Witches' Brew | White Jesus Approved http://witchesbrewonline.com LOVE : LIFE : FOOLERY : FACTS Tue, 26 Aug 2014 18:38:45 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.2 Brew Review: Moisturize & Shine with Teadora + GIVEAWAY http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/brew-review-moisturize-shine-with-teadora-giveaway/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/brew-review-moisturize-shine-with-teadora-giveaway/#comments Tue, 26 Aug 2014 18:38:45 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36566

Is your hair fried, dyed and laid to the side from too much summer sun, salt, chlorine and sweat? Then, run, don’t walk, to enter our latest beauty giveaway. One lucky winner will get the all-natural, sulfate-free, vegan shampoo and conditioner from Teadora, a $60 value. Jump over to my review at Beautiful Brown Girls to find out how Teadora worked for me, and enter the giveaway below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

Thanks to Teadora for sponsoring the giveaway. I received the products in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.
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Brew Review: Banish Gray Hair with Rootstix + GIVEAWAY http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/rootstix-review-giveaway/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/rootstix-review-giveaway/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2014 00:22:52 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36559

Let’s talk about something you may be in denial about. Something you may be tucking under your headwrap or your weave in an attempt to just forget about it. That something is GRAY HAIR! We all probably have a few. I have more than a few and I’ve just gotten lazy about covering them. If you’re lazy, on a budget or simply can’t color your hair (I hear the preggo people shouldn’t do that), then you need to try Rootstix. It’s an easy, affordable way to keep your grays covered. I tested it out for you and I’m giving one away. Hop on over to my review on Beautiful Brown Girls to read more and enter below. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

Thanks to Rootstix for sponsoring the giveaway. I received the product in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.
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Brew Breakdown: “Atlanta Exes” http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/brew-breakdown-atlanta-exes/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/brew-breakdown-atlanta-exes/#comments Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:49:07 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36580 Atlanta-Exes

I just watched Atlanta Exes online at my desk (yes I’m trife) which quietly premiered last night on VH-1. Three words: de-press-ing! First of all, I don’t relish any type of break-up, especially the demise of black love, but these chicks are seemingly defining themselves solely by their breakup and the strength of their exes’ identity. Super sad and uncomfy to watch.  Think bootleg “Waiting to Exhale”, mixed with “Love & Hip Hop” and a pinch of  “Single Ladies”. It’s like Mona Scott and Terri McMillan had a lesbian one night stand and came up with this shyt show the next morning over e-cigs and coffee.

The cast:

Christina Johnson
She is the ex wife of Cee Lo “Arms are too short to box with God” Green. She clearly loves big ass shoulders jackets and little ass Cee-lo. Why either? I so don’t know. In one scene she asked him if he was aight if she started dating again, after 8 years! Huh? Girl, get your life. You’re giving that Inch High Private Eye wayyyyyyy too much power over your poon. Get ye on a date, stat!




Monyetta Shaw
Massive dome connoisseur Ne-yo’s ex and mother to his two tykes who still lives with him in Atlanta. Talk about holding on. She also continues to entertain his family weekly and basically fills her days talking about the same ish everyone else is; trying to date. zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz. Her cute though.



Premiere Of Summit Entertainment's "Ender's Game" - Arrivals

Torrei Hart
Despite her slightly annoying voice and bad Fashion Fair foundation choices, she’s actually a bit likeable. She’s taken a lot of heat for continuing to discuss how she was Kevin Hart’s ride or die back in their college days in Philly and his affair once he made it. But I get it;  she took that micro ninja from Ashy to Classy and is upset that he traded her in, for what apparently is a blasian and younger version of herself.
kevin hart<— am I lying though?




Tameka Raymond
I guess she is the “big name” on this busted up production. I will play nice because Tameka has been through a lot; from losing in her divorce case, to losing custody of her two children with Usher, to losing her son Kile in a tragic jet ski accident. I got nothing. She’s also kinda of funny. I’m holding out hope that she talks about Usher’s peen skills cuz I’ve been wondering…

It does bother me that her oldest son 1) looks older than she does 2) looks like Usher.




Sheree Buchanan
The ex wife of some former Falcons player whom I never heard of, who dresses way too young and tight, has nine bags of yaki in and lots of kids. Nothing to see here people, move along!

So basically, if you can stomach 60 minutes of ex-misery; cleaning out exes closets, talking about exes, crying about exes, crying about new beginnings, a strip club visit or two and then crying about exes again, by all means, tune in! I rather shave my pubes.

Episode 1:

**side note/side-eye: for VH-1 playing a Kevin Hart commercial while I watched it online**


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WTF? Files: Kim Kardashian Inks #Selfie Book Deal http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/kim-kardashian-selfie-book/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/kim-kardashian-selfie-book/#comments Fri, 08 Aug 2014 19:03:34 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36549

Kim Kardashian is raking in millions with her nonsensical mobile app. Soon, she’ll be sitting on millions more, thanks to a new book o’selfies that hits shelves next spring.

SelfishSelfish” (how fitting!?!) will feature more than 300 pages of Kim being, well, vapid Kim. The book was reportedly inspired by a collection of selfies she took for her new hubby for Valentine’s Day. But, nothing is just for Kanye’s eyes. Natch, the book will be sold to the public in April of next year. “Selfish” will set you back $19.95 for the same crap you can see on Instagram.

Images via Instagram & Rizzoli
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Rocsi: Fetch Team Trade? http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/rocsi-fetch-team-trade/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/rocsi-fetch-team-trade/#comments Wed, 06 Aug 2014 17:45:43 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36539 lala_vasquez_anthony2012-headshot-big-ver-upper052113-celebs-rocsi-diaz-faints-billboard-red-carpet2007-Keri-hilson-1-400
My Fetch Club Franchise Players have always been rock solid; LaLa Anthony, Rocsi “pick-an-accent” Diaz and Miss Keri Behbeh! Now, in case you’re new around these here parts, we call anyone “Fetch” who is just annoying as the song “Happy” was the 9344th time you heard it, or someone whose presence, smile and the way they spell their name is just irritating at fock. Which is how Rocsi got drafted. Now, there are more members out there; some are secret like the Il-loo-mi-nati and sometimes they switch out, sort of like a Fantasy Football League for Lames, but my franchise players have always remained in tact. Their doing, not mine. Until now. Rosci is acting like she wants to be traded. She’s apparently done breaking up ministerial marriages in Turks & Kinkos and more importantly far from her brief judgment lapse for dealing with Donkey! Ms. Raquel is keeping her head down, hosting shyt and sounding halfway decent unlike Karrythecoachbag Tran’s stint hosting the EBT Awards’ Red Carpet pre-show. But that’s another story.  Roc is seeming a wee less desperado now that those ET checks are coming in. I see you boo! I might need a new Safety soon – *eyes Kae*



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Brewchies At The Movies: Finding Fela + GIVEAWAY http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/finding-fela-giveaway/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/08/finding-fela-giveaway/#comments Mon, 04 Aug 2014 17:05:45 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36522

Here at the Brew, we like to keep you cultured and clued in to what’s new in these streets. A documentary on the legendary Afrobeat musician and activist, Fela Kuti, premieres in Washington, DC this Friday and we’ve got a preview for ya. Directed by Academy Award winning filmmaker Alex Gibney, Finding Fela looks at Fela’s life, music and global political impact. I had a chance to screen the film, which includes newly-discovered footage of his performances and interviews, plus interviews with Fela’s family and friends to give you a better look into his life. The documentary masterfully weaves in clips from the Broadway musical, “Fela!,” to help tell the story of how this revolutionary musician, so far ahead of his time, made an impact on his home continent and beyond. Fela used his music and fame to speak out against the oppressive Nigerian dictatorship of the 1970s and ’80s. Even his death opened the door for conversations about sexual health that were often taboo.

Fela’s words are just as impactful today as they were 40 years ago. Check out this clip.

If you aren’t tapping your feet and windin’ in your seat after hearing the Afrobeat grooves, then you’ve missed out! But, Finding Fela is more than just a jam session, it’s a look at an artist whose approach to music is something we rarely (if, ever) see in this brand name, status-heavy, blinged out era. Finding Fela runs August 8–14 at the Landmark E Street Cinema in DC. Visit the film’s website to find out when it’s showing near you.

One lucky winner (and a guest) will get tickets to see the documentary at the Landmark in DC. Enter below for your chance to get 2 tickets, plus the film’s soundtrack. You MUST be in the Washington, DC area to win. Good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Will you be seeing Finding Fela?

Thanks to the “Finding Fela” team for sponsoring this giveaway.
Image via Kino Lorber Inc.
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Will You Watch?: Tyler Perry’s If Loving You Is Wrong http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/will-you-watch-tyler-perrys-if-loving-you-is-wrong/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/will-you-watch-tyler-perrys-if-loving-you-is-wrong/#comments Tue, 22 Jul 2014 19:44:21 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36515

Oprah Winfrey’s OWN is another step closer to becoming the Tyler Perry Network, thanks to TP’s latest series. “If Loving You Is Wrong” (written, produced and catered by Perry) premieres on OWN September 9th and will be his fourth on the network. The drama follows a middle class group of friends who look “normal” but…

Secrets, lies and deception lie behind closed doors for a group of husbands and wives that live and love on the same street.

TP has three other shows produced for OWN, “The Haves And The Have Nots,” “For Better or Worse” and “Love Thy Neighbor,” which I have never seen. #noshade #maybeso… Here’s a peek at “If Loving You Is Wrong.”

So, will ya watch?

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NWA Flick Wants Black, Thuggy Actors & Poor Dark Skinned Girls http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/nwa-flick-wants-black-thuggy-actors/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/nwa-flick-wants-black-thuggy-actors/#comments Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:22:39 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36500
NWA casting

The casting is underway for the minor players in the NWA biopic, Straight Outta Compton, and let’s just say the casting call has a way with words… a real racisty way with words.

In a series of posts (both of which have since been deleted from Facebook), Sande Alessi Casting posted the kinds of actors they’re looking for, from “black and thuggy” to “poor” black girls. I mean, we know this film has hood roots and all, but there’s a way to word things without “wording” things. Nahmean?


A second casting call asked for women, ranking them from A-to-D, with very specific classifications based on skin tone.

SAG OR NON UNION CASTING NOTICE FOR FEMALES-ALL ETHNICITIES- from the late 80′s. Shoots on “Straight Outta Compton”. Shoot date TBD. We are pulling photos for the director of featured extras. VERY IMPORTANT – You MUST live in the Los Angeles area (Orange County is fine too) to work on this show. DO NOT SUBMIT if you live out of the area. Nobody is going to be flying into LA to do extra work on this show – and don’t tell me you are willing to fly in.


A GIRLS: These are the hottest of the hottest. Models. MUST have real hair – no extensions, very classy looking, great bodies. You can be black, white, asian, hispanic, mid eastern, or mixed race too. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@gmail.com subject line should read: A GIRLS

B GIRLS: These are fine girls, long natural hair, really nice bodies. Small waists, nice hips. You should be light-skinned. Beyonce is a prototype here. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@gmail.com subject line should read: B GIRLS

C GIRLS: These are African American girls, medium to light skinned with a weave. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@gmail.com subject line should read: C GIRLS

D GIRLS: These are African American girls. Poor, not in good shape. Medium to dark skin tone. Character types. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@gmail.com subject line should read: D GIRLS

Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are key players in getting this movie made, BTW. Way to keep the Hollywood stereotypes going!

Are you bugged by the casting notices or is this pretty accurate for the era this film is covering? Weigh in below.

Image via Universal Studios
“Bloods” casting call screenshot via Project Casting
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Brew Review: Moisturize Your Situation with Yu-Be http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/yube-skin-cream-review/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/yube-skin-cream-review/#comments Mon, 14 Jul 2014 23:30:30 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36491

Keeping my situation moisturized is a top priority for me, especially in the summer when more of my skin is exposed. I’m usually a butter and oil potion lover but looking like you’re being basted in exotic oils is not cute in 90 degree weather. You wind up cooking your skin in all that grease. I needed a new option to keep the ash away, so I was pleasantly surprised by a nearly 60-year old product called Yu-Be that moisturized without being sticky, greasy or “too much” for summer use. Hop on over to my beauty review at Beautiful Brown Girls to read more about how this worked for me. And enter below to get your own!

E N T E R!!!

Good luck!

Thanks to Yu-Be for sponsoring the giveaway. I received the product in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.
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Brew Bits: Apollo Nida is Going Back to the Pokey http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/brew-bits-apollo-nida-is-going-back-to-the-pokey/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/brew-bits-apollo-nida-is-going-back-to-the-pokey/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 20:31:32 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36480
"A Mother's Love" Opening Night

Phaedra Parks better brush up on her Sip N’ Send Off planning because her hubby is going back to his home away from home. Today, a Georgia judge sentenced Apollo Nida to 8 years in prison and 5 years of supervised release. He actually got off light since he was facing 30 years behind bars (*cough… he cooperated… cough cough*). All of this stemmed from Apollo’s conspiracy to commit bank fraud charges earlier this year. Apollo allegedly made up fake collection companies to access credit card info and that’s a no-no. Phaedra better sell some more donkey booty DVDs, tasers and tacky funeral packages since Apollo also owes $4.5 million in restitution. How soon before the “Phaedra: Single in the City” spinoff, Andy Cohen?

Image via Prince Williams/FilmMagic
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Bridal Shower Boo Boo http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/bridal-shower-boo-boo/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/bridal-shower-boo-boo/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 18:11:26 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36471 bridal-shower-invites[1]-291620
I just received the biggest insult today; an Evite to a bridal shower. Why would this innocent gesture itch my anus, you ask? Because I don’t recall getting ANY save the dates or an invitation to the actually wedding! Call me old school but this is beyond de tackay! I would have preferred the Evite to read “cattle call for gifts” because that’s exactly what this trick thought. This e-stank, which wasn’t even Paperless post, is the equivalent to a Hollywood ‘couch’ audition with a gross, sweaty movie ‘director/producer’ where I leave without my dignity for role that I’ll never get; it’s like a cold pop tart when I ordered a warmed Danish; it’s like fake dreads. Okay, I might be going overboard, but she can stuff her cucumber sandwiches.  So when did this become a thing?


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Cornball Corner: Khloe Kardashian http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/cornball-corner-khloe-kardashian/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/07/cornball-corner-khloe-kardashian/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2014 18:05:40 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36463 rs_634x1024-140419101334-634.Khloe-Kardashian-French-Montana.jl.041914,<— the “Try Too Hard” awards goes to…

Despite what you think the reason this Kardashian is sitting in our Brew’s Cornball Corner has nothing to do with her sharing DNA with THE most vapid and annoying family in both Americas. She’s there because of that scuzzy scrotum head she calls her man, French Montana. The rapper’s wife, YES WIFE, Deen Kharbouch, the one he “Kevin Harted”, says French is ALLEGEDLY a deadbeat daddy who hasn’t seen their son in MONTHS. Maybe her claim is not 100% accurate, because there are two sides to every story, but I’m still giving the side eye because this isn’t the first time Khloe has dealt with a man who had kids. Actually, didn’t your HUSBAND Lamar Odom’s ex say you were not for the chulrren like that? I cannot respect any woman who thinks it’s okay to accept a Jeep Wrangler and other trinkets from a man who doesn’t see his offspring or even have a 529 plan for them. As his ‘rib’, you should be encouraging all that, feel me? So stew in the corner and figure out how does one’s life take them down the road to the land of fake Moroccan Bammas?

French Montana’s wife sub tweets:

What say you, Brewchies?


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Brew Salutes @TinyMajorMama http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-salutes-tinymajormama/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-salutes-tinymajormama/#comments Mon, 30 Jun 2014 15:33:25 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36457 You want receipts? TMZ will provide them!
So last night at the Pookie EBT BET Awards, Tiny was doing interviews on the red carpet when Floyd Mayweather tried to say “hello, is it me you’re looking forrrrrrr?”…and then this happened:

Yassss girl, don’t let that messy boxing queen ruin your home sitch. #FIXJESUS


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Brew Review: Jane Iredale’s Magic Hour Makeup Collection http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-review-jane-iredales-magic-hour-makeup-collection/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-review-jane-iredales-magic-hour-makeup-collection/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2014 19:27:35 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36432

Summer’s here. Finally! It’s time for lighter makeup, fresh faces and pops of color. Jane Iredale’s new makeup collection –Magic Hour– arrived at my door just in time for me to test out her pretty neutrals and springy lip colors for the season. Hop over to my monthly review at Beautiful Brown Girls to see more pics, learn more about this makeup line and find out where to buy it.

Thanks to Jane Iredale for sending the products to review. All words and thoughts are my own.
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Anti-Social Media http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/anti-social-media/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/anti-social-media/#comments Wed, 25 Jun 2014 14:37:33 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36308 Well Mr. Interwebs you finally did it. You finally broke my soaring spirit! Congratulations!

Being a STRONG BLACK WOMAN (TM pending), I knew for sure it would be one of the STRONG BLACK WOMEN  ailments that finally took me out. But nope…it was the internet. My life has been ruined by the following culprits:


pinterest_logo_0Pinterest: So, I’mma buy all of those supplies for that ‘super easy’ DIY project…and they are gonna sit there right next to the other supplies, for that other super easy DIY project.  I am then going to continue to have anxiety about the money I have wasted at the art supply store and Home Fickin Depot.  So, I am then going to go back on Pinterest, and actually make THIS, to you know ‘accomplish’ something.   I am then going to get the diabetes, I will then have to get my foot cut off, and then I will never be able to wear the hot shoes I posted, on Pinterest.  I will have to figure out how to have that fantasical wedding from my ‘secret Pinterest board’ in the hospital, because I will be bedridden like Big Mama.


#OOTH’s (Outfit Of The Day)/ Bad “Fashi’n Bloggers” : Bless your hearts. You are are KILLING IT in your Forever H&M, Ashley Bryant mass produced in Malaysia, Kathie Lee Children Living Under A Sewing Machine Sweatshop working arse finest. BLESS YOUR HEARTS, you shopping off of Instagram for a Bodycon dress, styling it, just like EVERYONE ELSE. JUST BLESS IT….because you ARE killing it! Killing me,  Killing the good bacteria in your vagicat with them no breathing ass fabric pants, RE-Killing the spirit of Coco Chanel, killing creativity by looking like EVERY BODY ELSE, and if you walk near an open flame, you will undoubtedly be killing yourself in that all poly errything!


webmd-logoWebMD:  According to WebMD could possibly have: The gout, an arrhythmia, Hepatitis Q,  Balls Palsy, an ingrown toenail and diarrhea. I prob do have the diarrhea, from that pan of Pinterest brownies, I ate, though. *Apropos of nothing, I really am fond of the euro spelling  of diarreah:  diarrhoea.  That random “o” they throw in there really adds to the ‘oh shit!’ of the situation.


Cultural and Ethnicity Scholar

Cultural and Ethnicity Scholar

Celebrities who don’t know the meanings of the words they say: JUST.STOP.TALKING. Stop talking about race: Pharrell, Gary Oldman (really man?). Stop talking about rape, especially when you are  likening what amounts to an annoyce that is SO NOT RAPE… TO ACTUAL RAPE. Hell , stop talking about anything that your vapid undereducated ass does not understand.  Here are acceptable topics: Hair. Nails.  How you know Fashion. Your latest bullshit movie role. Your latest shittastic music. OK? Thanks.





And still I rise.

#RIP Dr. Angelou


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Brew Reads: Do The Right Thing 25th Anniversary Edition http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-reads-do-the-right-thing-25th-anniversary-edition/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/brew-reads-do-the-right-thing-25th-anniversary-edition/#comments Wed, 25 Jun 2014 13:00:49 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36408

To mark the anniversary of Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing, key players onscreen and behind the camera weigh in on what it was like on the set of the racially explosive film. The commemorative re-release of of the book “Spike Lee: Do the Right Thing” marks the film’s 25th anniversary on June 30th. I was about 11 when the movie came out and Spike Lee movies were off limits for me (Momma’s law!). But, I do remember seeing this one somehow.

The book features everything from first-person accounts of the racial climate in New York City that led Lee to write the script, to how Lee first met the actors and a discussion of which character really “did” the right thing. Lee, the actors, film crew and more, share how the film has left a lasting mark on the culture, even being used in college classrooms, reaching a generation that wasn’t alive when the film debuted. The book also reveals a few gems that may be new to some readers. Did you know Do The Right Thing was the first of many dates for a young Barack Obama and Michelle Robinson? Did you know Lee demanded the tech unions add more black workers in order to get the film made? Did you know the original movie studio loved the film but wanted Lee to make the ending more feel good? Did you know the movie studio that ultimately agreed to make the movie did so at the low, low cost of just $6.5 million? I won’t give it all away, but there’s tons of stuff revealed in the pages that most moviegoers would probably have no idea was going on behind-the-scenes.

Spike Lee: Do the Right Thing” is a good read that will make you laugh, think and say “I didn’t know that!” The book also includes Lee’s handwritten script and great photos from the 1989 film (…join me in feeling old). If you’re really into movies and untold stories from behind-the-scenes, then you’ll enjoy this look back. The 25th anniversary hardcover edition by Spike Lee and Jason Matloff is $25. You’ll get a free anniversary bumper sticker when you pre-order, too. #winning

Was Do The Right Thing a memorable movie for you?

Thanks to AMMO Books for hooking a Witch up for this early review. All thoughts and words are my own.
Image via 40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks
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Confucius say…. http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/confucius-say/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/confucius-say/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2014 17:30:49 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36397 Rasheeda_and_Kirk_Frost_page-bg_13361-650x406
Never trust shifty-eyed music “producers” who have lil pee pee growing out throats… #fortunecookietalk


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Celebrity Letter: Mama Joyce http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/celebrity-letter-mama-joyce/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/celebrity-letter-mama-joyce/#comments Wed, 11 Jun 2014 13:40:44 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36389 131213_2703202_Mama_Joyce_vs__The_Truth_577x385_90062403771

Dear Mama Joyce,

I finally watched your daughter’s wedding special last night mostly because I was too lazy to find the remote. YOU SUCK! How miserable do you have to be in life to use every opportunity to issue gut punches to your daughter like Floyd Mayweather? That’s love? I have watched you transfer from the frizzy-haired lady with some wisdom who liked to hang around her daughter’s friends and dipped out when dildos came into play — to a Vivica Fox Wig collection connoisseur who’s tongue is so forked, nasty and dark that you had the AUDACITY to suggest that your daughter’s fiance’s DECEASED FATHER was a pimp? Really? Um, do you want to secretly do Todd? Or, do you just transpose your anger from your jacked up love life onto your daughter’s beaus? Pick one of the two because something is wrong up there (*points to forehead*) and you need some couch time, stat! You know Kandi is weak and mentally jacked from all those years I envision you spent reminding her how much you have done for her. Basically, you mind f*cked her into oblivion and submission. Man down. You are a stage mom gone way wrong. The Kris Jenner of Bankhead or wherever YOUR house (that Kandi bought) sits in the A. Everything is about you and that’s the problem. You want your own show or nah? You’re not going to be happy until Kandi is single again with no friends, sitting up there with you and your Memaw clique of senior ratchets eating chips and ish. I frankly cannot stomach you and I can stomach a lot. Back to the ID Channel for me. Bravo gambled on you and lost. Click!

Remember, I beat you because I don’t love you!


A Witch

P.S. I hope Todd’s mother beats that Joker smirk right off yo’ face! I would feel better.


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That Time Tichina Arnold Ethered French Montana http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/that-time-tichina-arnold-ethered-french-montana/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/that-time-tichina-arnold-ethered-french-montana/#comments Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:59:17 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36380

About 2 weeks ago, “rapper” and future Mr. Kardashian French Montana came for “Pam” on Instagram, but she didn’t send for him. Tichina Arnold must have read through her mentions and finally caught wind of ole Frenchie’s attempt at humor, and let’s say –in short– she didn’t appreciate it. In fact, she read that arse for the filthiest filth.

Here’s French’s original post, which he captioned “Nahhhhh.”

And, now, for Tichina’s reply earlier today (caption below).

“Man oh man. Mr. Montana, I’ve perused (read through with thoroughness and care) your #instagram profile description, pictures & posts… but despite my determined effort, I STILL don’t have a CLUE to one very simple question… “Who ARE you?”.. I mean other than reading that you’ve dated a Kardashian, and you seem to enjoy taking extraneous pictures with LEGITIMATE celebrities, I’m baffled (perplexed, confused) as to WHO you are & WHAT you actually DO? How do you contribute to society? What do you do to HELP those in need? What philanthropic works have you done? Are you on the board of any charitable organizations? Do you posses your own charitable organization? Do you own your name? How many of your followers are actually REAL followers and not computer generated? Oh.. And one other thing, if you are gonna post or repost things about other people (such as myself). FYI: Maybe you should put more effort into aligning yourself with people who can ASSIST you with building your brand for longevity, only THEN will you be prepared to (as your boy Martin would so clearly put it) “Stomp with the big dogs”. But either way, I’m pleased to know you are a true fan of the Martin show despite what criticisms you have. Your continued support is proof that for over 30 years, I have CONTRIBUTED something of VALUE on television to many people (including yourself) and many generations and hopefully more to come. Hit me up and maybe I can hook you into individuals who have “Serious Inquiries” regarding hiring you. I just need to know what exactly it is that you are SELLING, because unfortunately, I STILL don’t know. Keep your head up & GOD Bless! TICHINA … Oh! One more thing, if you know of anyone who has an auto immune disease such as #Lupus, go check out my 501c3 organization at www.wewinfoundation.org – Unfortunately thousands of women (and men) battle with this constant life threatening #autoimmune #disease everyday. It would be AMAZING if you made a donation instead of losing 40k in one on one basketball bets with your cohorts. Your positive & monetary support would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you for your time.”

And, children, the library is now CLOSED!

Images via Johnny Nunez/WireImage and Ari Perilstein/WireImage
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#NOThappy with Pharrell http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/nothappy-with-pharrell/ http://witchesbrewonline.com/2014/06/nothappy-with-pharrell/#comments Wed, 04 Jun 2014 18:25:16 +0000 http://witchesbrewonline.com/?p=36374

Pharrell Williams swapped his Buffalo hat for an Indian headdress on the cover of Elle UK. Twitter went nuts, accusing him of wearing Native American garb as a costume. He was Twitter dragged via a series of tweets using the #NOThappy hashtag. Get it?

Pharrell –who has claimed to have Native American ancestry– is now apologizing (through his rep) for the oversight.

“I respect and honor every kind of race, background and culture. I am genuinely sorry.”

Elle UK also pulled its quote calling the cover with the feather headdress his “best ever shoot.”

When will people learn?

Image via Elle UK
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