t get ahead of yourself there chubby stacks (see , all that snacking is on your ass too). Men get a lil ticked off when women get all football smarty art with them so be subtle with your knowledge, don’t get all pigskin Angela Davis on him cause you know a little bit, go outside and run instead Kat Snacks….

2. Now is perfect time to buy a new car, or a mink coat, or anything else you wouldn’t be able to buy if he were paying attention. Go for it! Don’t be a pussy just cause you have one!

1. My #1 tip is to shut the eff up! Seriously, the time to ask what each play means is not while he’s watching the game! You broads are so outta line on this one. Just think, if he talked a hole in your head while you were watching the Golden Girls or if  he  asked you questions about your mac n cheese recipe during the best scene in your favorite porn, you would lose it wouldn’t you? Same thing! Shut your mouth!  BAM!!! After that football season should be a breeze……..

Brew Chick Asks:

Do you feel comfortable being in a relationship with a woman who is friends with most of her exes?

Would you worry that she’s smashing them on business trips and the like?

******

BIG IN EUROPE: I don’t mind a woman keeping in touch with her Ex’s because I’m not worrying about her cheating on me, cause we ain’t in a relationship anyway. I don’t *do* relationships cause people ain’t shit.

Elphie: Jeez… someone give this dude a hug–be careful, he’s an ass grabber.

SUPREME: I’m not an insecure dude like that, so as long as it’s already been established before we got together that she’s faithful and trustworthy, why would I be upset that she’s friends with her exes? All relationships don’t end bad – hell, I’m friends with MOST of my exes. And my girl knows there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like I go spend the night with them or engage in activity that would raise her eyebrows…and I would expect her to not do the same. As long as we maintain honesty throughout everything (as I do in my relationship now), there’s no worries on my part. She’s with me every night anyway, and we know what each other is up to for the most part cuz we keep in touch during the day via text or phone call.

PHLIP: No, not really… The problem with “exes as friends” is that they seem more interested in being the “dick in a glass jar,” and in such disrespect the relationship in how they often flatly state things like “I’mma get you back” or something of the sort. If boundaries can be respected, then all is fine, but if a dude doesn’t stay in his lane then he must go.
Alone time is a strict HELL no. In the interest of fairness, I would expect the same in return as it relates to my female friends and exes/old jumpoffs. The past is the past for a reason, leave it back there.

GROSS DUDE: I automatically assume everyone is friends with their Exes.  I also automatically assume that most Exes will still want to hit it. Hell, I’m friends with most of the women I have dealt with at one time or another…. and yeah..most I will still hit…just because. But that being said…. I’m not the hypocritical type. I’m just going to trust her to NOT sleep with her ex… same way I would hope she trust me NOT to sleep with anyone Ive dealt with. B/C as easy as it is for her to get with those fellas.. rest assure…I”ll get mine.

Elphie: Get your what? Kit o’HIV?

REGGIE DA’BLOGGER:I once dated a young woman that was friends with all her exes, I trusted her emphatically because she was so open and honest about most everything.  She always seemed genuine and she was the type of person that would be honest, even if it hurt someone’s feelings.  Since I trusted her, I was okay with her having so many male friends; and I trusted her right up until the time she gave me gonorrhea and crabs…I guess at the same time. Of course, that kinda jaded me to trusting that type of woman again.  Now I prefer my significant other have a bunch of girlfriends.

So, let’s say you are an inexplicable Reality TV hit. You are the color and size of a circus peanut and a little less mentally and socially  functional than say … ‘Corky’  and for some reason you earn more than a school teacher.  You are one lucky Batch! That said, there are some vipers out there, and when you meet a guy you should probably use extreme caution. Especially, if he is proposing after two weeks. Especially if he is proposing after 2 weeks all greased up. Especially if he is proposing after  2 weeks all greased up on the cover of a ‘magazine’.

 RUN Schnickers, this guy aint right! No, I’m sorry.. this guy is CRAZY AS SHITE!

The pint-sized “Jersey Shore” star’s boyfriend of at least two weeks, Jeff Miranda, is using the cover of Steppin’ Out magazine to ask for her hand in marriage.

For the magazine’s Sept. 10 issue cover shoot, a shirtless Miranda — wearing the bottom half of a Desert Camouflage Uniform, a nod to his Iraq war veteran status — got down on one knee, posing next to a headline that reads: “Jeff Miranda has a question for Snooki. Will you marry me?”

“I love her and want to be with her,” Miranda told Steppin’ Out about the unconventional proposal. “Once she deals with the shock, I think [she'll] say yes. I really do. In fact, I know she’ll say yes.” (BREW COMMENTARY: “OR I’LL BREAK HER EFFIN’ LEGS!!”)

Sources told Radar that Miranda’s “whole Guido thing is something totally new. He’s become a gym rat and hooked-up with Snooki to get popularity and fame.”

It’s an accusation that Miranda, of Millstone, New Jersey, refuted in Steppin’ Out. “People think I’m using her for fame. But that’s bulls- – -,” he said. (Meanwhile, it’s been reported that he removed his “Jersey Shore” audition reel from the Web yesterday morning.)

When Miranda initially hooked up with Snooki — Nicole Polizzi, 22 — it was revealed that his ex-girlfriend got a temporary restraining order against him in April 2009. (BREW COMMENTARY: YEA THAT SEEMS NORMAL)

DEETS